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Original poster

Would you tell his ex that he isn't looking after his child properly?

51 replies

empress0 · 08/08/2021 14:19

I'm new here and don't have children myself but I need some opinions, as I'm not sure if I should get involved or not.

I'm in a very new relationship with someone and he's got an almost 1yo with his ex, they split up before their son was born though, and we've only been in a relationship for about 3 months. Yesterday, I went to his and he had his son, i didn't know this as he didn't tell me previously.

His son wouldn't drink his bottle so he put him in his cot, he then started crying, but boyfriend said he'd stop soon, he didn't so I told him to go to him, which he didn't seem happy about, he then gave him to me and told me to ‘sort him out then’ and just went out.

I did manage to calm him down and he was asleep when boyfriend got back and apologised.

Should I tell his ex?

OP posts:
DonLewis · 08/08/2021 14:20

Yep, and leave this relationship. What a horrible, horrible man.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 08/08/2021 14:21

What do you think he did wrong exactly? How long did he leave him to cry for?

Original poster
empress0 · 08/08/2021 14:39

What do you think he did wrong exactly?

Not looking after his child, like I said in my OP

OP posts:
nancydroo · 08/08/2021 14:40

Hm.
He's nearly one and wouldn't have his bottle?
Surely he would be on solids?

NatMoz · 08/08/2021 14:48

He didn't tell you he had a child????

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/08/2021 14:48

No I wouldn't tell the ex. Unless that's a pattern and he just dumps him in his cot a lot of the time and leaves him to cry then it doesn't sound awful, on it's own. I think we need a lot more context to determine if he is not looking after him properly. Eg was it night time and that is his routine (put him in the cot and leave him to settle himself). How long is he left in the cot by himself? Up to 10 min to self settle is fine, hours by himself when he is distressed is clearly not. Was it just a reaction to you telling him how to parent his own child and it was you he was angry at and leaving, not the baby?

nimbuscloud · 08/08/2021 14:57

I would tell her. You say it’s a very new relationship, he dumps his baby on you and goes out. She needs to know.

TimeForTeaAndG · 08/08/2021 15:00

Tell the ex factually what happened, how log did the baby cry for etc. Then dump the guy. You're not the mum nor the step mum, he doesn't get to hand over his responsibility to you and tell you to deal with it.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 08/08/2021 15:01

I dont think leaving him in his cot to self settle means he isnt looking after his child. Is he leaving him for ages? A bit of time to fuss and try to self settle is fine. I think we need more context to decide if he isnt looking after his child

RedHelenB · 08/08/2021 15:01

Baby was cared for. But I would end the relationship because he obviously has no regard for you leaving you literally holding the baby!

namechange30455 · 08/08/2021 15:01

@NatMoz

He didn't tell you he had a child????
I think the OP means she didn't know the child was going to be at her DP's house yesterday, not that she didn't know he had a kid at all!
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 08/08/2021 15:03

he then gave him to me and told me to ‘sort him out then’ and just went out

I agree that this is crap though. Id tell her this if you're going to tell her anything.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 08/08/2021 15:05

@RedHelenB

Baby was cared for. But I would end the relationship because he obviously has no regard for you leaving you literally holding the baby!
Agreed.
Unanananana · 08/08/2021 15:07

My god he sounds about 15. A teenager having a strop. Yuck!

Tell his ex factually how he treated the child. Then dump the twat.

Not sure how you could find that attractive any longer tbh. The sulking, stropping and not caring for his son.

NuffSaidSam · 08/08/2021 15:12

I would tell her. I think him losing his temper that quickly is problematic if he is regularly in sole charge of a small child.

The leaving him to cry is not necessarily a problem (depending on how long he cried for), but storming off when questioned about it is troubling imo.

NuffSaidSam · 08/08/2021 15:14

'He's nearly one and wouldn't have his bottle?
Surely he would be on solids?'

I think you'll find lots of nearly one year olds still have milk (as they should!).

Good try though Sherlock.

MrsWhites · 08/08/2021 15:17

If it was your child would you want to know that your baby was being treated in this way? I definitely would so if it were me I would tell her. I assume you are finishing the relationship anyway?

lilmishap · 08/08/2021 15:17

He really fucked off out and left his kid with a total stranger because you suggested something??

Yes I would want to know about that. Luckily you seem switched on and concerned the next new gf might not be....the next gf might also drop the kid at the nearest police station as she has no obligation at all to stay in and watch someone else's kid

What an arse

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 08/08/2021 15:21

Tell the ex then end the relationship

LolaSmiles · 08/08/2021 15:22

I'd be furious if my DC were left with a stranger because their father couldn't be arsed to parent and had a short fuse.

He has a temper, is having a new girlfriend around his child after 12 weeks, loses his temper when a 1 year old is a 1 year old, and leaves his child with a stranger because he can't be arsed. He sounds awful.

Even setting aside all the big red flags, it sounds like he might be one of those men who would be quite happy to have a woman in his life to dump his parenting responsibilities.

Tell the child's mum and run for the hills.

lilmishap · 08/08/2021 15:22

Also well done you for managing to settle a fractious One year old who's never met you before.

nancydroo · 08/08/2021 15:36

@NuffSaidSam

'He's nearly one and wouldn't have his bottle? Surely he would be on solids?'

I think you'll find lots of nearly one year olds still have milk (as they should!).

Good try though Sherlock.

Thanks and it's true what you say. OP is worried her partner is not looking after the child. There is a difference in relation to the bottle as the importance of the milk is not as significant due to the child's age. Her partner's behaviour would be worse if he gave her up giving a baby a feed of milk, crying and then leaving.
Original poster
empress0 · 08/08/2021 15:36

@NatMoz

He didn't tell you he had a child????
He told me he had a child, but didn't tell me he had him yesterday.

It was night, so he tried to give him his bottle but he wouldn't drink it. He cried for about 10-15 minutes and he seemed very upset but boyfriend didn't care.

OP posts:
RedMarauder · 08/08/2021 15:36

he then gave him to me and told me to ‘sort him out then’ and just went out.

This bit I would be concerned with and would dump him for, but the rest has no clear context.

Also telling his ex will achieve nothing as if she prevents him seeing the child he could quite easily drag her to court and the child will be forced to endure a father like that until they are big enough - so a teenage - to physically refuse to visit him.

Notimeforaname · 08/08/2021 16:09

he then gave him to me and told me to ‘sort him out then’ and just went out
This is the alarming part

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