To ask what do you do with older kids in the hols

[Murphs1]

My daughter is 13, my son 10. They love screens but I’m trying to get them away from them for periods during the day. My 13 year old never wants to go anywhere and always has a face on even if we are going for a short walk. My son would rather stay at home and generally enjoys himself when out but often moans. My question is, do you make your 13 year old come when you go out? Or do you leave them to their own devices? The reason o ask is she doesn’t have a lot of friends and isn’t hanging out with them, she’s mainly in her bedroom listening to music.

@Frazzled2207

Following! But particularly in the context of working parents where they are too old to go to holiday clubs.

I'm lucky to have an understanding boss who is ok if I nip in and out to drop DD at a friends or bowling or whatever.

She spends most her tine in a screen or reading. But I give her jobs every day, including cutting the grass or posting a letter or something else active. She cooks dinner at least twice a week.

I try to get a day off each week so we can go fruit picking, or cinema, or somewhere to take great photos or whatever.

And we do crafts/baking at home.

Mine us almost 15 and is the total opposite. She loves walking for miles, loves nature and animals, and is happy reading in a deckchair in the garden. Not helpful, sorry!

I think it's a hard age as even the 13 year old is a bit young to organise his own activities but too old for play dates. Thankfully screen loving DS now 15 from about 14 (or when was allowed from lockdown) goes out and plays football every day, this week he's at rugby camps.

When he was a bit younger I'd book him into the school sports camps if his friends were going and organise the occasional activity with his friends through the DM if I was pals with her.

Thanks all for your replies, I really appreciate it. I do tell them we are going out even if for a long walk or bike ride, but the moans and groans!!! Any way I’ll persevere and keep going with it for the mo and have one bigger day out once a week that they can chose. I just worry about my daughter as she’s not really made those strong friendships since leaving primary and has recently started a new senior school so is still trying to forge friendships. Who knew the baby toddler part was the easy bit!!

I can totally relate to the worry over your daughters school friendships op. Mine went to a school that's not very local and because of covid related absences has not really made firm friendships so is my shadow. She's usually up for going out though as long as I give her some time in her pit lol. She goes into year 9 in September and I'm hoping that because they won't be in their small bubble and sat alone all the time she'll make some friends!

@Murphs1

Thanks all for your replies, I really appreciate it. I do tell them we are going out even if for a long walk or bike ride, but the moans and groans!!! Any way I’ll persevere and keep going with it for the mo and have one bigger day out once a week that they can chose. I just worry about my daughter as she’s not really made those strong friendships since leaving primary and has recently started a new senior school so is still trying to forge friendships. Who knew the baby toddler part was the easy bit!!

Just one note on this - at that age one of my older kids was completely unbothered by friendships and was very much a 'keep himself to himself' type. This was not at all the case by sixth form.

13 is still quite young, it is not at all abnormal to only really start to care about peers a bit later.

Ds1 is 14 and DS2 is 11. DS2 is still at holiday clubs. DP and I take one day to two days off each week in August so its only two to three days in club.
We generally have a no screens after 10 am rule which I enforce if I am wfh, DP less so. DS1 will read / listen to audio books/ do lego. This week we found a drama workshop at the local theatre which took older kids and he enjoyed going to that for a few hours.
He doesn't spontaneously go out on his bike but will run errands or go out for a run with me if asked. He was struggling with friends by the end of the school year so nobody really to hang out with.

I've got a 10 and 13 year old. At the moment we are going out 3 times a week (this week we did sports club, kayaking and soft play). Grandparents come round one day a week and the other day I catch up on the washing, housework etc while they entertain themselves and argue over the tv remote.

Thanks all for your replies, I really appreciate it. I do tell them we are going out even if for a long walk or bike ride, but the moans and groans!!! Any way I’ll persevere and keep going with it for the mo and have one bigger day out once a week that they can chose. I just worry about my daughter as she’s not really made those strong friendships since leaving primary and has recently started a new senior school so is still trying to forge friendships. Who knew the baby toddler part was the easy bit!!

Just wanted to say I can also relate to this. Ds went to a school not really knowing anyone, then Covid happened which set everything back. He has made a good friend who is away all Sumner. I've tried to encourage him to contact some other friends but he doesn't seem interested. So apart from a bit of gaming with a friend he not socialising.

When I was a teen I was always out all day long and I do worry.

My idea was that I'd do 2-3 paid for activities a week, if we are at home they can do what they like providing they get some fresh air and exercise and help around the house.

Luckily mine went on a sports camp one week and we have 2 weeks away booked.

I'm also lucky that ds does still seem to enjoy swimming, cinema and stuff like that.

We have a youth club in our area offering various activities for cheap or free. Are they still all over the UK, or are we just fortunate to have one in our area?

I guess it helps if they are sporty, my DS loved anything to do with sport so I would try to find a couple of cheap sports camps, he would meet up with friends for endless games of cricket/football etc. Even now he's 20 he still meets up with with his old school friends to play football and has a few cricket teams on the go to join in with (that's a great game to get into as it takes up at least half a day, plus travel and they are well occupied ). When I wasn't working I had endless days sitting and reading by a cricket pitch - I look back on that time with find memories .

Yes @Beeshome exactly the same here, I was out all day on my bike or with my friends. A pp said maybe she’s not bothered about friends, she most def is but only has one close friend from her previous school. I think lockdown has had an effect on all our kids in one way or another, and with mine, I think it’s that they are happy to be at home. I have signed her up to a new riding school and hopefully she will start saddle club there which may be an opportunity to make friends and get out and about.
Thanks again for all your replies, it’s good to hear your suggestions, as it has given me some ideas, and also that I’m not the only one who struggles to get them out!!

My 13 yo is similar. He will go to the cinema, and I make him walk the dogs. But other than that, it's just a battle.

Like a pp I enforce a no screens after 9.30am rule.