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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feeling undervalued birthday

35 replies

Unhotmess · 09/08/2021 23:30

Ok name changed long time poster. Been together with my partner almost 13 years (married 3 months). He works 4 days a week (Wednesday off). We were discussing plans for an evening meal tomorrow and go out somewhere nice the day after, however he has reported saying he has no time to relax on his day off and his customers Thursday and Friday will suffer due to this. I just feel really undervalued, I've gone all out on his birthdays, yet when it's mine he's just upset it takes time out of his time to relax and it effect his performance at work for the rest of the shift. Just feeling really unimportant, he gone to bed now making me feel like crap and not worth it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Unhotmess · 09/08/2021 23:37

Forget to say birthday tomorrow (10th)

OP posts:
HealthKick2021 · 09/08/2021 23:43

😨 Happy Birthday for tomorrow. Go out with your besties instead. ❤

Original poster
Unhotmess · 09/08/2021 23:50

I'm going to spend time with my mum in the day, it's just I've spent every one of his birthdays making it special for him if I didn't he would be upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
Unhotmess · 09/08/2021 23:51

Also thanks

OP posts:
Moonshine5 · 09/08/2021 23:54

Make a fuss about yourself, you are important. You count OP. Self compassion please. It's okay
and perfectly acceptable to want have a fuss made about you on your birthday. Celebrate you

ILiveInSalemsLot · 10/08/2021 00:00

Definitely go all out for yourself and don’t bother so much with his. So what if he gets upset, he doesn’t exactly care about you getting upset.

Debetswell · 10/08/2021 00:01

Well you know what to do on his next birthday, absolutely nothing!

Original poster
Unhotmess · 10/08/2021 00:01

@Moonshine5

Make a fuss about yourself, you are important. You count OP. Self compassion please. It's okay and perfectly acceptable to want have a fuss made about you on your birthday. Celebrate you
Thanks, just feel very undervalued, it's just any family event he's reluctant to get involved in, due to it stopping him relaxing(playing video games). Just tired of giving 100%
OP posts:
EKGEMS · 10/08/2021 12:04

To be honest he sounds like an immature man child. There would be hell to pay if my partner had this type of attitude. Don't accept it-give him the unvarnished truth and tell him you're evaluating your entire relationship-you deserve a partner who loves and respects you.

Lyricallie · 10/08/2021 12:09

Jesus I would be raging. It would be different if he was actually working and couldn't get time off. But he is off and is actively choosing not spend time with you. You literally just got married. I'm the same married last month. (Been together 10 years) I can imagine my new husband ditching me to play video games.

Lyricallie · 10/08/2021 12:09

*can't lol

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/08/2021 12:24

Well he has shown you what he thinks of you hasnt he, going out for a meal is hardly stressful and tiring is it! Especially as he expects a fuss for his birthday. Have you asked him how he would feel if the roles were reversed and you were more worried about being slightly tired for a customer rather than letting your spouse down?

MattHancocksSexTape · 10/08/2021 12:25

Happy Birthday.

I knew he’d be a gamer. It seems gaming is a higher priority to him than you.

SpacePotato · 10/08/2021 12:29

He'd rather play computer games to 'relax' than spend one evening out with you for your birthday?

Wow.

UberFeet826 · 10/08/2021 13:17

Happy birthday 🎂

You deserve much more Flowers Wine

How disappointing

KarmaStar · 10/08/2021 13:25

💐💐💐🍹🍹🍹HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎂🎂🎂.
Enjoy today doing somethings you really want to do,for you.
On HIS birthday,do sfa for him.You need to relax.😀

MauveMagnolia · 10/08/2021 13:26

Go out without him.

Apeirogon · 10/08/2021 13:33

I'm fairly low key when it comes to birthdays, but I would be really gutted if I suggested a meal out and my partner wanted to stay in and game instead Sad

Thebookswereherfriends · 10/08/2021 13:36

You need to give him the same effort he gives you, if he Complains you point out that he preferred to game rather than do something with you for your birthday. If this is a common theme in your relationship I think I would be rethinking the relationship.

KingdomScrolls · 10/08/2021 13:44

Wow I'm not a big one for fuss on a birthday but if this is what he's like after 3 months of marriage that doesn't bode well. I don't understand why he can't go out for dinner tomorrow evening??

MoonlightWanderer · 10/08/2021 13:48

Then stop going all out for his birthday and focus on yourself instead. Buy yourself a lovely present. Go to a nice restaurant with family or friends. He sounds quite lazy and selfish really.

girlmom21 · 10/08/2021 13:49

Happy birthday!

Why did you choose to marry a man who chooses video games over your birthday? It's literally one day a year he needs to make an effort for...

billy1966 · 10/08/2021 13:51

3 months married?

Well haven't you made a huge mistake.

Could he be any clearer?

Why would you marry such a waster?

What a life you have signed up for🙄.

3 months?

Unbelievable.

Chloemol · 10/08/2021 13:53

So tell him, tell him how he has made you feel horrible on your birthday and how would he feel if you did that to him?

Then tell him he’s about to find out as you won’t be doing anything g for his birthday

Movingsoon21 · 10/08/2021 13:55

Happy birthday! Flowers You do matter! And you deserve a bit of fuss on your birthday. Your husband clearly doesn’t value you - I would think about whether you really want this to be your future? If not you need to spell it out to him - “our marriage will not last if you don’t put more effort in and show me you actually love me”