To not want to go back to work?

[bleachblondemom]

I’m going back to work in October, DS will be 10 months old. I’ll do 3 days a week, all from the office as no one is WFH at our company anymore.
I’m really dreading it. I don’t hate my job at all but it can be stressful, with lots of deadlines to meet and if things go wrong they have to be frantically fixed ASAP. I don’t like the idea of being stressed out and then coming home to look after a young child. I like the people I work with but really don’t like my manager and try to keep away from him and out of his radar as much as possible. He contributes to the stress of the job (and my colleagues all feel the same, but that’s another story).
I’ve thought about quitting my job and finding something else part time, something ‘light’ with not too much responsibility. But then I worry about setting my whole career backwards. There’s not really any room for progression at my current job either though, especially if I go part time, I doubt I’ll ever see a pay rise ever again! But I’ve been there over 2 years so I don’t have to worry about things like maternity leave for any future pregnancies. Whereas if I got a new job I’d be starting from scratch in terms of what I’m entitled to, and I want to try for another baby in a few months.
I have some future goals but it will take me a while to reach them. I’m doing a WSET qualification (plan to pass my level 1 exam and start level 2 by the time I go back to work). The full qualification will take a good few years, and I probably wouldn’t try to find a job in the wine industry until I’ve a) passed level 3 and started level 4 (or possibly passed level 4 and started level 5) and b) finished having children.
DH is self employed and we could get by on just his salary but it would be tight, and that’s just with one child. Luckily DS will only need to go to nursery once or twice a week as DM and DMIL can help out (they both do shift work so have time off mid-week).
So that’s it really, I don’t really know what to do short term. I’ve got my long term goals as mentioned, but it’ll be a while before I can put them into practice. So shall I just suck it up and continue at my current job if I don’t care about progression because I know I want to switch careers eventually (even if it will take years)?

Three days a week is a great balance for many parents OP - still lots of time at home with your DC. It's often harder to find a part time job when you are applying for a new job rather than returning from mat leave. I'd stick with it if I was you.

@Apeirogon I’m in a lucky situation as well where I won’t need to pay for a lot of childcare so I am seeing sense now and realising I should just stay.

If there is a good chance that you will be going on mat leave again within 12 months of returning then the sensible thing would be to return to your previous job. You can still keep an eye out for other opportunities but as others have pointed out it is usually easier to find a new job when you are already in work.

It is daunting returning to work from mat leave so YANBU to feel a bit unsure about it but chances are you will settle back in to it quickly.

[quote bleachblondemom]@LadyJaye it’s pretty much all available online! I think there might be some in-person time on level 5. I’ve heard of oddbins so that’s another one I’ll bear in mind[/quote]
Excellent!

It's been about a decade now since I worked for Oddbins and it was a terrific company to work for at the time, although I don't know what it's like now.

Best of luck - some of the happiest years of my life were spent working in the wine trade, it's a lot of fun.

Its bloody hard going back after m .leave , I've done it 3 times ! but it has its positives too, you can't ever imagine leaving that gorgeous baby but as they get older /more demanding sometimes work is a relief and dare i say it a bit of a break .
I still think at this stage when you are planning a family/ more kids, work takes on a bit less of a priority .
I know some will disagree with this though !

Hi there, silly question that if you are getting the standard SMP then wouldn’t you get the same in another job even if it’s less than 2-yrs?

Level 5 doesn’t exist - there is WSET 1-3 then diploma which is sometimes referred to as level 4. MW would be the next qualification but that’s a huge jump from diploma (which is itself a huge jump from Level 3) and would never be referred to as level 5 as it’s not part of the WSET qualifications - there are about 400 in the world at present and qualifying takes 5 years. It great to have aspirations but there is a huge gulf between level 1 which is for people with zero wine knowledge and diploma which takes 2-3 years and MW is a leap beyond - you’d need an exceptional palate. I think you need to research the trade and the exam routes in more depth as you currently seem quite naive about the industry and have set yourself on a career path in wine seemingly without any experience.
Also - don’t start on level one - it’s completely unnecessary as it’s so basic. It’s a really fun industry but massively competitive and full of hugely knowledgable, experienced people.

@Sugarbellaella oh I think I miscounted then and meant level 4. Whichever the diploma is!

@tsmainsqueeze yeah I know what you mean :) I guess I’m doing the right thing for now!

I voted YABU as it is probably just nerves as you’ve been off so long but you might find you enjoy being a person again and not just a mum.

I’d go back and give it a try for a few weeks and then see how you feel.

No advice OP but my baby is 6 months and I've been worrying about going back to my job too. My job is really stressful. My DD isn't going to nursery/childminders either, I've managed to swing my mum two days a week and my partner one day. Still gutted at the thought of leaving her but I think it would be too tight just on my partners wage. I want more kids too (ideally 3) but how does anyone afford it nowadays??

