To not want to go back to work?

[bleachblondemom]

I’m going back to work in October, DS will be 10 months old. I’ll do 3 days a week, all from the office as no one is WFH at our company anymore.
I’m really dreading it. I don’t hate my job at all but it can be stressful, with lots of deadlines to meet and if things go wrong they have to be frantically fixed ASAP. I don’t like the idea of being stressed out and then coming home to look after a young child. I like the people I work with but really don’t like my manager and try to keep away from him and out of his radar as much as possible. He contributes to the stress of the job (and my colleagues all feel the same, but that’s another story).
I’ve thought about quitting my job and finding something else part time, something ‘light’ with not too much responsibility. But then I worry about setting my whole career backwards. There’s not really any room for progression at my current job either though, especially if I go part time, I doubt I’ll ever see a pay rise ever again! But I’ve been there over 2 years so I don’t have to worry about things like maternity leave for any future pregnancies. Whereas if I got a new job I’d be starting from scratch in terms of what I’m entitled to, and I want to try for another baby in a few months.
I have some future goals but it will take me a while to reach them. I’m doing a WSET qualification (plan to pass my level 1 exam and start level 2 by the time I go back to work). The full qualification will take a good few years, and I probably wouldn’t try to find a job in the wine industry until I’ve a) passed level 3 and started level 4 (or possibly passed level 4 and started level 5) and b) finished having children.
DH is self employed and we could get by on just his salary but it would be tight, and that’s just with one child. Luckily DS will only need to go to nursery once or twice a week as DM and DMIL can help out (they both do shift work so have time off mid-week).
So that’s it really, I don’t really know what to do short term. I’ve got my long term goals as mentioned, but it’ll be a while before I can put them into practice. So shall I just suck it up and continue at my current job if I don’t care about progression because I know I want to switch careers eventually (even if it will take years)?

Not sure what or where you are ATM, but I used to work in the wine trade.

Many people I met while doing my WSET quals (I have a diploma) worked for Waitrose / John Lewis and would always ways how fantastic it was to work for as a company - could that be an option?

That’s a tough one, OP.

Could you spend some time between now and October applying for other jobs and ‘testing the water’?

Lots of companies have gone remote/hybrid now, so you might stumble across something a bit more flexible.

What stands out to me is you mentioning another baby in the near future , this would be my main reason to stay for now as you know you have relative security and a more straightforward maternity leave / pay for the next pregnancy .

@tsmainsqueeze yes that’s my main concern too. My family life is my most important priority and I don’t want to put my desire for more kids on hold.

@TorySteller I do keep having a look just incase, I’ll have another look tomorrow and see what’s about. But starting a new job would mean no entitlements to anything if I get pregnant fairly quickly

@LadyJaye do you mind me asking how long it took you to get your diploma? It’s something I’m really excited to be doing but I know it will take me a while. Yes I’ve heard that Majestic Wines is also a good one. I don’t know specifically what I want to do in the wine industry so I’m happy to start in retail as I think a lot of people do that

Bear in mind you’d have to repay mat leave if it was paid by the company if you don’t return. Why not give it 3 months and re-assess. You might enjoy the time at work, and maybe look for something else. Always better looking for a job when still in a job, less pressure too

How long are your shifts? If you do 3 days is this not part time? Or are they long ones?

@Darbs76 really??? I didn’t know that 😐 it certainly doesn’t say that in the company’s maternity leave policy! Just says if I choose not to return to work I have to give appropriate notice. My mat leave pay actually ends this month, mat leave officially ends end of November (12 months) but I’ve give notice of returning early.

Can you invest in a coach OP to help you unscramble where you are and what you want to achieve. Can you name your top 3 priorities - if you want to have another baby in 2yrs, or save for a deposit or invest in your career or be a homemaker. What’s the priority for you?

