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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenage train travel

48 replies

Rosegoldfan · 08/08/2021 19:55

We live in Newcastle and my daughters sisters live in Plymouth. She was due to see them next week with her Dad but he now can't go ( whole other thtead). My daughters sisters 18 and 21 theysaid they still want her to go. Dd is 13.
Their Mother has said it is fine for dd to stay.

Now they suggested the train but it is such a long way. It's 7 hours. It is direct and not through London. My dd says she will be fine. I think its too young. My parents are also saying she is too young.

I may have to drive her down but its 400 miless one way.

I am not unreasonable saying its too far at age 13?

So cross at my ex but again another thread for that.

OP posts:
Pickledonionsfortea · 08/08/2021 20:07

My 12 year old son went on a direct 3 hour train journey, but we got him in first class and had someone the other end to meet him.
Our main concerns were whether he could cope if the unexpected happened, eg the train broke down, or he had to get off and change to another train. We drilled him well in advance about what to do, who to approach for help etc.

However in your case I would be concerned that a break down on such a long journey would mean being stuck overnight.
I also would be more wary about allowing a daughter to travel for such a long journey - a lot of sexual harassment ( when I was younger) was when I was travelling alone.

Pickledonionsfortea · 08/08/2021 20:08

So YANBU!

Hollyhead · 08/08/2021 20:09

Could you drive her some of the way and she picks up a train for the other half the journey?

romdowa · 08/08/2021 20:09

Could one of the sisters drive and meet you half way? 7 hours alone on a train at 13 is a bit much.

spongedod · 08/08/2021 20:12

I would have happily don't that journey at 13. I was a seasoned public transport traveler both with family and alone by then though. Does your DD have much experience of travelling about? If there are any problems on the way and the trains is stopped or deboarded does she know how to cope?

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 08/08/2021 20:12

In my opinion it depends on how mature she is, and how often she uses the train alone, if at all. I live just over 200 miles from my granddaughter who is 15, she's been itching to come up by train to stay with me, but I'm reluctant, due to the fact that she will have to change trains, and isn't very confident with train travel anyway. However, if your daughter is used to going on the train alone, and is fairly streetwise, I might let her, although I would be concerned as to how well she'd cope if there was a problem on the track and passengers had to change trains or continue the journey by coach, which does happen a lot where we are, another reason I'm reluctant to encourage my granddaughter to undertake the journey.

Hilda40 · 08/08/2021 20:12

It'll be fine a lovely adventure.

Duchess379 · 08/08/2021 20:13

That's a no from me! She's too young to be on a 7hr train journey! Supposing the train broke down, or delays? And not to mention weirdos on the train as well. I had to travel from West Sussex to London for work which was 2hrs a day & that was bad enough. Your ex is a ar5e!

Couldhavebeenme2 · 08/08/2021 20:14

Mine have been half that distance from 12 & 15 on a direct train, but they were together.

My concerns were around ensuring nobody nicked their case, second time they went they took separate bags so could keep them overhead and take to the loo etc.

My dd would have been OK at 13 on her own, you need to assess how confident and capable yours is.

Pros - it's a direct train, can't get lost, can reserve seats with electric points for charging phones, packed lunch, can video call and usually can track the train journey on the booking app (I think trainline does this), you can physically put her on the train, huge confidence builder etc.

Cons - 7 hours/300 miles is a long ass journey, you WILL worry, a lot. Make a plan B for if the train has to stop for any reason (we made sure the kids knew to ask staff if there were any problems), and would stepmum be OK to collect her from halfway onwards if there was a problem?

DogsSausages · 08/08/2021 20:15

Could she fly instead, Newcastle to Plymouth is just an hour and the crew will look after her.

dft6432 · 08/08/2021 20:21

I'd say yes. But I'm probably biased as I let my kids take the tube from 10 (appreciate this is not on the scale of her journey). If she has a phone and a battery pack/charger, I can't see a big problem. She can always call you for advice if there's a delay or whatever. Provided they had enough food, my teenagers would no doubt be glued to their phones and barely notice the length of journey.

DogsSausages · 08/08/2021 20:27

It looked like the flight would be Newcastle to exeter and then a train to Plymouth unless they could pick her up. It would be a lot quicker and quite exciting, if she were to go on the train I would try and be first class.

