Gym Buddies | Mumsnet

Amdone123 · 09/08/2021 14:20

It's so difficult. I've been in this position. My sister is my best friend and I love spending time with her but we have different views on exercise and getting fit. I do it and she, like your friend, talks about it.
About 18 months before Lockdown, I joined a gym. I loved it. Did the classes, lost 20lb and became fitter and stronger. My sister joined, never went and now never mentions getting fit.
I would just be honest. I've recently joined up to Advance Zumba classes and my sister mentioned coming with me. I told her it's advanced and you need the basics, but sure, this is the time and place if you want to come along. She hasn't as of yet.
I also refused to 'go with her' that is, meet up. Just said I'll see you there.
Sorry I don't have much advice but just say that you're doing really well, you're in the zone and you don't want to be sidetracked.
Any decent friend would understand.

Aprilx · 09/08/2021 14:24

Well I think she should ask somebody working there to show her around, plenty of people do this when they are new to a gym.

But equally, I am sure I could spend one session going round the machines with a friend showing her what to do, without it seriously comprising my own well being.

NVision · 09/08/2021 14:27

Another point is that you wouldn't want to show them how to use things because if you get it wrong or the message is confused they could hurt themselves. Direct to the gym staff to do an induction session or book a session with a PT.

It's fine to just keep repeating the same reasons and hopefully she'll get the message.

I wouldn't want to be someone's free gym instructor (and source of blame when they hurt themselves or don't make progress)

araiwa · 09/08/2021 14:32

She won't turn up. So don't worry about it

Original poster

ParryHotter85 · 09/08/2021 14:33

@Aprilx

Well I think she should ask somebody working there to show her around, plenty of people do this when they are new to a gym.

But equally, I am sure I could spend one session going round the machines with a friend showing her what to do, without it seriously comprising my own well being.

Yes I agree and I have offered to do this.

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reader12 · 09/08/2021 14:33

She’s being feeble and overly dependent on you. It’s ridiculous of her to say she doesn’t want anyone to know she’s a beginner, everyone in the gym was one once. Tell her it’s important that whoever shows her how to use the equipment really knows what they’re doing otherwise it’s not safe so she needs to book an induction with the gym staff, but you’re happy to go at the same time and have a coffee with her after you’ve both done your sessions.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 09/08/2021 14:34

Just tell her when you'll be there and she can join you if she likes. Do your own programme and if she whinges just say, "Oh it's a shame you don't want to do XYZ. I'm off to the rowing machine now."

Original poster

ParryHotter85 · 09/08/2021 14:34

@NVision

Another point is that you wouldn't want to show them how to use things because if you get it wrong or the message is confused they could hurt themselves. Direct to the gym staff to do an induction session or book a session with a PT.

It's fine to just keep repeating the same reasons and hopefully she'll get the message.

I wouldn't want to be someone's free gym instructor (and source of blame when they hurt themselves or don't make progress)

I know this is what I said. I stated I will shown her the basics etc and the machines but I also am a beginner myself and still learning,

I suggested the PT sessions we get as part of a membership and that was when they said no because everyone will know I'm a beginner

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ClaudiaWankleman · 09/08/2021 14:43

I think I'd suggest that you both book into a class together. You are there to provide the moral support and confidence but what you both do is set by someone else.

I get why your friend is so nervous though. Gyms can feel overwhelmingly intimidating, especially if you don't look around and immediately see someone who looks like you.

Justcallmebebes · 09/08/2021 14:52

I've got one of these!! Literally every week I get a message asking if she can tag along to one of my classes/gym workouts/swims [edit as applicable]. Every week I agree and make loose arrangements to meet and not once since has she turned up.

Massive waste of a membership but not my problem

Original poster

ParryHotter85 · 09/08/2021 15:02

@ClaudiaWankleman

I think I'd suggest that you both book into a class together. You are there to provide the moral support and confidence but what you both do is set by someone else.

I get why your friend is so nervous though. Gyms can feel overwhelmingly intimidating, especially if you don't look around and immediately see someone who looks like you.

Ive suggested this to do a class but no. She wants to do weights.

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Notadramallama · 09/08/2021 15:10

my gym won't let people in until they've done an induction to make sure they know how to use the equipment properly. Perhaps your gym has a similar policy?

Original poster

ParryHotter85 · 09/08/2021 15:19

@Notadramallama

my gym won't let people in until they've done an induction to make sure they know how to use the equipment properly. Perhaps your gym has a similar policy?

Yes they do but she has stated she has been before as she didn't want an induction as she doesn't want people to know shes a beginning the same as the PT situation.

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Original poster

ParryHotter85 · 09/08/2021 15:34

@Amdone123

It's so difficult. I've been in this position. My sister is my best friend and I love spending time with her but we have different views on exercise and getting fit. I do it and she, like your friend, talks about it. About 18 months before Lockdown, I joined a gym. I loved it. Did the classes, lost 20lb and became fitter and stronger. My sister joined, never went and now never mentions getting fit. I would just be honest. I've recently joined up to Advance Zumba classes and my sister mentioned coming with me. I told her it's advanced and you need the basics, but sure, this is the time and place if you want to come along. She hasn't as of yet. I also refused to 'go with her' that is, meet up. Just said I'll see you there. Sorry I don't have much advice but just say that you're doing really well, you're in the zone and you don't want to be sidetracked. Any decent friend would understand.

Well done on your 20lb loss that's amazing

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devildeepbluesea · 09/08/2021 15:37

As a qualified gym instructor, I'd say that any gym worth their salt would be unwilling for members to show other people how to use the machines. They would be liable for any accidents, and this is why most of them insist on inductions for all new members.

