Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Charging rent to 18 year old DD

51 replies

vdbfamily · 08/08/2021 18:13

AIBU to ask 18 year old DD for some money towards her board and keep when she had opted for a year out before university and got herself a full time job working in a nearby care home. For context, she worked some shifts around her A levels and used to earn up to £800 a month and we did not charge as she was in full time education, but now she is not studying. If IANBU, what would you charge? Currently she pays nothing, not even phone contract.

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 08/08/2021 19:18

@vdbfamily sorry I hope that didn't come across as judgy! Flowers

Jerseygirl12 · 08/08/2021 19:21

My DS earns about 1k a month and he pays are £110, we buy him some of his energy drinks and ciders and if he wants more he buys them himself.

dopeyduck · 08/08/2021 19:41

My mum charged me rent & then returned it to me when I moved out to get my own place. She hadn't said she would save it, it was her rainy day fund but when she hadn't needed it, it was a welcome gift to get me on my feet.

ActonSquirrel · 08/08/2021 19:45

Lip fillers at 18?! 🤦🏼‍♀️

I'd stop paying her phone bill etc. She has money for lip fillers she can pay her own bills

Bloballbovish · 08/08/2021 19:46

We charged the DSCs from leaving compulsory education. They pay £200 a month. We needed them to pay as we couldn't afford to sub them - especially when at times all of them have been living at home, three extra adults with big appetites aren't cheap to feed!

I'm glad we set the precedent young because one left quite early, one is back and forth and one is still here, 5 years on, with no interest in moving out. It's easier to just start a nominal charge straight away so that they know once they're adults they have to contribute. The amount can be varied depending on their and your circumstances.

GameSetMatch · 08/08/2021 19:48

How about £30 a week so £120 a month?

lanthanum · 08/08/2021 19:50

I wouldn't want a sixth-form age child to get used to functioning on £800 a month disposable income; they're going to find it very difficult when they start to need to pay rent, buy groceries and pay for their own phone.

If now working full-time, then yes, contribute to household expenses. You can put the money in the uni-subsidy fund or future house-deposit fund if not needed. It might be different if she was already putting money into savings, but she isn't.

I contributed when I had a summer job - it was perhaps easier in my case, as we were a low-income household, and something needed to make up for child benefit ending.

Quietcrown · 08/08/2021 19:53

Work with her to budget a realistic amount to save for uni and put it in a separate bank account. Do a direct debit just after payday so the money isn't just sitting there in her account. As long as she was saving a good amount I wouldn't charge rent. Get her paying for her own phone though.

If she is terrible at budgeting use this year to help her learn or you are going to be constantly giving her money through uni.

Maybe send her out to do the shopping and things sometimes so she starts to appreciate how much food costs etc

Duchess379 · 08/08/2021 19:55

I was paying rent when i started working full time at 18yrs. Definitely not an unreasonable request. Why are you paying her phone bill??

Livingmybestlifenow · 09/08/2021 14:58

I’d maybe allow her the last ‘summer holiday” then charge rent from the end of Sept when she would be starting uni if not for the gap year.
Stop paying for her phone/toiletries etc. now.
Will she get a full maintenance loan when she goes to uni? If not there’s a shortfall of up to 4K per year to make up so I’d take perhaps 20% of her take home as rent and save it for her, if you don’t need it to run the household.

Mary46 · 09/08/2021 16:16

Hi I dont take money off him here. 19. His insurance was high for the car. Buys own food. Phone same. But its whatever works for you I think.

Bellarime · 09/08/2021 16:17

When mine starts an apprenticeship next month I’m not charging him anything but he’ll be paying for his own phone contract when it renews in December, plus his petrol and car upkeep

Waxonwaxoff0 · 09/08/2021 16:19

I'm not sure that just charging rent is going to help her learn how to save though.

Ihavehadenoughalready · 09/08/2021 16:26

Might a better alternative be for her to put an agreed-upon percentage of the money in savings for when she does go to university?

Or she could give you the money to keep, then if and when she does go to school again, she can have it back?

My plan is to charge room and board for any children who opt not to go to school yet stay home, as an incentive for them to find a good job/so they will move out!

Ihavehadenoughalready · 09/08/2021 16:36

Sorry didn't see the drip feed part. I do think you should charge her for phone bill, etc. since she has plenty to waste on hair, nails, etc.

I also like a pp suggestion that she open an ISA.

I'm currently trying to convince DD19 to open a Roth IRA (American version of ISA, I think.) from her earned income so she can get a start on her retirement fund.

DD17 spends like yours, but no lip filler. 😌

gogohm · 09/08/2021 16:45

I didn't charge dd on condition she saved 75% of her earnings, she did and paid for university from them (topping up her loan)

Howshouldibehave · 09/08/2021 16:48

I was about to say no, until I saw the bit about lip fillers. Yes, I’d charge, I’m the hope that she wouldn’t be able to afford that any more.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 09/08/2021 16:52

@nancydroo

If the money would be helpful to you do it definitely. If you don't need the money charge her rent but secretly put it away for her for when she needs it. Either way it would get used to her paying out Ideal world that's what I would do
Yes agree with this. Hopefully will introduce them to budgeting, which they will need to do at Uni in any case.
SoniaD · 09/08/2021 16:57

No, I wouldn't charge if it's just a year to be home and save up for Uni. If she doesn't end up going then I would start charging. (Unless you are that desperate that you need your child to pay your bills).

Plumtree391 · 09/08/2021 17:23

I wouldn't as she is going to university after a year and will need every penny she can scrape together. I would expect her to pay for her personal bits and pieces and do things for herself but not to pay rent or keep. A bit of food doesn't cost much more for one and you have been giving her that so far.

However if you need the money, that is a different matter.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 09/08/2021 17:31

I definitely would not if she is going off to uni. Unless there is a back story and she is squandering it all. But if she is spending reasonably and putting some by for uni then I’d let her carry on flung that. Obviously if you really the money that is different. But you have not said you do.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 09/08/2021 17:32

Doing that. Not “flung”!

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 09/08/2021 17:33

Ah. Sorry. Just seen update. I’d definitely take some money as “rent” and save it for her.

Plumtree391 · 09/08/2021 18:30

I see you intend to save some for your daughter, op, and that she is currently a spendthrift (why does a young girl need lip fillers for goodness sake?).

In that case, take a bit and save it for her.

Ludoole · 09/08/2021 18:35

My 18 year old earns the same wage as both me and my 21 year old. They used to both give me £50 a week and pay for their own phone contracts, but upped it to £70 a week a few weeks ago off their own backs as they said even then they were quids in.

Swipe left for the next trending thread