WIBU not to wish him happy birthday?

[Wobblelmyheadplease]

First off I will say that I know I am being a but UR and petty but I'm asking this question as I'm wondering if it might help save me more pain to do this.

Long story short, my Dad has always been emotionally distant and is now georgraphically so (200 miles away) he remarried after my mother and had stepchildren who are also now grown and live about 100 miles away.

It is a milestone birthday for him on Tuesday. I became aware (through facebook) that he has a party planned to which the stepkids are invited, but he has made no mention of this to me.

I guess I felt hurt, but then there are more of them, they are nearer and there will be no room for me to stay with him if they do. He lives in a holiday destination so I could have gone with the DC for a holiday and attended the party, but wasn't invited so I've said nothing about it.

Anyway, I sent him a card and present last week which arrived today (his birthday not til Tuesday). He sent me a one line whatsapp thanks for the gift and a comment on the picture on the card so he has obviously opened them.

It is also my birthday today so I replied no problem and look what the DC got me for my birthday. He replied happy birthday, when was it? I said today and replied with something chatty. He's read it but not responded at all.

Despite being left out of the party and him not knowing when my birthday (despite being days before his) the thing I am most hurt about is him opening my present and card today - three days before the big day when I know everyone else will be sitting with him to open cards and presents.

I feel completely sidelined and like I'm not part of this day, he didn't even want to be looking at the card and present on the day in front of I guess the people he considers his 'real' family.

WIBU to not bother messaging him or calling him on the day now? I feel I've sent my felicitations, he's deliberately chosen to keep them separate from the day and doesn't want me involved at all, so just ignpore him until....well, I doubt I'll hear from him again if I don't get in touch, that's usually how it goes.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

When was the last time you saw him? Would it be possible for you to see him soon? Then you would know if there was a deterioration in his health

My dad arranged a big slap up hotel away stay for his wife and her kids

We got offered a chain Italian for a crappy lunch

He insisted on her being invited too

Told him on the day that I wouldn’t make it

Didn’t speak to him for a few years

Gave him another chance, he blew it.
He’s not interested

I have no family, DM was already NC for her own cruelty towards me and ds

Sis too.

Cut them off love, it’s sad, but it’s a lot better than expecting and hoping for them to ever change and give a shit about you, cos they don’t.

I found a really good therapist helped me loads

You are not alone OP, sadly.
Happy birthday to you! Enjoy your cards, presents and prosecco.
They did exclude you, and your brother. Easy enough to send an invitation. It is your decision if you can make it or not.
It wiuld be forgetfulness if it was only the once, but had to take your DOB written in a paper? And not active on contacting his own children? Rubbish. Actually, the DOB on paper is shocking! Who would not know their own children DOB!
I would not make any effort for him.

Happy Birthday, OP. 🎉🎉🎉

I can empathise. My birthday is a few days before my father's. He forgot my 21st. I knew he was crap but that just sealed the deal. His loss.
My mother is also out of my life. So I'm in a similar boat to you. Seems fairly common, on here.

Focus on your children and the family you've made.

Hope it didn't mar your day too much.

Oh it's so hard isn't it! I hope you make peace with whatever you decide, if you keep contacting your Dad or not. Xx

I know he doesn't give that much of a shit about me but I'm not certain some of it isn't forgetfulness.

OP you're trying to minimise his behaviour, and the resultant hurt he's caused you. Please try to accept some of your new found recognition that he's written you out of his life. That may (I stress may) be because it doesn't sound like he and your mum had a great relationship and perhaps he's decided to write that part of his life out of his memory. But that's not you fault. His new family obviously don't try to include you, and they've picked that up from somewhere.

Please don't feel humiliated - don't give him that power over you. Leave him to it and build your own life, without him in it. I know it hurts, he's your dad, but he isn't going to change no matter what you do. All the cards and presents in the world aren't going to turn him into the dad you want him to be. Talking to a professional counsellor would help you resolve your feelings around him and be able to let go, or at least reduce the intensity of those feelings.