Partner’s birthday- AIBU?

[Sweetchocolatecandy]

So it’s my partner’s birthday coming up and when I asked him what he wants he said he doesn’t want any physical presents but he would like a hotel stay with a meal, drinks etc included. This is fine however for nearly all of my birthdays over the years I’ve had about 30 quid spent on me when I’ve gone way OTT on him (think xboxes etc). I’m not saying that I only give to receive but I’m now at the point where I’m thinking ‘why should I spend all of this money when you wouldn’t spend it on me?!’. We had an argument about it last night and he said he’s never thought about who has spent what on who and that I sound resentful about any money I’ve spent on him in the past.

I’m really not a money-orientated person (or at least I don’t think I am) but I now feel like maybe I shouldn’t have made a big deal about it and just spent the money? (We earn roughly the same wage if that helps).

I sound resentful about any money I’ve spent on him in the past.

And so you should! I’m annoyed on your behalf. What a piss taker.

Fuck that, I'd be telling him what the budget was based on your last few presents from him and unless it's a special birthday, he'd be getting just that spent on him.

Cheeky bastard

I would have said "That's way beyond budget compared to how we usually celebrate birthdays. If you want to do that I'm happy to put in £X but you will need to make up the balance. What do you want to do? "

He is very cheeky as that could be very expensive. Nice hotel £200? Nice meal with drinks in hotel restaurant £100? Other drinks/ lunches/ petrol £50? So at least £350.

I get what he says about not counting every penny but if he's expecting you to pay 10 x what he normally spends on you and he earns the same he is very very cheeky.

He's just cross that you have pointed it out and it makes him look like a dick. Well done for doing it. Get him a hotel voucher for £30.

Have you told him what you want for birthday gifts or had he been choosing? I’d send a wish list of gifts so he has an idea of your expectations.

I buy gifts based on what I think my DH would really like or needs and have booked little trips away in the past. He nearly always just asks me what I want though and my answer is again based on what I want/need and not cost.

Is your relationship balanced in other ways or is this an ongoing issue? Maybe time to think about how you split finances etc

No I never know what to say if anyone asks what I want for birthdays or Christmas and this was his argument last night ‘well you never ask for anything so I never know what to buy’. Although this year I did ask for money towards a new phone, my birthday was in may, he said he’ll contribute and I’m still waiting. He’s lovely in other ways it’s just this issue, this why I think maybe I should have just left it, but it just felt unfair when he mentioned the hotel break last night.

So next time tell him what you want for your birthday - a hotel stay, a certain item of jewellery etc. and see what happens.

Have you bought the new phone that he was supposed to be contributing to?

Cross posted. Tell him you can't afford anything for his birthday as you had to pay for your new phone.

To be honest he sounds stingy and if I was you I would consider whether he is stingy in other ways towards you. If you don't have kids I would think carefully about starting that journey with him as you might end up arguing about money with him all the time.

He sounds extremely stingy, tell him to book a hotel and you'll contribute something towards the cost.

So he hasn't got you anything this year, yet asked for a really expensive gift! Cheeky sod.

It depends on the general financial landscape.only you know what’s fair and it seems like you think this is very unfair.

Huh?

Why are you buying him anything when he's not bought you a birthday present from MAY ?

Perfect time to say "Oh I thought we weren't doing gifts anymore since my last birthday"

And then say nothing

He's a user.

Book a Travelodge & split the food bills. Tho I'd be tempted to take him to Macdonalds...

If you're still waiting for your birthday money, let him wait for his treat actually.

Next time ask him for a new phone not money towards one!!
I suppose with the hotel you will get to enjoy it as well but could he pay for dinner while you pay for hotel. He is either not thinking or a bit of a selfish guy.

Show him reviews of a hotel costing 200 quid..
Take 100 towards your phone and book a 100 quid hotel. And tell him.
Remember you also get the treat of a hotel!! And stop buying him gifts from now on.

So he said he'd pay towards a new phone that you asked for but hasn't and yet he expects you to gift him with a hotel break? Nice try CF!

He hasn’t bought you anything at all?

That’s the perfect opportunity to say “let’s each get this as our present to the other, and split it half and half”. How could he wriggle out of that?

He sounds both stingy and a chancer!

I would say he can pay for his own hotel stay with the money he saved not getting you a present three months ago!

Unfortunately you did ask him, and going on the history he obviously considered that you would be willing to pay for this.

However, you do not have to. Is he usually selfish & inconsiderate?

I would be very tempted to say that you can't afford to pay for all that and he needs to think again.

I can’t get over that he stipulated “with a meal and drinks included”!

Haha what a chancer! If he wants lavish presents then he needs to set the standard. And tell him you want your Christmas present!