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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Insecure about my height but I want to wear trainers.

56 replies

Famed101 · 07/08/2021 22:55

I'm 25 and 4'11. (And please before anybody starts with the whole "teeny tiny" thing on Mumsnet, I am not "bragging" about being small - I think it's such a weird concept that some people get angry about this),

I am going out for a night out Monday night with friends and I usually always wear heels but I'm getting sick of wearing heels now and I basically only wear them to substitute for my height.

I have a pair of white trainers I bought the other day and I want to wear them with a dress on Monday but for some reason I get really anxious about getting served and going to clubs when I'm not wearing heels. I know it's irrational but I get tired of the bouncers or bar staff looking at my ID, then me, then my ID and then me.

I know I'm probably just being insecure but I just want a good night out in trainers without constantly feeling self-conscious about getting served.

I think this insecurity all stems down to 2 years ago when a bar staff woman laughed at my ID and said "this is not you". I assured her it was and she kept laughing at it saying "it can't be".

She called the other staff member over who said it is me and she can tell by the eyes.

OP posts:

PearlFriday · 07/08/2021 23:26

I know what you mean, I'm a couple of inches taller but I have only recently ''accepted'' it and startet to wear trainers all the time. Some trainers have a better base than others, so even the inch from a pair of reebock trainers is better for me than a pair of superga trainers.

Fly London are good for casual shoes with a wedge base.
I've been told how ugly they are on style and beauty on mumsnet! but I like them!

Original poster

Famed101 · 07/08/2021 23:28

@PearlFriday the trainers I bought are a platform style but not an "obvious" platform and I really love them - still only about 5'1 when I wear them

OP posts:

MyNameForToday1980 · 07/08/2021 23:30

Wear what makes you comfortable. The likelihood of someone being difficult re your ID is low in real terms (and now you know to say 'check out my eyes' if they do).

I too was ID'd well into my 30s... I don't get it these days (I'm 41), and I'm always a little surprised, like 'that cashier just sold me wine without giving me a second look!'...

I once got ID'd for tea spoons in John Lewis (they had mistakenly categorised them as 'knives') that made me laugh, in a "please just sell me some spoons" kinda way.

PearlFriday · 07/08/2021 23:31

Oh yeh, that little base on the bottom helps. Some of those really flat ballet shoes that were popular a while back, I would have felt like I was falling over backwards i them!

idontlikealdi · 07/08/2021 23:40

I'm too tall, heels make me look like a giraffe and I've got a baby face so get ID'd anyway. Wear the trainers!

Notimeforaname · 07/08/2021 23:43

I remember going to a prize giving at my school in sixth form and wearing flats - one of my teachers said 'you really should wear heels, you'd look so much better'. I was outraged but it clearly sank in!

Oh jesus you just made me remember a night out when a woman came to compliment my ginger hair (how nice of her) ...and then added ''all you need now is some heels and a tan''

And for the tall people, I feel for you too. I know a few very tall men and women, I've never been out with them without someone coming to tell them they're huge and ask what height they are

Griefmonster · 07/08/2021 23:46

@Famed101 there are a few issues at play here by the sounds of things, including your own feelings about your height. I think your issue with being IDed is one you need to really change your attitude to. For people working in licensed premises they are risking a fine and more if they serve someone under age. Most decent places operate under a "challenge 25" policy where they ask for ID for anyone they suspect is under 25. The person who laughed was rude but the fact she asked for the ID was a legitimate request.

Get some recent photo ID, accept you'll be asked for it and wear whatever you bloody well like!

romdowa · 08/08/2021 03:35

I'm 5 foot 1 and haven't wore heels In about 10 years, sure I get asked for I'd and people say I look young for my age but i don't think anyone has ever been nasty and say I look 12 or anything like that. Heels hurt and ime they should be banned lol wear the trainers , be comfortable and enjoy your night

PearlFriday · 08/08/2021 07:02

Wow, teachers felt free to tell you how you needed to improve. They'd have been shocked if you returned the "favour"

NoNotYou · 08/08/2021 07:06

TBH this doesn't help does it?

I'm thinking of.maybe updating the ID picture on it as I'm 17 in it and I have blossomed since that picture

Take some responsibility eh?

HardStaringBearFromDarkestPeru · 08/08/2021 07:07

I'm 5ft & only every wear trainers or DMs. I could never get the hang of heels - I looked like a short woman lurching around in heels - very unflattering!
Yea I would love to be taller especially as 'petite' ranges seem to be for 5ft 3 & above but I'm resigned to knowing there's nothing I can do about it. My friends & family are all tall so I'm used to be the short one.
Wear your trainers - if your feet are comfy, the rest of you will look relaxed!

