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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with these parents?

44 replies

yunnanes · 08/08/2021 22:01

DD is 14, her friends are 15, she had a sleepover yesterday at her friends house and another girl was there.

She came home earlier, and told me it was ‘boring’ as the two girls were flirting with a boy and they left her out of conversations etc. She then told me that the boy was having the sleep over with them which I didn't know about, though itd just be DD and her two friends.

Aibu to be annoyed with the girls parents?

OP posts:
Original poster
yunnanes · 08/08/2021 22:22

.

OP posts:
spongedod · 08/08/2021 22:23

I would be more annoyed with your DD.

Freddiefox · 08/08/2021 22:30

Did your dd know there would be a boy there?

Original poster
yunnanes · 08/08/2021 22:42

No, DD didn't know the boy was going to be there.

OP posts:
spongedod · 08/08/2021 22:49

She should have told you as soon as she did. I would be annoyed at mine for that tbh. And the friend for arranging someone else along. Not probably not the mum. At that age they work it out themselves. I never had any contact with parents when mine went to sleepovers at 14/15.

DancingBabyGoat · 08/08/2021 23:09

I wouldn’t be annoyed with the parents. At that age they organise it all themselves. You need to teach your DD that she needs to contact you if she’s not happy about something.

I’d have no problem with my dd’s having mixed sleepovers as they are in mixed friendship groups.

Summerfun54321 · 08/08/2021 23:17

Sleepovers for teenagers are a terrible idea. Anyone who thinks they won’t involve boys and alcohol etc at some point is naive. Sorry OP, but if you want your DD to follow your rules and be safe, she should sleep at home.

Tiana4 · 08/08/2021 23:24

Yanbu to feel cross at the girls parents if you were told it was a sleepover but not that boys were sleeping over too

I expect the DCs arranged it, teens usually do. It is great your DD is able to talk to you about it making her uncomfortable. I wouldn't agree sleepovers at this girls house again as you know her parents have different parenting rules to you

My 17 yo DD is allowed mixed sleep overs after parties . I have no illusions that I have to police a bit of it . I know everyone's age and who is staying and where. Not ok for underage 14 & 15 year olds

phishy · 08/08/2021 23:29

@spongedod

I would be more annoyed with your DD.
Why? She has been honest with her mum.
spongedod · 08/08/2021 23:48

Why? She has been honest with her mum.

Because she didn't tell last night. Trust is important and freedom comes with the demonstration of said trust.

Tiana4 · 08/08/2021 23:53

I wouldn't be upset with DD as she didn't expect a boy to be there sleeping over. She'd arranged a sleepover with her friend (girl)

One thing you learn as a parents of teenagers is you need to equip them to deal with things , work out when they are uncomfortable, calm you or they need to and /or talk to you so they can plan what to do next time if need be and celebrate that they share things with you.

So no I don't agree with PPs that say be cross with DD. Be glad you have a 14 yo daughter that talks to you and came home early, and tells you what made her feel uncomfortable. That's a parenting win ! GrinDaffodil

Tiana4 · 08/08/2021 23:54

*call you if they need to not calm you
Sorry stupid phone!

Tiana4 · 08/08/2021 23:55

OPs post has been quite clear that she feels frustrated with the parents having an underaged mixed sleepover without saying , not her honest daughter

50ShadesOfCatholic · 09/08/2021 00:25

I'd be annoyed. I let parents know who will be in the house. If you know the stats on sexual abuse occurring at "friends' houses", I think you'd understand.

phishy · 09/08/2021 00:27

@spongedod

Why? She has been honest with her mum.

Because she didn't tell last night. Trust is important and freedom comes with the demonstration of said trust.

She was at the sleepover, what was she supposed to do, call her mum and say come get me?
spongedod · 09/08/2021 00:40

She was at the sleepover, what was she supposed to do, call her mum and say come get me?

If she was uncomfortable then yes, that's absolutely what she could have done. What I was meaning though, was that she should have been honest about the situation she was in. It's as simple as that.

FortVictoria · 09/08/2021 00:44

She was honest about the situation she was in.

UserNameNameNameUser · 09/08/2021 00:47

We’ve agreed a safe word with DC for situations like that. They can call or text “how is the cat” and we will “tell them” there has been a minor emergency and we need to bring them home straight away. “Sorry to spoil their fun” etc. That way they get to come home from uncomfortable situations but still save face with friends.

spongedod · 09/08/2021 00:59

@FortVictoria

She was honest about the situation she was in.

No. She was honest about the situation she had been in. There is a huge difference.

ImMrNimbus · 09/08/2021 01:02

When I was 15, my mother wasn't always about for sleepovers or might go to bed or be out for a night out and be oblivious to what we were doing. Kids could have easily invited the boys over without telling the mum. I'd be annoyed with the other girls.

BizzyIzzyfruitpie · 09/08/2021 01:03

No you’re not unreasonable. I’d be really annoyed.

Totally disagreee with PP saying all teenage sleepovers will involve boys or booze. They definitely do not. I have two young teens and two older who were once teens. I’m definitely not naive either!

ImMrNimbus · 09/08/2021 01:08

@Summerfun54321

Sleepovers for teenagers are a terrible idea. Anyone who thinks they won’t involve boys and alcohol etc at some point is naive. Sorry OP, but if you want your DD to follow your rules and be safe, she should sleep at home.
You honestly think teenage kids should never have sleepovers?

Isn't talking to boys and trying out drinking alcohol something that all teenagers are eventually going to get involved in doing? By age 15 or 16 for most teens probably. It's more important to teach your kids how to behave responsibly even around situations like relationships and alcohol, and allow them the space to open up to you about what they're doing than to forbid them from everything that could be dangerous and have them do it anyway but behind your back.

I don't have kids yet. But when I was younger my Mum would much rather us drink WKD Blue and trying cider in the safety in her house than out in some park somewhere.

ImMrNimbus · 09/08/2021 01:09

Okay, correction, not "all" teenagers but probably the majority.

ineedaholidaynow · 09/08/2021 01:11

DS’s senior school regularly remind parents that mixed sleepovers are a really bad idea

XelaM · 09/08/2021 01:22

Definitely inappropriate! The parents should know who is sleeping in their house and should have told you