@Heartshapedrocks yeah I’ve said I’m gonna go back part time and I’ve requested 3 days so 24 hours a week really

@WonderingFree my priority is to have more kids. It’s what I’ve always wanted and I want them close in age. My career can wait. But I do eventually want to have a decent job that I actually care about. I just don’t mind starting/growing my family first.

If all goes to plan, you'll be ttc as soon as you go back so i def wouldn't be quitting to go elsewhere else you'll be sxrewed for mat ay

@SleepingStandingUp yeah exactly 😞 I know it’s the right thing to do I just really don’t want to go back 😂

@Darbs76 I’ve checked and that’s not right, I don’t have to pay anything back. I have never known that to happen to anyone. I’m in the uk, don’t know if you are outside the uk?

[quote bleachblondemom]@Heartshapedrocks yeah I’ve said I’m gonna go back part time and I’ve requested 3 days so 24 hours a week really[/quote]
Oh sorry I missed that and wasn't sure if it was 3 long days. Personally I'd stay put for now if you want more children soon, and if you have a long term career plan of sorts keep going with that qualification that's going to help get you there. Although your job sounds stressful, so is learning a new job, and to be honest there aren't that many part time, low stress jobs about. Better the devil you know imo for now.

Sorry, you'll be screwed for mat leave pay

Have you got any annual leave accrued? Could you use this to extend when you go back?

I'd stick it out whilst you ttc, see where you are in 6 months. If pregnant then stay, of not then start to look around

@Heartshapedrocks yeah you are right! I know that really I need to just stay in my job, I was just secretly hoping someone would be like nah it’s fine i did it and here is my success story! 😂😂 just wishful thinking.

[quote bleachblondemom]@Darbs76 I’ve checked and that’s not right, I don’t have to pay anything back. I have never known that to happen to anyone. I’m in the uk, don’t know if you are outside the uk?[/quote]
A lot of places stipulate it if they pay above and beyond the minimum. For example, I got 6 months full pay on maternity leave and then 3 months half pay, I had to return for a minimum of 3 months or face paying it all back. Its more common for companies to do this than to not, but if yours doesn't then that's good.

[quote bleachblondemom]@Darbs76 I’ve checked and that’s not right, I don’t have to pay anything back. I have never known that to happen to anyone. I’m in the uk, don’t know if you are outside the uk?[/quote]
My friend isn't going back, she's having to pay the enhanced mat leave pay back

@SleepingStandingUp yeah there’s no harm
In still ‘looking’ I guess but I need to give myself that ‘protection’ don’t I, and just think about in future that one day I’ll have a job I actually care about!

[quote bleachblondemom]@LadyJaye do you mind me asking how long it took you to get your diploma? It’s something I’m really excited to be doing but I know it will take me a while. Yes I’ve heard that Majestic Wines is also a good one. I don’t know specifically what I want to do in the wine industry so I’m happy to start in retail as I think a lot of people do that[/quote]
No worries!

I was working for Oddbins at the time on a PT basis, while starting up my own business, so it took me about three years - although I have friends who did it in about a year-18 months.

The big element for me was the classroom time, which is about 500 hours, although things may have changed with Covid and a lot more maybe able to be done online.

[quote bleachblondemom]@Heartshapedrocks yeah you are right! I know that really I need to just stay in my job, I was just secretly hoping someone would be like nah it’s fine i did it and here is my success story! 😂😂 just wishful thinking.[/quote]
Well...I did it and really regretted it. I left a job for one which from the job description seemed to have a much lower level of responsibility and to be honest seemed to have less tasks etc within the role; it was also half the pay. I started and hated it, learning a new job and meeting a new team along with less money and still stress wasn't ideal. I went back to my old company after a few months!

@SleepingStandingUp I only get SMP so won’t need to pay pack… I think it’s only if the company has a specific mat leave plan. Mine doesn’t, just standard smp.

@LadyJaye it’s pretty much all available online! I think there might be some in-person time on level 5. I’ve heard of oddbins so that’s another one I’ll bear in mind