Paying kids for chores.

[Flobbertybillop]

I think my kids should help round the house (they make most if the bloody mess anyway), they think they should be paid for doing chores.
For context, I had a laparoscopic hysterectomy 17 days ago.
Aibu?

I’ve always thought it was ridiculous. They live there too, it’s not your sole job to keep the place decent.

You’re recovery from surgery, why don’t they want to take the load off?

My two year helps unstack the dishwasher and does a decent job. She also helps with laundry and cooking.

You’re the parent, why is this a discussion? How old are they?

I think they need to have daily jobs that they are responsible for without being paid but there are jobs that could be done for payment (heavy, difficult jobs that aren't done every day or week that you might pay someone else to do, such as washing external windows).

If you're ill, they should be helping with general housekeeping on top of their normal jobs without payment out of kindness.

How old are they?

They should be doing some age-appropriate chores as part of being a member of the household.

I'd pay something for larger jobs but not keeping on top of daily mess.

@AnneLovesGilbert
I’m not saying they don’t help, because they do, and they’ve been brilliant after my surgery, it’s more about paying or not paying.
Rest assured, there is no issue about who’s in charge.

They are 11 and 14

Who pays you to do the chores?

Do they receive pocket money? If so, that's the payment for doing a few chores.

Of course you don’t pay them to be an active and helpful member of the household.

They're 11 and 14. Have they never cleaned before? Did they grow up thinking chores are mum and dad’s job?

Make a certain amount of daily chores a requisite to getting pocket money. Larger not daily jobs can be negotiated. Children need to learn how the household works, how to get a meal on a plate, how to budget. It’s all part of the journey to independence.

They don’t get pocket money from me, their dad is meant to sort that (separated),
They have and will do chores, and the question isn’t about whether or not they do them, it’s should they get paid for them.

Have never paid my kids to do chores - helping out around the house is part of being a reasonable and considerate human being.

they should do the everyday chores as helpful members of the household, not only to get money.

they should get pocket money as a regular thing.

only a few big chores (e.g. clean out the whole garage) should get extra pay.

my teen ds is currently laying on the sofa protesting about emptying the dishwasher saying he wants an easier job. hes been complaining for 15mins. he could have emptied it 5 times over by now. but no we dont pay them for chores. they live here too, they make the mess and no-one pays me to do them.

We never paid DS for normal chores like dishwasher emptying but paid him to do things like stripping wallpaper or gardening jobs when he was a teen as they were not everyday jobs. He did get weekly pocket money but he would have got that anyway unless he had been particularly naughty.

I wouldn’t pay them then. They need to get it into their heads that it’s not about helping you , it’s about living in a shared house.

Regular chores like washing dishes, tidying, or making lunch on our rota system no I don't pay, and we have pretty minimal pocket money (my 12-year-old gets £3 a week, and my 14-year-old gets ~£5). That's being part of a household and caring for each other.

Atypical chores like helping with a big garden task or similar, I might consider payment or an exchange of doing X means they can get or do Y thing they want.

I always pay my older two (16 and 14) if they've bought something for the household that I've asked for, I actually have them bill me (as in, we go through their bank account together at least monthly and they make a list of things they've bought or I had said I'd pay them back for).

I don’t pay my kids. They have a rotating roster of chores they have to do because they live here. In return, I continue to “provide services.” (Lifts to PT jobs - three kids - a lot of driving), catering to various likes/dislikes with meals, etc. Laundry only gets washed if it’s in the laundry. If not, it’s not my problem. I am trying to let my kids grow up to be independent, functioning adults with life skills necessary for living outside my house. Each year I have added extra chores (started with easy things like rubbish and laundry out of rooms) and now You have been self-indulgent and utterly narcissistic. You have let her carry the weight of the relationship and emotional grunt work of the family for so long that you have only just “realised” her desperation (despite her frequent conversations about this in the past????) includes picking up dog poo, helping meal plan, cook and shop, etc. They like some of it, hate some of it… understand that they need to know these things and recognize that their skill set is more advanced already than their peers, so they feel smug. (It would be easier to just do it myself in most cases if I am honest, but I want them to be confident when they leave my house.)

Absolutely shouldnt be paid for chores.
Absolutely should do chores - indeed given your situation, I'd challenge them to do everything for a few days. Although, actually, if they did do absolutly everything for 5 days or a week, I think I'd treat them afterwards (or offer it as a bribe). And bu absolutly everything, I mean cooking, cleaning, bins, garden.....

Like others, we don't pay for normal every day things - they are part of being a person that lives in this house. We do pay for ad hoc "out of the norm" jobs e.g. we paid DS to chop down the very large and overgrown spiky bush in the garden.

In your case, I think it depends a little on how much they are doing. If they are just doing "normal" chores I agree you don't pay them. If they are taking on things they don't normally do due your operation (e.g. doing all the cooking and they'd normally only cook once a week), I'd suggest it might be nice to give them something - or perhaps just have a family treat once you've recovered.

@Justilou1
I’m totally confused about the middle of your post? The indulgent and narcissistic bit.

In our house this is our MO: ordinary household chores get verbal recognition irrespective of who has done it, “thanks for doing the rubbish; thanks for making the dinner; thanks for watering the plants, etc.” Bigger jobs get either hard cash, or a treat, e.g. full car valet x2 £15 (saves taking them to the garage); hedge cutting £10, full day garage clearance with multiple tip trips £25 or something they want e.g. sub for go-carting.
We also bargain for jobs we hate/don’t mind. I loathe my pan cupboard with a passion & it periodically needs everything out & putting in order, my DS does this & I sort out his messy desk, quid pro quo.

I give DD(14) £5 a week. She doesn't go anywhere or spend anything so doesn't care how much she gets. If she asks for a pocket money raise I'll agree. However, it is dependent on if she does the washing up and other jobs when asked. It would be a withholding something punishment rather than a wage docking . All of my children pull their weight and they don't get paid but we do buy things they want. Yep don't think children should be paid for helping to take care of the home they get to live in.that also goes for taking care of the people who make up that home, even if it's just the offer of making them a cuppa.

Kids have core chores. Dishwasher, putting away clean clothes, putting dirty clothes in machine, tidying up their room and wiping down skirting boards. This is their natural contribution to the household. But given they have little capacity to earn extra money if they want to buy themselves something, I create extra jobs and pay. Weeding garden £2, hoovering car £2, folding all the laundry £2 etc.

In my opinion, kids should absolutely not get paid to do chores. Doing chores is a family effort, and doing chores is part of running a household smoothly. Kids need to learn that everyone in the family has a responsibility to keep the space everyone shares, uses and enjoys nice, clean and tidy. No ifs or buts about it. I would, however, make a list of optional tasks (such as cleaning our cars, running personal errands, etc.) my kids could earn money from if they choose to. But no, no payment for cleaning their room, doing dishes and so on. Absolutely not.

I respect how people bring their own kids up, I'm nervous to write mine here now haha.

I've been brought up for children to be children and adults to do any work. I now do the chores as a home owner and so will they one day. This has been passed down from my granny to my nana to my parents and now I follow the same thing.

Since having children myself they have to clean up after themselves but not generally around the house.

They keep their own rooms clean, bring down any washing, scrape their own plates after eating and place them into the sink. Any mess they make when playing will be cleaned up themselves after. They are 8 and 6.

If they decided to help around the house (hoovering, washing up) then I will pay them per chore. My dad paid me to do chores and I would only do them when I needed money.