Maybe ask the gym for their policy on inductions, and / or tell your friend that they won't allow you to do it?

TheFoundations · 09/08/2021 15:42

@devildeepbluesea has it. I'm a PT and would say the same. You might have been directed to do things a certain way due to your body, different techniques or methods will be more appropriate for your friend. Push it to her as in 'This is YOUR journey, my friend! You don't want to just stick to my old boring routine, there'll be stuff that's WAY better for you than anything I can show you!', and then you've got something you can repeat whenever she gets in the path of you getting your own workout done.

TheFoundations · 09/08/2021 15:46

Also make it clear to her what alternatives are available to her, without mentioning yourself as one of them.

Induction by a PT at the gym. PT all of her own. Buy some weights and learn from the internet. Go to the park and use the fitness equipment.

But never ever: Let me show you!

Remind her you can't go with her every time because you only have x minute in the gym and your workout is exactly x minutes. If she's going to get anywhere, she'll be inspired by your focus.

ClaudiaWankleman · 09/08/2021 15:50

Ive suggested this to do a class but no. She wants to do weights.

Lots of classes are weights based though - kettlebells, the les mills style ones with the barbells etc.

Stand up for yourself!

Original poster

ParryHotter85 · 09/08/2021 15:52

@devildeepbluesea

As a qualified gym instructor, I'd say that any gym worth their salt would be unwilling for members to show other people how to use the machines. They would be liable for any accidents, and this is why most of them insist on inductions for all new members.

Maybe ask the gym for their policy on inductions, and / or tell your friend that they won't allow you to do it?

Your are absolutely right. But she has told the gym she has had an induction in the past as she didn't want to be shown as a 'newbie' around the gym.

I have suggested a PT session ( we get them for free each month) again she doesn't want to be seen as a newbie with someone showing her.

I dont know what else to suggest. All she wants to do is follow exactly what I'm doing but I am also a beginner and will be making use of my free PT sessions.

Also when she is just stood at my side watching me without even wanting to go on the treadmill and do a slow walk, I cant get on with my workout by putting in my headphones and zoning out.

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Original poster

ParryHotter85 · 09/08/2021 15:55

@TheFoundations

Also make it clear to her what alternatives are available to her, without mentioning yourself as one of them.

Induction by a PT at the gym. PT all of her own. Buy some weights and learn from the internet. Go to the park and use the fitness equipment.

But never ever: Let me show you!

Remind her you can't go with her every time because you only have x minute in the gym and your workout is exactly x minutes. If she's going to get anywhere, she'll be inspired by your focus.

This has been going on 6 months. She says she's doing this that and the other but never does. I suggested working out from home but she said she would never do it. Im out of ideas.

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Anordinarymum · 09/08/2021 16:09

@ParryHotter85

Im struggling here without wanting to be selfish.

I’ve joined a gym after losing weight. I have a workout programme that I follow and enjoy. My friend has been procrastinating for months keeps complaining about weight etc signed up to do different things but never follows through but still complains they dont like the way they look.

My friend decided to come to my gym and asked if I would be there first time which I agreed to as they were nervous. They came but would not do anything not even walking and left.

My friend is asking now what days I am going and wants to come and for me to show them the machines etc which I dont mind doing but I also need to be able to utilise the time I have in the gym for myself.

I suggested one of the PT’s in the gym who could write a programme for them but that was declined as everyone would know that they was a ‘beginner’.

How do I be a good friend here whilst also taking care of myself?

If this were me, I would tell the friend that I am only there because of the weight loss and not because I enjoy going. Tell her you have to find the time to go and only stay there for the bare minimum and so you are not the best person to advise or help someone else. Something like this

BashfulClam · 09/08/2021 16:10

You could get in trouble if they Wee you teaching her. My friends brother is a personal trainer for a football team(he’s a qualified PT and has a degree in sports science), he was helping his girlfriend when they went to the gym together. He was asked by staff is he was a PT he said ‘yes but this is my girlfriend and I’m just helping her!’ They were fine with that and explained they don’t let other people train people due to insurance and that their PT’s should be the ones doing any training.

TheFoundations · 09/08/2021 16:20

Given the amount of things you've tried, and she's simply not getting the hint; you need to broaden your boundaries about what 'being a good friend' looks like. She, after all, isn't concerning herself about being a good friend to you.

'I'm sorry Geraldine, I simply don't have time. I'm sure you'd be better off, and more satisfied in the long run, if you do this independently. It's not like I'm an expert, after all, I've got not qualifications whatsoever in this field!'

If that doesn't work:

'Sod off, Geraldine.'

Herecomesthesun70 · 09/08/2021 18:01

Dear me. She can't be helped unfortunately
If she wouldn't even walk on a treadmill she has no hope
Insist she has an induction and gets a programme written that suits her
If she refuses then I'm afraid you'll have to tell her you can't help

Original poster

ParryHotter85 · 09/08/2021 18:23

@Herecomesthesun70

Dear me. She can't be helped unfortunately If she wouldn't even walk on a treadmill she has no hope Insist she has an induction and gets a programme written that suits her If she refuses then I'm afraid you'll have to tell her you can't help

I've suggested the PT to her, I've suggested the induction so she knows how to use all the machines.

Ive suggested doing a class. What she is going to do is follow me around the gym and try and copy off what I'm doing.

I cant say no to her coming with me but I need to politely get own with my own workout. I use the gym for not only physical but for my mental health too. Its stressing me out.

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