to not take 6mth and 2 yr old to evening party?

mrschop · 2007-11-29T08:56:54+00:00

is a Xmas party (adults and kids) starting at 7.30. Both are usually asleep by that time, 2.10yr old doesn't sleep during day and so takes himself to bed saying he's tired at 6.45! Think they will either fall asleep on the way and/or will be nightmare when they get there. Is a family party - IL's - and think they are disappointed we're not going, MIL in particular as understandably she wants to show them off to the more distant rellies. Feel slightly bad but think it will just be a nightmare with overtired kids. Is different if we are already out somewhere and stay past bedtime, but to take them out when usually they're asleep is different.

VictorianSqualor · 29/11/2007 09:00

Personally I'd take them, even if only for an hour or so.
I very much doubt they'll be tired and/or falling alseep if they know they're going to a party, and IME, once they get there, they'll out party you.

chopchopbusybusy · 29/11/2007 09:02

Could you stay with your ILs?

Or if they don't live very far away go for a short time. Dress them in PJs so that if they fall asleep when driving home they can be put straight to bed.

My DDs were always completely portable when under 1 - at 2.10 less so, but if I had wanted to go I would, but then I'm not a huge fan of rigid routine.

Bubble99 · 29/11/2007 09:04

Is there any way you could get your 2.10yr old to have a sleep during the afternoon?

I sympathise, as we have been in this situation many times.

Could the baby wear pyjamas so that you can just move him/her straight into bed when you get back.

nailpolish · 29/11/2007 09:05

it wont be as bad as you imagine. it never is.

could they go to bed upstairs at IL's? then you can take them home in pyjamas and then straight to bed when they get home. ive done that and they barely wke up

castille · 29/11/2007 09:05

Agree that some toddlers can be party animals given the chance!

Can you take travel cots and put them to bed in a different room after they've been shown off to the family, then transfer them to car and bed later? We've done that on lots of occasions and as a one-off it's ok.

Baffy · 29/11/2007 09:05

I'd take them tbh.

It's a one off. It's a christmas party. ILs want to show off their grandchildren to relatives (understandable imo, they are probably so proud).

If you could get the 2.10yr old to have a sleep in the day (drive him round, out in pram etc) then that would be even better. The 6month old will probably just sleep in the pram all evening anyway. But at least you'll be there.

If it were me I'd go.

purplemonkeydishwasher · 29/11/2007 09:06

this is the thing that i don't get - you get people constantly asking 'are they sleeping through yet?' 'are they good sleepers?' etc etc
these are the same people who invite you over at 7:30 (or later sometimes) and expect you to bring the kids and them to be all wonderful.
personally i wouldn't go. it's past the kids bed time. maybe offer to come earlier so that the ILs can see the LOs (and then you could always stay a bit later) but coming out after they are supposed to already be asleep is pretty unreasonable.

2sugars · 29/11/2007 09:08

No. 2yo will Bop till he drops and then fall asleep on a pile of clothes. 6mo is still portable. Enjoy

inthegutter · 29/11/2007 09:14

I'm not a big fan of 'showing children off' - they're children, not performing seals, and if this is the main reason MIL wants you there, then I can understand your reservations. Also, if your DCs are going to be out of routine and stroppy, then you'll probably feel worse that the distant rellies who never see them will have a false impression of what your kids are like. I would either get a babysitter so you can go and properly enjoy the party, or politely decline.

Heifer · 29/11/2007 09:25

I would take then - your 2 yr old could always go and lie down on a bed somewhere (he if wants to) I am very jealous by the way of having a child that WANTS to go to bed...

We don't have any babysitters really so have always taken our DD (almost 4 now) tis the only way for us to go anywhere!

We just don't stay so long, and always judge when DD has had enough (changed in behaviour) and leave way before meltdown..

Go on, enjoy

Original poster

mrschop · 29/11/2007 09:27

Thanks all. A few months ago, I wd def have given it a go, they were more portable - though I think even then I wd have hesitated about leaving the house after bedtime. But now DS won't sleep in the day, no matter what tricks I use!
As the party is in a hall about 30 mins drive away, I think he'll drop off on way and be as miserable as sin on arrival. And as inthegutter says, I think people then get a false impression of what they're like - you all know people love a "what horrors the children of X are" chat over the turkey!
We are trying to work out to pop over to IL's in the afternoon so people coming for the party can call in a bit earlier if they want to see the children, though I do't think the timing works that well as people are coming from all over the place for the evening, so won't want to come three hours earlier to see us.

OP posts:

Original poster

mrschop · 29/11/2007 09:27

Thanks all. A few months ago, I wd def have given it a go, they were more portable - though I think even then I wd have hesitated about leaving the house after bedtime. But now DS won't sleep in the day, no matter what tricks I use!
As the party is in a hall about 30 mins drive away, I think he'll drop off on way and be as miserable as sin on arrival. And as inthegutter says, I think people then get a false impression of what they're like - you all know people love a "what horrors the children of X are" chat over the turkey!
We are trying to work out to pop over to IL's in the afternoon so people coming for the party can call in a bit earlier if they want to see the children, though I do't think the timing works that well as people are coming from all over the place for the evening, so won't want to come three hours earlier to see us.