@PlanetTeaTime I look at my moms friends and they’ve all raised 2 or 3 kids each and still have really good careers and I’m like, how?? I guess if you get into a good place financially/work-wise when you’re younger, which they did, it tends to work out. We are not in a bad place but not really great so we do need me to earn some money.

@toocold54 yeah you’re right and I don’t know til I go back, I could really enjoy it. And if for whatever reason I hate it and it really drags me down then me and DH will have to talk about it.

Hi OP, I'm not in the same industry as you but had a similar scenario.
I returned to work after maternity leave in April 2020, really didn't want to go back! The pandemic allowed me to not put DD in nursery full time which was a massive relief for me so suspect it will help that you only have to put your child in nursery very part time.

I have since done a career change and chose to do some exams while staying in the job I didn't like. I was offered a job in my new industry and I do think it was a good decision to not go straight into a new job right after DD starting nursery, for me it would have been too many new stressors.

If you're hoping to get pregnant quickly too I would stick to your old job and do exams as and when you can so you are ready for a career change at a later date. I know what it's like to not like your job but if you want another baby quickly I would stick with it. Alternatively find a company with a good mat leave policy and get pregnant when you qualify for maternity pay and return to it after.

@Rapunzel91 thank you I think what you’ve said has made total sense and summed it up pretty nicely

@Darbs76

Bear in mind you’d have to repay mat leave if it was paid by the company if you don’t return. Why not give it 3 months and re-assess. You might enjoy the time at work, and maybe look for something else. Always better looking for a job when still in a job, less pressure too

Not always. Check with your employer.

You don’t have to repay at mine, and it’s 26 weeks full pay!

If you only get smp there’s no point staying for the mat pay, you’d get the same almost as soon as you start a new job it works out something like as long as you’ve been employed for more than a week or two before you become pregnant. If you truly want to leave you could ttc right up until handing in your notice, have a couple of months off and start once you’re in your new job if you wanted.

[quote bleachblondemom]@Darbs76 I’ve checked and that’s not right, I don’t have to pay anything back. I have never known that to happen to anyone. I’m in the uk, don’t know if you are outside the uk?[/quote]
I work in UK, my employer insists on a return to office for at least 6 months. If leave before that mat pay to be repaid.

@HalzTangz Ok but if you just get smp like I do, nothing has to be repaid. I understand now that some companies have their own terms.

Since you only qualify for smp then relly not worth staying for.

To be eligible for smp
"haveworked for your employer continuouslyfor at least 26 weeks continuing into the ‘qualifying week’ - the 15th week before the expected week of childbirth"

So in theory you would only have to work 5 months for a new employer before trying for a baby.

@HippeePrincess good point, I thought I’d have to be employed somewhere a lot longer to qualify for smp. I haven’t really looked as when I was ttc before, I’d worked for my current employer long enough so I didn’t need to look

Go back to work. Honestly your boss might not be there forever and you wont know how it fits in with the baby until you try. Nothing is permanent and until you've tried it you wont know how it will work out balancing work and looking after a baby. 3 long stressful days still leaves you with nights and 4 days to see your baby. You might struggle to find another part time job that's in the field you want. Your more fortunate than most with the childcare situation, both from the view of you dont have the daily stress of having to run for the early train so you make sure you are back in time for pick up - I'm sure your relatives wont fine you or refuse further childcare for being 15 min late. Also you wont have to try and settle back in while taking off loads of time for nursery illnesses.

Nothing is set in stone, give it a few months and if you dont like if, then think about leaving.

I say this as someone who was dreading going back, cried leaving my 10 month old for the first time even though my husband was with her on paternity leave and had no idea how I'd fit it all in. But 6 months later it became routine and I realised I hadn't felt like 'me' until I'd gone back to work and had that time doing something I'm good at away from being a mum. It means I have to work the occasional few hours to catch up on a weekend if there is an important deadline but in the grand scheme of things its worked out well

Just thought I’d say that many wine companies will fund your qualifications. Most people join us after a stint at Majestic. You get tasting experience as well as developing sales skills. People get level 2 or 3 WSET there and then seem to want regular office hours. Look on the WSET website for trade jobs. It’s where most people advertise. Good luck!

@Br1ll1ant thank you that’s very helpful :)

[quote bleachblondemom]@Darbs76 I’ve checked and that’s not right, I don’t have to pay anything back. I have never known that to happen to anyone. I’m in the uk, don’t know if you are outside the uk?[/quote]
Yes I’m in the U.K. This is fairly standard if your company are paying you maternity leave (if only getting statutory it’s different). My friend had to return for 3/4 months to avoid repaying the mat leave. You should try and find out before making any firm decisions, it might not specify in your contract. But it’s pretty standard for companies to be expecting their employees back