Original poster
Rosegoldfan · 08/08/2021 20:29

Thanks all. Her sisters don't drive so they can't meet me halfway. I would worry about harrasment as she looks about 16. Also I think she would panic if there was a train problem. I have myself when younger. So guess thats an issue.

I have thought about driving to Bristol and put her on there.

Her sisters mum. ( another ex) would meet her at the end. Its my ex that has fallen out with the older sister and their mother as they were going to stay in their seaside apartment for a week but he has been rude to them both.(standard) so is currently not going.

There is a chance they make up again.Hmm

OP posts:
Suprima · 08/08/2021 20:29

YABU

Stick her on the train
Find Friends/Share location on WhatsApp
Put her on the train
iPad full of movies and a bag of snacks
Check in with her every hour via text/hushed Facetime
You can follow her journey to remind her when to get off the train
Sisters waiting at the other end

If she was changing and it was a complex journey I would agree with you, but it isn’t…

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2021 20:30

If she's sensible and has a mobile phone I'd let her go.

Actually I'd probably pop a very cheap PAYG phone in her bag, in case her own phone runs out of battery.

I'd be more worried if it wasn't a straight through and she had to make connections etc.

PurpleSproutingSomething · 08/08/2021 20:34

I'm in two minds, as the mum of a DS 12 I would say no, but I know at 13 I would have loved this!

Try giving passenger assist a call, I used them recently when I used a wheelchair whilst travelling and they were really friendly and very helpful. The train staff were amazing.
www.nationalrail.co.uk/stations_destinations/passenger-assist.aspx

sweeneytoddsrazor · 08/08/2021 20:35

I would be checking very carefully if it is direct at the moment. There is a lot of track upgrade going on which is resulting in bus replacement services for some parts of journeys

lljkk · 08/08/2021 20:39

I imagine I'm the most lax parent on MN about risk & even I am baulking at this. Not comfortable with it.

Could each of the sisters accompany her half way? Meet her for the last 4 hours/accompany her for the first 4 hours on return? OP to pay for their fares.

I think that might be ok with me.

Original poster
Rosegoldfan · 08/08/2021 20:47

@lljkk

I imagine I'm the most lax parent on MN about risk & even I am baulking at this. Not comfortable with it.

Could each of the sisters accompany her half way? Meet her for the last 4 hours/accompany her for the first 4 hours on return? OP to pay for their fares.

I think that might be ok with me.

Possibly. Their Dad should pay , though he wont, he is the one causing the trouble. Ranting at everyone.

My Dad has offered to drive her, bless him. I won't let him though.

Suggested a Devon break to my boyfriend but he said why should we spend hundreds because of that idiot. True but it may be a nice getaway.

OP posts:
Tiana4 · 08/08/2021 20:50

My teenage DC go on trains including up to London.
But at she 13 is too young for a journey that far alone for all the reasons you've already identified

Mine went together with older one being 17 into London which is an hour. My rule is once they are 15,16 , 17 sure if they can show me route and talk it all through. But I'd expect her to be 17 or a very sensible streetwise capable 16 year old, or above to do a journey one side of country to another.

Of course your 18 & 21 yo will say but muuuum it's ok, as they're not a parent!! Siblings Hmm are not the best judges

I would not send her on this train journey. Nor would I drive it.

SoddingWeddings · 08/08/2021 20:56

Tbh by the time you've driven to Bristol and through the city to the train station, you're about another hour or so to Plymouth!

If you'd have had a break away anyway, why not down that way?

Original poster
Rosegoldfan · 08/08/2021 21:03

I would not send her on this train journey. Nor would I drive it.

Its just sad as she hasn't seen them both for ages and she was looking forward to a seaside apartment with a pool after a crap year.
Ugh petulant exes!

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosegoldfan · 08/08/2021 21:04

@SoddingWeddings

Tbh by the time you've driven to Bristol and through the city to the train station, you're about another hour or so to Plymouth!

If you'd have had a break away anyway, why not down that way?

Very true.
OP posts:
LIZS · 08/08/2021 21:08

Could her sisters meet her part way and you go part way?

Original poster
Rosegoldfan · 08/08/2021 21:11

@LIZS

Could her sisters meet her part way and you go part way?
Possibly but it starts to become really expensive.
OP posts: