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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Paying for GCSE results

110 replies

Lilyargin · 12/08/2021 16:47

Some of my DD's (16) friends' parents are giving their children £50 for each 9 they get, £20 for each 8, £10 for each 7 and £5 for each 6.
Am I alone in feeling that you shouldn't put monetary value on academic success; that it de-values the real joy which is in the pride of the achievement by reducing it to a pay per grade transaction?
Or am I just mean?

OP posts:

ittakes2 · 12/08/2021 17:18

I would happily reward my children on the study effort rather than the results (if I think it would work...)

CookieMumsters · 12/08/2021 17:19

The thing with the intrinsic vs extrinsic argument, is its all well and good if someone is intrinsically motivated but if your child suddenly hits gcse time with no motivation, you can't whip it up as easily as you can offer them cash.

Cheeseplantboots · 12/08/2021 17:19

I’ll get my daughter a gift next year because she always put 100% effort into everything she does. She works really hard. She isn’t academic and is predicted 3’s and 4’s but she’ll have do her very best. That’s good enough for me.

fhammock · 12/08/2021 17:20

I remember a friend being paid for hers, that was 17 years ago. She was adding it up as soon as she opened the envelope. She then kicked off because her sister had better results a few years previously, therefore got more money. So her Dad just gave her the same as her sister had 🤦‍♀️

I went to the pub with some work mates and had my drinks bought for me all evening (yes I know I was only 16.)

chalamet · 12/08/2021 17:23

My parents basically bribed me to revise for my exams (with small things like a nail varnish… I was a simple teenager). When I finished my GCSEs my dad took me to Reading festival for the day to see a band I loved which was really nice. When I finished my A levels I was finally allowed to stay over my boyfriend’s house 😂

Frazzled2207 · 12/08/2021 17:24

My parents did this for me and it definitely gave me a bit of a boost but looking back I don’t think I did any better because of it, just the way my parents wanted to reward me for my efforts.

No harm done in my case.

Frazzled2207 · 12/08/2021 17:26

@Frazzled2207

My parents did this for me and it definitely gave me a bit of a boost but looking back I don’t think I did any better because of it, just the way my parents wanted to reward me for my efforts.

No harm done in my case.

Should add that I was an only child. Really hard to do this if you have two children that put in the same effort but one much brighter than the other.

AgentJohnson · 12/08/2021 17:27

Hell to the no. DD isn’t motivated in that way and anyway, I learned my lesson from the 2 euro per milk tooth debacle back in the day. Fellow mum friends complained that my generosity/ stupidity set a bad precedent.

ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 12/08/2021 17:27

My DP’s did this with me and I left school in 1989, it was an incentive to work harder and I did really well, educationally and financially.

NorthernDramaLlama · 12/08/2021 17:28

I got a puppy! But I didn't know that was their plan. He arrived a couple of days after the gcse results.

HideousKinky · 12/08/2021 17:34

We never did this

TractorsAndHeadphones · 12/08/2021 17:38

YABU - it depends on the child.
Not all children are mature and able to see the benefit of delayed gratification. A small boost to motivate them to push themselves (e.g you know they’re capable of getting at least a B but they’d rather do no work and settle for a C ) would do wonders for the right child.

Also depends on the child. My DP was/is SEN and would never have gotten more than a B in his best subjects and a pass in his worst…

FenceSplinters · 12/08/2021 17:39

When I was a kid, I remember friends being given money, some of them hundreds for A grades. I didn’t, and I won’t be giving it to my son.

YearlySlump · 12/08/2021 17:39

I remember my friends having this monetary incentive back in high school.

I got high GCSE grades including 5 A*s and my parents didn't give me anything, although they probably didn't have the means to looking back. I remember being in a shop afterwards and asking my mum if she'd buy me a Mars bar and she said no so literally got nothing from them.

I agree though that it's strange to pay your kid money to get a good grade. Kind of pushes the idea that the only thing worth working for is money. Working for an education should be enough. Money isn't everything.

Earlydancing · 12/08/2021 17:40

My friend's parents paid her to study. She gave up her Saturday job and they paid her the equivalent to spend her Saturday studying. And she got a present when she'd finished. I still had to do my Saturday job and got criticised if my results weren't As. Praise was hard to come by in the dancing family!

ChrissyPlummer · 12/08/2021 17:41

Friends parents did this back in the ‘90s. I was very jealous. I would definitely have put more effort in for an incentive.

TractorsAndHeadphones · 12/08/2021 17:45

Also to add - exams and a love of knowledge are different things.
I am intellectually curious but was well aware that my passing of exams (and getting into a ‘good’ uni) was all for making money.
I loved reading and tinkering around but none of these would have gotten me the grades. Strangely the tinkering got me my current very technical job which has nothing to do with anything I ever learned in school.

Exams were purely a future earning potential gig for me…

Babysharkdoodoodood · 12/08/2021 18:03

I give my son £30 for every distinction he gets in his level 3 units. Turning out very expensive but seems to have done the trick. Overall D for his first year and just missed a D* as the 'mock' exam turned out not to be a mock and he only got a merit.

lanbro · 12/08/2021 18:06

25 years ago I got £20 for an A, £10 for B and £5 for C, came out with £145 !

RyanReynoldsHusband · 12/08/2021 18:07

Why don’t you do parenting your way and leave the rest of us to do it our way

RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 12/08/2021 18:08

We just gave money for effort

I felt that if one of our children was naturally good at a subject but the other worked much, much harder at it that it wasn’t fair to do it on the grade achieved as this didnt necessarily reflect the hard work

BoomChicka · 12/08/2021 18:09

My parents offered me this years ago.. cash or a holiday.. I took the holiday . I don't think it devalued the learning for me, I went on to do 6 years of OU which is completely self motivated.

SallyDontTouchThatPie · 12/08/2021 18:14

We rewarded effort, not grades even though Ds did incredibly well. He got his present before his GCSE results. The grades are the reward.

As a very average child with two high achieving siblings I can see that this rewarding grades would have done wonders for my self esteem.

CluelessAt50 · 12/08/2021 18:16

I hope this isn't happening everywhere. A lot of parents (especially lone mothers) can't afford it & it'll have a big affect on the self worth of those parents & children. On the bright side though, I'd happily put money on which group (the financially rewarded/motivated vs not) will be the happiest adults.

Flipflopfoodle · 12/08/2021 18:42

Wow, my DC got nine 9s and one 8, there is no way we could give them money, we're low income, I'm afraid they got a hug, a well done and what they wanted for tea. My younger DC may not do so well and I wouldn't want them to feel bad about it and I think excess praise for the first child would do that.

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