I can’t really stop buying for family whilst I’ve got dc right?

[Lochelant]

Ok, so I know that it’s only August but some of my family members, who are obsessed with Christmas (me not as much) have already started the discussion of gifts, meals out, hosting etc. I find it all exhausting. I have 2dc and my family eg parents, parents in law, grandparents, sisters, uncles etc ALL buy for my dc and some of them still buy for me and my dh even though I (politely) tell them not to as it’s to much for them when they buy for our dc also. In an ideal world I’d like to just buy for our dc plus our nieces and nephews. But I can’t really do that if other people buy for my dc right? I’d feel so mean. But the fact I have adhd and anxiety means I find it hard enough just buying gifts for my own dc as it takes a lot of mental effort and organisation and that’s with help from my dh. I used to really enjoy Christmas and I do once it’s here but the build up to it now having to think of and buy gifts for everyone is draining.

Send a message out now that you are only doing children’s gifts this year? Or perhaps suggest instead of gifts you all meet for a meal during the Christmas period? Adults only? I’d tell them before it’s too late.

For me, Christmas presents are a kids’ thing. I never buy them for adults, regardless of whether they buy presents for my child or not.

I stopped doing them for adults when I was on maternity leave, apart from my parents. It's too expensive.

Just be honest about it. Adults will be able to cope without a present. Or do secret Santa.

I only give to my parents, and PILs.

I only buy for my dc, sisters children and parents no other adults I thinks it’s crazy buying stuff for people who probably don’t want what you buy and in return getting stuff you don’t want it to so much hassle and a waste of money. We agreed no adult presents a few years ago and it is such a relief. Everyone in my family has enough money to buy what they want so it seems crazy.

What about a secret Santa between the adults? With a money limit? I know I would never ever begrudge a present for a child in my family, regardless of whether or not I received one back.

Nothing wrong with buying for children only as long as you don't mind if some of those without children choose not to buy for your children. Some people just enjoy the act of giving to children in the family, but some see it as an exchange and might be offended.

We do secret santa with DH's siblings and partners. £20 limit. It got ridiculous trying to buy for 6 other adults.

I do agree buying presents has become excessively over the top however, I think it is important to remember not all family members will have children.
For example my partner has 2 adult siblings without children. They both buy for our children and his sisters children. It doesn’t seem fair to me that they are expected to buy for the children and not really get anything in return.

What Ivy48 said.

But do it now, not after people have started buying.

It doesn’t seem fair to me that they are expected to buy for the children and not really get anything in return.
Just let them know you don't expect any presents for the children, only if they would like to. I like to buy for my nephew and honestly want nothing in return. My sister does send money for my teenager in exchange but he is uncomfortable with it, he thinks presents are more for children too.

I buy for like 50 people, I know it's crazy.

When I had less money when I was going through uni and first few years working I only bought for my parents and my nieces/nephews.

I have a small family, so not an issue, but I do have a friend with a large family. They meet at the end of November (before everything is booked up!) for a large family meal. They decide on a Secret Santa price limit and theme e.g. colour, letter, object and then draw lots. Seems to work well for them!

I have always made it clear front the start that I don’t expect anything for either me or my dc but my family do what they want and always go overboard.

@kowari You buy for your nephew and your sister buys for her nephew (your son) in return. That's an exchange, everyone is equal.

The poster you quoted was talking about people with no children buying gifts and getting nothing in return which is totally different.

I second the poster who suggested speaking to your family about a secret Santa for the adults or a meal out, but do it soon.

Could you do secret Santa or buy per household?
Small hamper /biscuits /booze?
Garden ornament?
And dh should be sharing the stress and buying for his lot!!

My sisters especially I’m sure are in competition with each other and then will tell me how many gifts they’ve bought how much they cost etc and in my head I’m like
oh god please shut up I’m bored. Don’t get me wrong my dc get some lovely gifts and have always been happy and yes some years I could afford to spend more but I chose not to as I don’t want to go crazy as that gives kids really high expectations even from a very young age.

Yes I like the idea of secret Santa. That could be good.

Or just get everyone giftcards?

My (massive) family has started doing a not-secret santa type arrangement. We're just randomly assigned one person to buy for, each person has a short wishlist and we have a £30 spending limit. If people want to buy for their immediate relatives (parents/adult children and siblings), then that's up to them. Young children are the exception, but the expectation is that kids only receive a small (

DH and I exchange gifts, but its £10 limit, only from charity shops, and the shittest present wins!!

There's no literal prize, just the prestige of finding the worst gift. I love doing it and live in hope of roping my family in too af some point!

My siblings and I have an agreement we don't buy gifts for each other. It's a godsend. My DP and I only buy for our own families, we've always agreed that we each hold the responsibility for our own relations, so I don't buy his parents or family pressies. That's kind of nice too.

Your options seem to be trying to get family to agree to child only presents (most adults don't expect gifts in return for ones they give to children), ask your DH to arrange presents, or get something less thoughtful for adults (e.g. nice bottle of wine replicated for all family).

I totally get this op!! I would speak to family and arrange that only gifts are bought for the children! If that's not an option maybe a secret Santa or maybe just agree to very cheap gifts for the adults! Exchanging so many presents between family members is just madness when so many people are struggling financially.

I used to exchange gifts with my cousin for years. We didn't see each other for years and the thought was nice but she lives miles away, I never see her and she's super rich and I doubt she gives a crap about my gift! So I talked to her to put a stop to it and just send a card. I couldn't afford the equal the gifts she buys for sure!

Christmas is mentally, physically and financially draining as it is for me and I just can't deal with it all!