OP posts:

LoveAngelGabriel · 29/11/2007 09:29

Personally, I'd take my 2 yr old son for an hour or so (usually do when it comes to evening family things), but I completely understand your decision not to. Lots of children just can't cope with disruption to their bedtime routine, and you know your children best and how they will/won't cope with a party like this. Sorry, that's no help at all, is it?

nailpolish · 29/11/2007 09:29

maybe you could meet up the next day for lunch somewhere?

im not a f an of showng children off either, my ILs are HUGE on this - it REALLY annoys me - but the children would enjoy it and it keeps the peace

we dont have babysitters either, we either take the children or dont go places!

JolieGirl · 29/11/2007 09:37

No, no, no, definitely don't take them. Screaming overtired children are no fun for you, them, or anyone else at the party. Children at 7.30 should be in bed at this age but then I am v strict on bedtime routine for my 18 mo. You know youe own kids best obviously but if it was me I would not even entertain the thought for a second

love2sleep · 29/11/2007 09:37

My dss are about the same age and I definitely wouldn't take them for all the reasons that you give.
The only exception I might make is if it were completely impossible for some of the distant relatives to have met them during the day. In my view anyone organising a party to include babies and toddlers should have given an earlier start time. Could you offer a compromise of meeting up earlier in the day with the children?

pukkapatch · 29/11/2007 09:39

the only places i wouldnt take my dc are
nightclubs
pubs in the evening
new years party where everyonwe will be drinking.

nailpolish · 29/11/2007 09:44

i think its a shame if you dont take your children anywehre

mine have never been "screaming overtired children"

they love the attention and getting to dance about in party dresses. they usually just fall asleep in the corner if tired. its great fun for them.

as i said we have no babysitters whatsoever so we either take them or dont go

Original poster

mrschop · 29/11/2007 09:49

I am torn. As love2sleep says - I think parties for children should start earlier! But then I think I'm turning into a parent who insists the world revolves around her little treasures!

I always take them to weddings etc and DS carries on all night pretty well, but we've never been asked to a party, with them, which starts after their bedtime.

Is good to have a range of views, thanks - whatever we decide or can work out, I feel we're not being completely unreasonable in having big reservations about taking them out when they'd usually be in bed.

OP posts:

happynappies · 29/11/2007 09:57

YANBU - it is one of my pet peeves that people tell me to take my 12 month old dd out past her bedtime. I fully accept that other people may have different experiences, and am glad that their dc's can enjoy nights out and one-off parties etc, but... My dd has enough sleeping problems as it is without us messing up her bed-time routine. We took her once or twice when she was littler and more portable and it was fine, but the older she got, the more we paid for it that night when she would wake every couple of hours, and the next day. Now that might sound selfish, but I think ultimately it wasn't fair on my dd - she was the one whose sleep was affected, and who was tired and grizzly. Of course it affected us too - but mostly her! Now, when people tell me we should take her out I wonder how they would feel if I told them to stay in, and make sure their dc's were in bed by 7pm!!! I'm not getting at people on here - as I say its great that people are able to enjoy things with their dc's, its just people I know who like to tell me what to do without understanding my reasons, and I'm sure they wouldn't like me telling them what to do. Off my soapbox now!

castille · 29/11/2007 09:58

Agree nailpolish.

Life doesn't stop when you have kids. Family parties are important for little ones - they love being surrounded by smiling people who adore them, they relish a one-off change in routine as much as adults do, and enjoy the fuss. And these events can stick in their minds for years! My 10-year old still remembers with fondness her uncle's 20th birthday party that she went to when she was just 2.

OK it might make for a difficult morning after, but that's nothing that a couple of early nights and/or long naps won't cure, and the memory of a fun family get-together is worth it, surely?

JolieGirl · 29/11/2007 10:00

no way will a 2 yr old and 6 mo remember this party for years castille!!!!! be serious!!!

VictorianSqualor · 29/11/2007 10:01

mrschop, I think the fact that you have taken them to other palces shows you're happy to be there, it's just getting there that's the problem and transporting them at bedtimes is likely to make them fall asleep?
Where is the party? Is anyone going to be setting it up?
Could you be there before everyone else? With my xmil's 50th birthday party my DS was 6 months and DD was 4 1/2, Dd was no problem but I was bothered abotu taking DS so close to bedtime, we got to the hall at the time XMIL was to go in and set up and he ran around with balloons for a while, then we left at 9pm, they fell asleep on the way home and I just carried them upto bed. It all worked out fine.

aDadGoneMad · 29/11/2007 10:04

nope I wouldnt take them.

If it were just the 6mo then yes, but not your nearly 3 yr old. No way.

escape · 29/11/2007 10:06

Nailpolish is right.
YANBU to have reservations - I completely undersatnd, but as a one off - I'd suck it and see