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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Charging rent to 18 year old DD

51 replies

vdbfamily · 08/08/2021 18:13

AIBU to ask 18 year old DD for some money towards her board and keep when she had opted for a year out before university and got herself a full time job working in a nearby care home. For context, she worked some shifts around her A levels and used to earn up to £800 a month and we did not charge as she was in full time education, but now she is not studying. If IANBU, what would you charge? Currently she pays nothing, not even phone contract.

OP posts:
Washyourtoes · 08/08/2021 18:16

I think that sounds reasonable. Though I am assuming she is taking a year out to save up money for uni? In which case I would keep it at a nominal amount.

MauveMagnolia · 08/08/2021 18:16

I didn't charge mine anything (pre and post uni)
The extra cost is minimal and it allowed them to save for house deposits.

I did expect them to do own washing (and include anything dirty in the tub), dishwasher, cook their fair share of meals, mow the lawn, help with communal cleaning etc etc

So much more a houseshare type arrangement than a parent doing everything.

Zzzzfthg · 08/08/2021 18:16

When I got my first full time job, I paid £200 a month and this was 15 years ago! It was the most out of all my friends at the time but definitely don't think you're BU to ask for rent.

LimeSodaTwist · 08/08/2021 18:17

She should definitely pay her phone contract!

If she’s saving for university I don’t think I’d charge her much, unless you desperately need the money. Possibly a contribution towards her food, or anything she specifically costs you on top of what you’d be paying anyway.

nancydroo · 08/08/2021 18:21

If the money would be helpful to you do it definitely.
If you don't need the money charge her rent but secretly put it away for her for when she needs it.
Either way it would get used to her paying out
Ideal world that's what I would do

Mindymomo · 08/08/2021 18:22

Yes, you should start. My 2 DS’s don’t pay anything, although one pays for lots of things, like takeaways, theatre visits and all our holidays. I wish I had started charging keep early on.

CoolCatTaco · 08/08/2021 18:23

If she's saving for uni then I think you would be massively out of order unless you're struggling.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/08/2021 18:27

I wouldn’t charge her anything.

lannistunut · 08/08/2021 18:33

I would charge her 'board', but just to cover her food and bills.

At 18 and working, it isn't right for you to sub her, but neither should you make a profit if she's saving for uni.

ChequerBoard · 08/08/2021 18:33

I wouldn't do this unless I was on the bones of my arse and needed the money to make ends meet.

LatentPhase · 08/08/2021 18:35

My dd is 18 & having a year out and I’m charging her for keep, expecting her to contribute (time-wise) to housework and cooking and shopping. She also pays for her phone contract and (fancy) toiletries. And petrol. Plus contribution to car insurance.

VladmirsPoutine · 08/08/2021 18:37

I wouldn't charge her anything. My parents never charged me anything but going by some of the threads on here it's a reasonable request.

keiratwiceknightly · 08/08/2021 18:38

I'm taking 25% of daughter's earnings during her gap year. We have paid for all driving lessons, given her a car and paid for insurance.... she's not out of pocket! It encourages her to think about budgeting a little bit too - good experience.

I'll save it for her in a separate account - she can have it back at some future point. She doesn't know this bit.

LtDansleg · 08/08/2021 18:38

I wouldn’t charge her rent. She should be paying her own phone contract tho

overnightangel · 08/08/2021 18:40

If she’s saving for uni I wouldn’t charge her anything for food and board

Lucyccfc68 · 08/08/2021 18:44

Earning, budgeting and paying rent/bills etc is a life skill that all young people have to learn. I’m sure no one wants to raise a child/young adult who has no idea about money and ends up entitled or as a ‘cocklodger’ (plenty of moaning about cocklodgers on here).

All young people who are working and living with parents really should be paying their phone contract, travel costs and some board.

My son was 14 when he started his first part time job and he needed driving to it, so he paid me £5 a fortnight for his lifts. I don’t need the money but he needs to know that nothing comes free. He will be charged board when he starts work full time.

Original poster
vdbfamily · 08/08/2021 18:45

Okay... possible drop feed here. We do not need the money but she finds out impossible to save. So far her money had gone on hair, nails, clothes, lip fillers, meals/drink with friends etc. Our plan would be like an enforced savings plan to then have money for driving lessons, car, uni costs, etc. We would not keep any of it for us. I am saying that whilst we plan to save the money to help her we will decide when to give it to her but she can also ask if needed .She thinks if we do that then she can dictate what it is then used for.

OP posts:
AllTheSingleLadiess · 08/08/2021 18:46

I don't charge my 18yo for food and board but she pays some of her personal expenses eg petrol and phone
She does her washing and keeps her room and bathroom tidy plus I know she saves a percentage of her wage for uni so she'll be able to buy a good laptop and stuff for her room out of her money.

MauveMagnolia · 08/08/2021 18:46

@keiratwiceknightly

I'm taking 25% of daughter's earnings during her gap year. We have paid for all driving lessons, given her a car and paid for insurance.... she's not out of pocket! It encourages her to think about budgeting a little bit too - good experience.

I'll save it for her in a separate account - she can have it back at some future point. She doesn't know this bit.

That isnt an efficient way to do it She would be much better putting the amount in an ISA for future house buying/pension

You can use a Lifetime ISA (Individual Savings Account) to buy your first home or save for later life. You must be 18 or over but under 40 to open a Lifetime ISA.

You can put in up to £4,000 each year, until you’re 50. You must make your first payment into your ISA before you’re 40.

The government will add a 25% bonus to your savings, up to a maximum of £1,000 per year.

AlexaShutUp · 08/08/2021 18:46

If you can't afford to have her living at home without some contribution, then I think it's fair enough to ask. I wouldn't otherwise.

maddiemookins16mum · 08/08/2021 18:48

Yep, there are some people on here who are quite happy for their ADULT children to pay nothing and have more disposable income each both than both their parents. You would be doing her no favours not having her contribute to the home. I’d also be stopping the phone contract, she’s 18 not 13.

Sparklfairy · 08/08/2021 18:50

Lip fillers at 18 Sad

Floralnomad · 08/08/2021 18:51

I would be getting her to pay her own way a bit more ie phone contract etc and insisting that a large proportion was put in savings unless you actually need the money .

Original poster
vdbfamily · 08/08/2021 18:59

Sparklfairy ☹️🙁😢😭
18 year old with own money and lack of impulse control!

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 08/08/2021 19:00

Never charged my kids board before of after Uni - but it they got lip fillers I'd definitely charge them, to stop them doing it 😃