He forgot our anniversary ☹

[Currysauceandchips]

24 years married today. I know its a long time, but I still got him a card and cooked a meal/ bottle of fizz.
He didn't even get me a card and only said happy anniversary after I did. He forgot and I feel sad. AIBU? He said he felt bad because I got him a card! My friends DH buys her jewellery/ spa days/ weekends away for theirs. I feel unappreciated and like he is not arsed any more. He never used to forget!

Start putting it in a shared calendar and mentioning it beforehand. Which still makes it shit. Im only five years in and I don’t think DP would think about it unless I mentioned it. So I’ve airily decided that’s fine.

I never remember ours... its 20 + years 🤣

we actually have a competition to see who remembers ... 🎉

Comparison with other couples won't help OP. Some people aren't fussed whereas I can think of lots of couples married 30+ years who celebrate every year. The point is, you haven't mutually agreed not to celebrate. He forgot. That's shit.

I think it depends if he's always been not that bothered about anniversaries, or he always remembers and goes all out but hasn't this year?

My DH doesn't remember anniversaries and I'm not great at it either so if I remember I might wish him a happy anniversary or get him a card and if he remembers beforehand he might buy flowers or a card, but if he only remembered once I said it that day I wouldn't be bothered because that's our normal.

My best friend and her husband celebrate their dating and wedding anniversaries every year and make a big fuss for at least one of them - cards, presents, a night away etc. So if her husband didn't remember, she'd be upset because it'd indicate a change.

Is everything okay otherwise?

My husband and I both forgot our anniversary this year. My mum didn't, so we still wound up with fizz. I think with lockdowns etc. we've just lost track of where we are in the year!

It depends on

• whether he usually remembers
• whether this matters to you (it does I am guessing)
• and whether he’s a good husband in other ways.

If he never used to forget then I'd not worry about it.

I usually am the one to do the forgetting. My excuse is our anniversary is the start of the month so turn the page on the calendar and there it is with no time to get a card.

I never remember ours... its 20 + years 🤣

we actually have a competition to see who remembers ...

Ditto, @QueenBee52 🤣🤣

It isn't what happens or is exchanged once a year that matters @Currysauceandchips, its how you treat each other the rest of the year.

I never understand these posts. Don’t people discuss anniversaries in advance if they’re something you usually celebrate?

We always have a quick chat about whether or not to do anything, it takes seconds and goes something like:

DH: it’s our anniversary in a few weeks, fancy lunch somewhere?
Me: that sounds nice, are we doing presents this year?
DH: yes but we’ve got x coming up to pay for so let’s keep it small
Me: good plan

It pisses me off too OP but you are going to have to bring it up a month before and say what do you want to do for our anniversary in a month. I'd like to go away somewhere.
Otherwise you will just simmer with anger every year and that isn't good for a relationship, it eventually causes resentment and all kinds of other problems.

I never remember ours and it's on my birthday 🤣

DH and I are very big on events like birthdays and Christmas but our anniversary actually comes shortly after DDs birthday and we almost always forget until a day or two before. We do remind each other though so there’s usually a card. I wouldn’t be upset if he forgot although I would milk it mercilessly. Didn’t you mention it in the run up… suggest getting a table for dinner etc or was it a bit of a test?

its how you treat each other the rest of the year

I think this is spot on.

I forgot our anniversary this year it was a bad day for me and when he got home with nice flowers and a card it made me feel better. If this was the first time he forgot, I wouldn't read too much into it

I agree it's not helpful to compare to others. I've only been married three years and we don't celebrate it at all because neither of us care!

Although it's true that it only matters how he treats you with rest of the year that matters - this has obviously upset you so matters to you.

What did he say when you spoke to him about it ?

We take it in turns to remember and whoever remembers makes the other one feel bad for forgetting.
In 19 years, I don't think we have both managed to remember in the same year.

@Saidtoomuch

I never remember ours... its 20 + years 🤣

we actually have a competition to see who remembers ...

Ditto, @QueenBee52 🤣🤣

It isn't what happens or is exchanged once a year that matters @Currysauceandchips, its how you treat each other the rest of the year.

Definitely @Saidtoomuch .. 🌸

I sympathise with OP.. I do hope the rest of her relationship is a happy one... 💕

Depends on your relationship but I wouldn't be bothered about this at all. High expectations in relationships and general life always lead to disappointment.

@beachlife18

I never remember ours and it's on my birthday 🤣

shame on you 😂

You need to plan it together in advance.

Nothing wrong in expecting gifts and a fuss, but by reminding him in advance, you avoid disappointment.

I never remember my anniversary if we haven't got something booked.
In May, I will mention anniversary is coming (June) and see if we book a holiday somewhere. Come June, not a clue on the actual day if there's nothing booked for it. I'll remember a week later

I forget our anniversary most years and I think my DH secretly loves it because he can lord it over me that he's more romantic.

You're not BU to want something more but I suppose my point is don't assume it's lack of love or care. Perhaps just say you're feeling unappreciated?

Do you feel unappreciated in other aspects of the relationship too?

Does your friend's DH make her happy throughout the year?

That's what you should worry about.

It isn't what happens or is exchanged once a year that matters @Currysauceandchips, its how you treat each other the rest of the year.

So true and so important.

We don't celebrate our anniversary for various reasons but if we did we'd go out for a nice meal so it'd all be arranged in advance rather than being a surprise on the day. Both of us prefer being taken out than receiving Stuff as gifts and our mutual opinion that cards are pointless generally was something we shared very early on. We've also made it crystal clear to each other that we don't do surprises when it comes to outings and parties, I want to know exactly what my day will contain before I start it, ideally.

I once forgot DP's actual birthday. I'd already booked a meal out but it was the following weekend. Just had no idea what the date was when I woke up and didn't even wish him a happy birthday

@AnneLovesGilbert

I never understand these posts. Don’t people discuss anniversaries in advance if they’re something you usually celebrate?

We always have a quick chat about whether or not to do anything, it takes seconds and goes something like:

DH: it’s our anniversary in a few weeks, fancy lunch somewhere?
Me: that sounds nice, are we doing presents this year?
DH: yes but we’ve got x coming up to pay for so let’s keep it small
Me: good plan

This. It’s not a big deal to us. It’s the day after one of our dc’s birthday so we tend to forget it every year as we have more important things to do. If one of us does actually remember we’ll say something like ‘it’s our anniversary tomorrow, so you want to do anything for it’? It’s like women on here use their anniversary as a sort of test for their oh, if they happen to forget then they’ve failed? I’ve seen threads where people have said ‘I wonder if dh will remember it’s our anniversary tomorrow’? And you can tell from the tone of the thread that they do actually kind of want their partners to forget so that they can have some kind of one-upmanship over them

@NiceTwin

We take it in turns to remember and whoever remembers makes the other one feel bad for forgetting. In 19 years, I don't think we have both managed to remember in the same year.

We both forgot last year but fortunately dh didn't notice. This year I remembered just in time and made him a nice breakfast. He forgot so that means I have one in reserve! Honestly as long as everything else is good this doesn't bother me.