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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gym Buddies

34 replies

ParryHotter85 · 09/08/2021 14:11

Im struggling here without wanting to be selfish.

I’ve joined a gym after losing weight. I have a workout programme that I follow and enjoy. My friend has been procrastinating for months keeps complaining about weight etc signed up to do different things but never follows through but still complains they dont like the way they look.

My friend decided to come to my gym and asked if I would be there first time which I agreed to as they were nervous. They came but would not do anything not even walking and left.

My friend is asking now what days I am going and wants to come and for me to show them the machines etc which I dont mind doing but I also need to be able to utilise the time I have in the gym for myself.

I suggested one of the PT’s in the gym who could write a programme for them but that was declined as everyone would know that they was a ‘beginner’.

How do I be a good friend here whilst also taking care of myself?

OP posts:
BIWI · 09/08/2021 18:28

I cant say no to her coming with me

Yes you can! And this is what you should be doing. You should also woman up and tell her not to be so silly. Everyone was a beginner at some point in time.

You've been incredibly patient with her, but now is the time to draw a line under it and tell her you're not putting up with this any more.

TheFoundations · 09/08/2021 18:31

I think she's expecting you to take responsibility for you, and you are. Why are you concerned about being the perfect friend for her when she's been stressing you out all this time?

What stops you saying 'The gym's my time alone, my me time, and I don't have the energy or qualifications to be training you or keeping you company whilst I train. You're going to have to look after yourself on this one.'? What worries you about it? Will she have a tantrum or something?

TheFoundations · 09/08/2021 18:32

*responsibility for her, sorry

Original poster
ParryHotter85 · 09/08/2021 18:48

@BIWI

I cant say no to her coming with me

Yes you can! And this is what you should be doing. You should also woman up and tell her not to be so silly. Everyone was a beginner at some point in time.

You've been incredibly patient with her, but now is the time to draw a line under it and tell her you're not putting up with this any more.

Ive always had this problem of saying no. I dont want to come across as awful.

When I've been giving her suggestions she stated it sounds like you dont want me to come with you.

She also is getting the same gym outfit as me and asking what I eat and how much,

OP posts:
Original poster
ParryHotter85 · 09/08/2021 18:50

@TheFoundations

I think she's expecting you to take responsibility for you, and you are. Why are you concerned about being the perfect friend for her when she's been stressing you out all this time?

What stops you saying 'The gym's my time alone, my me time, and I don't have the energy or qualifications to be training you or keeping you company whilst I train. You're going to have to look after yourself on this one.'? What worries you about it? Will she have a tantrum or something?

I think I'm just worried about hurting her feelings. Its like she wants to lose weight now and wants someone to do the work for her.
OP posts:
devildeepbluesea · 09/08/2021 18:52

@ParryHotter85 so what if she's previously told them she's had an induction? They won't remember - or she could even say it was ages ago, she hasn't been since and needs another one.

Polkadots2021 · 09/08/2021 18:56

@ParryHotter85

Im struggling here without wanting to be selfish.

I’ve joined a gym after losing weight. I have a workout programme that I follow and enjoy. My friend has been procrastinating for months keeps complaining about weight etc signed up to do different things but never follows through but still complains they dont like the way they look.

My friend decided to come to my gym and asked if I would be there first time which I agreed to as they were nervous. They came but would not do anything not even walking and left.

My friend is asking now what days I am going and wants to come and for me to show them the machines etc which I dont mind doing but I also need to be able to utilise the time I have in the gym for myself.

I suggested one of the PT’s in the gym who could write a programme for them but that was declined as everyone would know that they was a ‘beginner’.

How do I be a good friend here whilst also taking care of myself?

OP, I'm a PT. Establish boundaries. Say you'd love to have her come along but she needs to join in with you or get a gym induction/PT. Friendship goes both ways and she needs to understand your position too.
Original poster
ParryHotter85 · 09/08/2021 18:58

[quote devildeepbluesea]@ParryHotter85 so what if she's previously told them she's had an induction? They won't remember - or she could even say it was ages ago, she hasn't been since and needs another one.[/quote]

No shes told them shes had an induction so she doesn't have to have another one because she doesn't want to look like a newbie.

She used the analogy of its like passing your test and driving round with learner plates on.

OP posts:
TheFoundations · 09/08/2021 19:24

Its like she wants to lose weight now and wants someone to do the work for her

It's like she's making you feel crap and is unwilling to take responsibility for herself, and you're allowing yourself to be drawn into her endless lose-lose game.

You're being too nice, and she's not being nice enough. You need a boundary.

'I've offered about 10 different solutions to this problem, Geraldine, and I don't want to discuss it again because we never make any progress. Now, where shall we go for coffee?'

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