To ask what do you do with older kids in the hols

[Murphs1]

My daughter is 13, my son 10. They love screens but I’m trying to get them away from them for periods during the day. My 13 year old never wants to go anywhere and always has a face on even if we are going for a short walk. My son would rather stay at home and generally enjoys himself when out but often moans. My question is, do you make your 13 year old come when you go out? Or do you leave them to their own devices? The reason o ask is she doesn’t have a lot of friends and isn’t hanging out with them, she’s mainly in her bedroom listening to music.

Mine are same age. I arrange play dates for the 10 year old as she doesn’t have a phone to do so herself. And she’s going to Waterworld with a friend later in the hols. They will both come on the occasional bike ride. I usually force them to get some fresh air each day, whether that’s posting a letter or a proper walk but other than that they can do their own thing which is usually a mix of screen, reading and music.

When I was young, we only had one car which my dad used for work and we were rural so not great public transport. Aside from a seaside week’s holiday, we didn’t go anywhere and most of my hols were spent reading and listening to music.

A mix of family activities and time doing nothing at home is fine at that age I think. I just try to remember it’s their holiday too and if they want to spend some of it in their rooms then that’s fine. Plus I think it takes the pressure of from feeling like you have to be “doing” something to fill every day

Paddleboarding
Skateboarding
Indoor snowboarding
Wakeboarding
BMXing
Mountainbiking
Dog walking
Playing out with his friends
Sleepovers
Basically anything with wheels or a board and the potential to get hurt 🙈

Following! But particularly in the context of working parents where they are too old to go to holiday clubs.

Really difficult. My ds is 13 and doesn't have loads of friends to go out with, his close friends are away.

He'd just live in his room.

We've done bike rides, swimming, cinema, walks, mini golf. Days at home I'm trying to get him to do a few jobs as a break from screens.

I do force him to at least get some fresh air and exercise each day.

Do they have activities that they do that you could build into a routine (sports practise, music practise, reading, cycling, park-run, swimming, taking turns choosing and making dinner etc). I don't think it's possible to 'entertain' older kids for six weeks on an ad hoc basis, they need some regular stuff that keeps them busy that they see the point in.

My older three are 9, 10 and 11. They would probably be happiest if I let them sit playing on games all day every day but I just can’t do it. I make them leave the house most days and do something proactive with me and my two youngest DC. I’ve found local workshops for them to do, tried local museums and art galleries, they do the park run at the weekend and I’ve organised some other fun things like the cinema and a rock climbing session. It’s hard, they do whinge and I know they’d be most happy at home!

Thanks for replying @Retrievemysanity It’s tricky where we live as not near any estates so no local kids to play with or hang out with within walking distance. I do worry about my daughter in her room on her own for very long periods.

Thanks for all you’re relied. Yes we’ve just started activities up again after lockdown so hopefully that will help. It would be good if they both wanted to do similar things. It feels no matter what you come up with it’s never good enough or the 13 year old isn’t interested!

Your replies

I have a 13 yo son and 10 yo daughter and both DH and I work from home. The holidays are much longer here (not uk), almost 3 months. Both have to study maths this summer, DS for an exam in September. So they do that for a bit each day and otherwise whatever they want really. I don't limit screen time, it's currently 40 C here so there isn't much else to do when I'm working. We go to the local pool once or twice a week for the afternoon. And that's it really. The 13 yo goes out to meet his friends a bit, especially in the afternoon /evening. He's been to the beach with friends families a couple of times.

When I was a teenager I recall my parents during the holidays pretty much leaving me to my own devices but encouraging/enabling me to do something productive like

Decorate my room including a trip to IKEA
Plant a vege patch
A few days sailing/canoeing/lake swimming
Go stay with a friend / family /cousins for a weekend in return
Tennis lessons I could take myself to

Left lots of time be moody in my room/listening to music.

