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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude. FB related!

80 replies

UndercoverBosss · 12/08/2021 22:34

I posted a photo on Facebook this afternoon of my kids.

A friend (Friend 1)made a comment on the photo. A friend of hers, that I also know (Friend 2) and who is also on my friends list, then replied to her comment about something totally different and unrelated to me/my photo. The two of them then proceeded to have a conversation on my FB photo of about 12 replies to each other, talking privately about various things unique to their friendship.

Friend 2 did not like my photo or make a comment but instead just thought it was appropriate to have a private conversation.

I subsequently deleted their conversation apart from Friend 1's original comment about my photo.

Friend 2 has now sent me a snotty message asking if I've deleted their conversation and I said that yes, I did because I don't want someone else's conversation on my FB page.

AIBU to think both friends were rude? They're not good friends of mine BTW, so I'm not bothered if they get the hump about me deleting their conversation, just as they didn't seem to be bothered about offending me.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndercoverBosss · 12/08/2021 22:53

@AlternativePerspective

It’s really all a storm in a teacup though isn’t it?

The fact you’re getting worked up about one friend not having liked your picture but talking to other friend in response to something she said tells me that you obviously needed likes on that picture.

I respond/comment on people’s statuses all the time without liking them. No maybe not in conversation with someone else, but it’s essentially the same thing. After all, your annoyance is with the friend who didn’t like your photo.

This all smacks of a school playground.

I said that Friend B didn't like or comment on the pic, she instead just jumped straight in to conversation with Friend A. I couldn't care less if someone likes me photo or doesn't comment, but I do think it's rude to not do either and just use it as a conversation opportunity with someone else instead. Why not use her own page or messenger for that?

Yes it probably does all smack of school playground but I'm not really that bothered if it does.

OP posts:
SparklesandGold · 12/08/2021 23:03

Yes I think that is rude, OP.

They can have any conversation they want but I don’t think somebody else’s post is the right place.

They should have had their conversation on Facebook messenger.

ineedsun · 12/08/2021 23:08

What a strange thing to get worked up about, and odd to delete it in my opinion unless they were saying something offensive.

Original poster
UndercoverBosss · 12/08/2021 23:10

@ineedsun

What a strange thing to get worked up about, and odd to delete it in my opinion unless they were saying something offensive.
They were saying something offensive. It was offensive to me.
OP posts:
user1493494961 · 12/08/2021 23:10

Drama about nothing.

MooChops89 · 12/08/2021 23:11

The notifications every time they replied to each other would annoy me

Original poster
UndercoverBosss · 12/08/2021 23:12

@user1493494961

Drama about nothing.
It's hardly drama....
OP posts:
girlmom21 · 12/08/2021 23:13

They are both very much divide and conquer types who like to alienate others. Hence they're not close friends of mine.

I don't understand this. Delete them from your social media if they're not really friends. It makes your life much simpler.

ineedsun · 12/08/2021 23:13

They were saying offensive things about you or you got offended because they spoke to each other and one of them didn’t like your photo?

50ShadesOfCatholic · 12/08/2021 23:15

It was v inappropriate of them but you will get reams of posters feigning surprise that you even noticed.

Nc123 · 12/08/2021 23:15

I probably wouldn’t have deleted their conversation but it does smack of forgetting or not knowing where you are talking - just as well they didn’t say anything private!

Original poster
UndercoverBosss · 12/08/2021 23:15

@girlmom21

They are both very much divide and conquer types who like to alienate others. Hence they're not close friends of mine.

I don't understand this. Delete them from your social media if they're not really friends. It makes your life much simpler.

Oh god I've got loads of people on my social media that I'd like to delete. Keep your circle small and all that. Might just start with those two!
OP posts:
SparklesandGold · 12/08/2021 23:16

Yes as a PP said, delete them. Why do you have them on your friends list? Are you afraid of missing something?

Giantwaterbottle · 12/08/2021 23:20

Are they old? Some older relatives I have I see doing this, I don't think they understand

ValidUser · 12/08/2021 23:23

@50ShadesOfCatholic nicely phrased on the feigning surprise. Only on Mumsnet does noticing something equate to creating drama or getting worked up.

@UndercoverBosss YANBU. Although I'd have been far more petty and asked them to explain the private joke.

DoYouLikeOwls · 12/08/2021 23:23

@Tothemoonandbackx

I've had people saying Happy Birthday to me, from someone else's post wishing me a happy birthday, but not a completely different conversation, I'd find that really odd
I wouldn't find the Birthday thing annoying at all.

The conversation that the OP posted about wouldn't bother me either. I don't really get why it would be a big deal.

AppleKatie · 12/08/2021 23:25

I would assume technical incompetence.

I would reply to friend 2 and say you’d deleted it for her privacy, after all you’re sure she wouldn’t want all your contacts reading her private conversation.

Original poster
UndercoverBosss · 12/08/2021 23:28

Thinking back, there have been a couple of incidences too when Friend 2 has made a thinly veiled dig as a reply on my statuses and Friend 1 has instantly jumped on with a laughing emoji

OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 12/08/2021 23:29

I think you've massively over reacted and it's very silly and childish to delete their comments

Beebababadabo · 12/08/2021 23:32

I just delete them entirely

LolaButt · 12/08/2021 23:32

My view is that it depends what you believe the purpose of social media is?

Personally, I view fb as a place for everyone to connect, chat and engage with others (well I did, but now I think it’s a dying site and totally boring).

Others view their fb page as a special little place for their contacts to have a window into their life, and everything must always be about them.

I think yabu.

happinessischocolate · 12/08/2021 23:34

YANBU

to me it's the online equivalent of being in your front garden with your kids, friend 1 walking into your garden and complimenting the kids and then friend 2 also walking into the garden but ignoring you and the kids and just starting a private conversation whilst on your wall garden.

You could change their friend status to acquaintances rather than friends, and then when you post set it to friends not acquaintances 😁 or just sack them off and delete them 🤷‍♀️

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2021 23:35

Oh god I've got loads of people on my social media that I'd like to delete. Keep your circle small and all that. Might just start with those two!

Well do it then Confused

No-one's forcing you to keep loads of people on your SM who you'd rather not have.

You wouldn't march up to these people in real life and start showing them photos of your kids, would you?

WomanStanleyWoman · 12/08/2021 23:35

[quote ValidUser]@50ShadesOfCatholic nicely phrased on the feigning surprise. Only on Mumsnet does noticing something equate to creating drama or getting worked up.

@UndercoverBosss YANBU. Although I'd have been far more petty and asked them to explain the private joke.[/quote]
I agree. Terms like ‘creating a drama’ and ‘getting worked up’ smack of the whole hysterical woman stereotype. It’s not like the OP is having a breakdown or threatening murder over this - she’s just a bit pissed off! That IS allowed!

Fiddliestofsticks · 12/08/2021 23:41

I have a business page and this happens so much. Its obviously a bit different because I post stuff advertise what is going on at the business but some of the conversations are just really not for public consumption... and anyone can see them! It's so weird.

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