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At what age would you say a someone becomes an adult

137 replies

Availablemilkdotcom · 07/08/2021 14:52

Just that really. I know 18 is the legal age but it seems that attitudes have shifted a lot in recent years with regards to what is age appropriate and when so I wondered what age in your opinion you become an adult and why?

OP posts:
SisterMonicaJoansHabit · 07/08/2021 23:17

@ChainJane

I'd say once you have are over 25 and have completed one of the following:
  • held down a job for long enough to save up for a deposit and bought your own home
  • had children and been married for ten years
  • reach retirement age

It's different for different people, there is not an arbitrary age where you suddenly become an adult.

Oh wow. I've never reached adulthood. Have two kids by different fathers, one I was married to but separated from a few months later, I have a mortgage because my partner works and my parents gifted us the deposit, I've never been with anyone ten years, and I'm 40 next year.

Heck.

Twoforthree · 07/08/2021 23:45

Leaving uni, getting a job and living independently, made me grow up and feel “adult”.

RampantIvy · 08/08/2021 08:03

You technically become an adult at 16

What do you mean by "technically"?

In the UK you legally (technically?) become an adult at 18. Being able to get married or join the army doesn't make you an adult.

brokenbiscuitsx · 08/08/2021 08:31

Although I always find it funny that you can drive a car and have sex before you’re 18. So you aren’t adult enough to legally drink, can’t legally marry without parental consent but can drive a car and have sex… ok…

Badbadbunny · 08/08/2021 08:39

@BuffySummersReportingforSanity

Eighteen.

I think the increasing infantilisation of older teens and early twenties adults has done them no favours.

I agree. 18 is the legal age of adulthood which comes from centuries of experience/wisdom as to where the draw the line.

Older teens and early 20's only act like children "because they can" - parents and society are giving them the green light to be immature.

whatisforteamum · 08/08/2021 08:44

Mid 20s.
At 18 I left home for a bit as I was so ready to go.Ended up buying a house at 22.
My dd left home at 19 and moved away,ds is 22 and I'm sure he could cope living alone.They both have low incomes really yet I taught them how to budget and get a good work ethic and there is never a bank of mum and dad.
18 is the legal definition I think in reality it is a gradual transition these days.
I do know some 30 something men that don't behave in an adult way.

Badbadbunny · 08/08/2021 08:48

I think the biggest step to maturity is when you get your first job. Even if it’s only a Saturday job it teaches a lot. The fact kids get weekend jobs much later, if they can get them, is one of the reasons they are much younger longer imo.

I fully agree. I "grew up" very quickly when I left school. I left on the Friday and started a full time job on the Monday. The job was in a professional office where most staff were mature (40+) and I was the youngest. Being thrown into an "old" environment taught me a lot about maturity, responsibility, etc. We all still had a laugh but it wasn't "childish" if that makes sense? I learned from the others simply by observation, i.e. how to speak professionally on the phone, neat/tidiness at work, how to respectfully speak to your bosses and clients, etc.

I still lived at home, but "morphed" from being a lazy, moody teen, to doing my own washing and cleaning, making my own meals, paying half my wage to parents as "rent", etc. I bought my own car (a clapped out old banger) so I wasn't reliant on parents for lifts etc.

Work was definitely the catalyst for "growing up" in all areas of life. It was almost like an "on" switch.

BasicDad · 08/08/2021 09:19

16 - 20 young adult
18 legal adult (obvs)
21+ adult

Middersweekly · 08/08/2021 09:31

I moved out at 17 with DH who was 18 at the time. DD1 came along when I was just shy of 19.
DD1 is now 18 and although she is very academically astute and about to go to university, she is still very much a child IMO. I would base it on individual common sense. DD2 is 16 with more common sense than DD1. By 18 I expect DD2 will be making many more mature decisions regarding her life than DD1. 18 is a rough estimate of reasonable maturity and probably the age where young adults start contributing to society by working.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 08/08/2021 10:11

I think it's gradual between 16-18 I think it's absurd that people treat 17yos and older like children then expect them to suddenly become competent adults

Psychonabike · 08/08/2021 10:19

Legally, it depends on the issue and the country. There are differences between Scotland and England for example.

Biologically, people seem to grow into their adult brain around 25, with a few variations. There may be some delayed maturation in ASD/ADHD brains making this 3 or 4 years later.

therocinante · 08/08/2021 12:10

I think it's a very nebulous thing to try and define. I have friends who worked full time and lived alone from 16 - their choice, not evil parents or anything, they just got onto really good training schemes at BAE, moved into rented houses, bought a few years later - and were paying their own bills, for driving lessons, generally living as 'adults'.

I moved out at 17 and had no financial or practical help from then on. Short on rent at 19? Had to work 2 jobs around uni to manage. If something went wrong - my house flooded, I got ill and ended up in hospital, etc - I dealt with it myself or with the help of my friends. I didn't see it as my parent's responsibility to help me (much as my mum I'm sure would have loved to).

My sister lives at home, has never paid rent in her life, if she needs a new car my dad finds it for her and she hands over the money, she's never taken her own car for an MOT. Doesn't cook or do her own washing. When she was stuck abroad during flights being grounded, she called my mum and my mum sorted out another hotel for her, rearranged her tickets home. She wouldn't be able to tell you what council tax costs or how to sort it if the fuse box goes and you're sat in the dark. She's 28 - while she has a job, and a car, and goes abroad by herself etc etc, she doesn't feel like a 'real' adult to me, and a lot of her friends are the same. (And in a way, fair play to them - would love someone to come and do my washing and cooking! Just...not my mum cos she'd drive me mad haha).

I think it's generally when you're financially self-sufficient, able to mostly handle unexpected life things thrown at you, and don't rely on other people for basic life admin (bills sorting, getting to/from places, arranging housing, etc). That's what I'd class as actually 'adult', regardless of the legal definition.

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