Mine are a bit older now (17&14). I always tried to get them out at least once a day in the holidays. I think 13/14/15 is the hardest they can be left alone, but not huge amounts of common sense or self motivation so will just stay on their screens and trash the house.

My best suggestions are;
Bowling
Crazy golf
DS liked badminton at this age (dirt cheap at leisure centre near us)
Sometimes forcibly dragged out for school uniform/ shoes shopping
Dd rides a horse
Meet up with friends of similar ages for walks/beach trips- less boring than dull old Mum.

It got to a point where I gave in and left them to it !
Just managed to drag them to Maccies and shopping for school stuff.

Museum, trampoline park, inflatables on a lake activity, theme park tomorrow.
Feeling quite suffocated tbh. It's relentless

Oh yes trampoline park

Bowling
Go Karting
Quad Biking
Swimming
Trampoline Park
Laser Quest
Crazy Golf

I have DS 13 in same position - so far we have been away for a long weekend , couple of day trips and when I have been working and DH looking after him he has ended up with sesssions on PC and he did a 3 day footie course

He does go to Rugby training once a week and also goes rowing for 3 hrs - rest of time he's on YouTube or Netflix or his phone !

Just paid for a couple of skateboarding lessons to get my 12 year old daughter out of the house. She really enjoyed it. It did work as she took the skateboard down to the park to mess about with her sister too a few times. Other than that glued to screen!

Out walking every morning. Then afternoon is free to do with as they please. Music practice has to be done daily too before they meet friends.

Had family trips out too this summer.

Oh and they practice a martial art once a week during the holidays too.

Dd13 and ds11 here.
We have a mix of going out and staying in. We're lucky that the council and foristry people do a lot of free activities in the holidays so once or twice a week they do bushcraft, football and arts sessions, then we've been out as a family for walks, to the beach, country park, zoo, trampoline place. 13 year old is generally happy to join in. She also has hardly any friends local. Today she's mostly been in her room drawing and watching YouTube. I try and get a balance. I'm lucky i work termtime.

My 14 year old DD has a really busy social life - rarely a day goes by without her heading out to meet various friends. She is a member of Rangers (GG), so does meetings, camp and activities with them, goes paddleboarding, meets friends in town for shopping/lunch/mooching, has done a week of a drama course which she usually goes to on Saturdays in term time, hangs out at the local park, goes swimming, to the cinema, one evening a week is the LGBTQ+ youth club and she occasionally meets some guys to play Dungeons and Dragons. Like I said - she's busy!

DD2 is 12 and a totally different story. She's much more of a homebody and prefers my company to most others (which I am enjoying for as long as it lasts!) She probably does have too much screen time, but she spends hours on facetime with her friends. She plays online games with people she knows (The Sims and Minecraft), watches episodes of Friends, over and over again. She does meet up with friends a few times a week for sleepovers, cinema, going to the park/town etc. but she prefers to go shopping with me.

We try and have a family day out once a week, where we go to the beach/zoo/local attraction/visiting friends or family for the day, and DH tries to take time off work to come with us - it's worked out so far!

I think once they get to senior school, it's ok to let them make their own entertainment in the summer holidays, as long as they will join in with family activities when you ask them too. I really don't worry about screen time at the moment - it's only for a few more weeks!

We are usually up and out in the morning, then home for lunch and do as you please.

We have a usually unspoken but sometimes spoken rule that everyone leaves the house every day, pretty much - but as they got older they started to increasingly go off to do their own thing rather than doing our thing. But staying in all day was not really an option, and this habit has stuck with the much older ones.

If my 13yo was not going out with their friends or to do their own thing, yes I would expect them to come with me to do something. I used to do things like take them to the book shop or library, a bike ride or play tennis, or to look at something or other. Sometimes a club (we did extra swimming lessons wuite often in summer).

Cycling
Swimming
Bowling
Cinema
Trampoline Park
Treetop trail
Visit family
National Trust properties
Shopping
Park