PearlFriday · 08/08/2021 07:09

The year of birth is what they are checking. They arent going to make any decision based on the photo when you're actually there in front of them.

So it,'s a pointless responsibility to take.

GarethBalesManBun · 08/08/2021 07:13

Wear the trainers! Don’t let other people’s ride and weird behaviour out limits on what you do.

I’m very tall and wear heels if I feel like it. It draw stares and some stupid comments, but fuck it. Their problem, not mine.

Lemonsyellow · 08/08/2021 07:14

It sounds that the photo ID problem is because you need a new up to date photo - not one from when you were 17 - and then you’ll look older.

Thack · 08/08/2021 07:21

5"1 and baby faced too.
I never made too much of an effort with heels or heavy make up. I figured this makes me look like a young person trying to look older.

If you are anxious when they check your ID and have dolled up a lot then they're less likely to believe it.

Wear trainers. The confidence will make you seem older.

I wish I'd called out more people for being rude about it. You're a customer like everyone else, ask for a manager if someone steps out of line. Manners cost nothing.

Numptywallice · 08/08/2021 08:48

I got some platformed trainers from new look. I got asked for ID when I went to buy painkillers with my daughter. I’m very early 38 and they didn’t believe my ID was me. Put me in such a bad mood.

M0rT · 08/08/2021 09:01

I'm 5'1 and wore skyscraper heels until my early 30s and joint problems forced me into low heels.
I've been embracing the runner trend since it started three years ago as the joint problems have made any type of heel painful and dangerous in terms of balance.
I also have the round faced young look and was ID'd up until mid 30s although by that point it was rare and I was delighted instead of infuriated.
Please for the younger me embrace the runners and enjoy comfort on your night out.
People can be pass remarkable regardless, it will be short/tall/skinny/fat/clothes too trendy/clothes too conservative/hair too long/short/straight/curly/too much makeup/too little makeup....you get the picture.
Wear what makes you happy and comfortable and enjoy your nights out with your friends.

Morechocmorechoc · 08/08/2021 09:01

Same height as you, I used to carry a big bag so I could walk around in comfy shoes then change into heels inside places. However, now I'm 30s and don't care which is lovely! Tall husband so it's entertaining at times! Still have to ask people to reach things in the super market. And sadly have too many wrinkles to get Iasked for Id....oh how I wish someone would ask me!!! It really doesn't matter what people think.....the only way it is a problem is if you become insecure about it....embrace it and learn some whitty responses!

spotcheck · 08/08/2021 09:28

I'm short too - my brother says " five foot fuck all" 😂

I'm so bemused by people who dance around the word 'short'. It's an observation, not a judgement.

Just go out, wear what you want, be happy.

Middersweekly · 08/08/2021 09:45

We have/ had many short women on my mum’s side of the family. My DM is 4ft11in (she was probably 5ft back in the day though but she’s shrunk a bit). I have rarely in my who lifetime seen my mum wear heels. Wear your trainers. Feel comfortable and happy! Life’s too short!

SchrodingersImmigrant · 08/08/2021 09:48

Average height of femails in UK is 5'3. You a
all at 4'11 are not short😁 I would say you are all pretty average. I would consider anything +/- 4 inches still withing average bracket so use that if someone is being stupid😁

PomegranateSeed · 08/08/2021 09:51

I’m 5’1 and the only time I’ve ever wished I was taller is if I’m in a crowd watching a band. I think I have tall person energy because people are often surprised at how little I am and don’t realise it until they are stood right next to me (people frequently say they didn’t realise I was that small).

Try not to see it as a problem (unless you are buying trousers) and wear whatever shoes you want.

AuntieMarys · 08/08/2021 09:56

Wear them! I'm at the opposite end of the scale...six feet tall....and always wear flats otherwise my neck aches from inclining my head to hear people. 😀
Plus my dh is 5 feet 7 and much as he loves me in heels, I feel strange.

Auntienumber8 · 08/08/2021 09:58

There are women in my family that are your height, it is small but none of them let it affect them. What does it really matter. Embrace comfort.

thatonehasalittlecar · 08/08/2021 10:04

Wear your trainers and think of some witty comebacks to anyone who dares interrupt your evening with their mindless comments; I’m sure the MN crowd can supply a few.

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