To be annoyed at this covid situation?

[geddyw]

I'm emotional and totally ready to be told I'm being unreasonable.

Dh was working away last week. Supposed to have a week off next week.

I have 2 dcs from a previous relationship- one who has underlying health conditions.

Dh has a son from a previous relationship.

Dss was supposed to be coming next week while Dh was off work.

He's already been here for one week then gone home for a week. I always look after dss in this time and always feel his mum takes advantage of me massively but I do it because dss is part of our family. She will always ask Dh to ask me if I can have him at the drop of a hat.

As usual, I was asked to have dss early so instead of him coming on Sunday, she asked if he could come on Thursday while Dh was working away.

He was dropped off and within in 10 mins told me he felt unwell. Something told me to do a lateral flow test which came back positive.

Dh then returned home early from working away after I told him the result.

He rang his ex who told Dh he would have to stay with us now for the next 10 days. Also admitted that her other dd has a 'chest infection' but hadn't tested either of them. You could hear her dd crying and coughing in the background. Dss told me she had been poorly for a few days.

This has turned our whole week into kaos.

My dd was in hospital last week with her condition which Dh ex was well aware of.

My dcs now cannot go on holiday with their dad which he had booked and been so looking forward too.

I have come to a family members to isolate to get my dd away of dss.

Aibu to think ex should have come back to collect her son? I realise we would still have to isolate but we've literally had to move out of our home to keep my dd safe. I also realise that dss is probably better off with my Dh and he is just as important as my dcs.

I feel so upset for my dcs right now. Sorry feel free to tell me I'm overreacting. I'm just taken for granted by this woman so much and I've had enough.

If it were me, I would come back for my dcs straight away if I knew there was a vulnerable child in my dcs house who is in hospital quite regularly.

She should have tested both her children before sending them away anywhere. She didn't out of selfishness.

Don't know the history, why doesn't your OH have a specific schedule? How often does he have his son during the holidays?

I feel really sorry for your children.

I’d be pissed off too. His mom should’ve kept him at home, or at least told you about the illnesses in her household so you could assess the risk fit your vulnerable child.

*for not fit

@vivainsomnia we usually have him for 2 seperate weeks plus every other weekend. But she always asks for more of me. She works....I don't as I have a sen child. So I'm just free childcare for her.

I love my step son and treat him as my own. Dh works hard to provide for my dcs too. But every summer I'm just taken for an absolute mug by her and she's really out done it this summer.

My dcs are absolutely devastated they can't go on holiday. I'm going to give them the most fun week I can.

Thank you for the responses. I get so emotional and overwhelmed. I can never figure out if my feelings are justified or not.

Like I don't want to make it sound like dss isn't as important as my dcs. But his mum is an absolute b*h

I think she’s used up all of your “goodwill” going forward. This seems deliberate and I wouldn’t be doing her any more favours.

Yes she should have got him back. Their house is already in quarantine.

Her children were both unwell and coughing and she didn’t get them tested? JFC. She’s either a complete fool or she knew exactly what she was doing.

Has dss taken a pcr test to confirm ? If it is negative can your dc not go on holiday?

You need a PCR test to confirm. Do it quickly and then name his mum as a household contact and she will have to isolate anyway.

Very irresponsible of her, and whether deliberate or not she has really landed you in it.

I know you feel used by her but your DSS is very lucky that you are caring for him in this way.

She has been spectacularly selfish.
If you’ve not already get DSS a PCR to confirm it, if it’s clear you can go away?

Have you given yourself a biscuit? That made me smile.

What a crap situation. I’m sorry it’s fucked up your plans. Covid sucks. On the plus side you sound like such a lovely caring mum and step mum.

She’s definitely taking the piss. But you do the right thing by the child by welcoming them to your house (also their house obvs) freely and without complaint at the drop of a hat. Making sure that they feel loved and welcome always. And ultimately that’s what’s important.

@geddyw

Why have you given yourself a biscuit?

You have every right to be extremely pissed off.
She’s either been rather thick Or rather selfish.
I’d be utterly fuming.

@YelloYelloYello no that's my youngest ds playing on my phone....If it were up to me, I would of given myself a gin

From now on refuse to have them unless DH is there. See how she likes that. She sounds utterly awful Totally selfish.

He's going for a PCR test this morning. He's done 2 lateral flow tests and now has a temperature so I can't see it coming back negative

I also know for a fact she won't self isolate. Apparently her dd is negative on a lateral flow so they are free to carry on as normal.

I could just cry but I don't have the energy. I know it's not the end of the world and I'm honestly glad to be out of the house to get some thinking space.

I just get the overwhelming feeling that if I ever say no to having dss then it looks like I don't care for him. Which I do massively but I'm fed up of her treating me like this.

Dss shouldn't even be here now. He was due to come on Sunday to next Sunday which was the plan. Yet she constantly asks for extra and I constantly say yes as I'm too bloody soft and really have no reason to say no as I'm at home with my dcs anyway.

Eurgh....I'm just going to cuddle my dcs for the rest of the day and make up a super cool dance with my dd.

@DancesWithTortoises I want to do this but then I don't want dss to think I don't care for him. And I dont want Dh to think this either

She also had the cheek to suggest we get tested as she heard my dd coughing....

My dd is coughing because she was extremely poorly in hospital last week and you've just brought covid into my house!!!

Can’t you send him back to her, so a PCR and then go on holiday?

@KhalliWhalli she won't have him back. She said Dh was supposed to be off this week anyway and with her dd testing negative then he needs to self isolate in our home.

Obviously ringing constantly to check he's being properly cared for....'drink plenty of fluids my darling'

Another reason why I had to leave, cannot stand her voice at the moment

What a bitch! I feel really sorry for you and your DSS, as she really is taking the piss. However, all credit to you for giving this little lad the love that his own mother should be giving him. I'm so sorry that your holiday with the children has been spoiled. Sending you and for being such a great Mum and Step Mum.

She shouldn’t have sent him in the first place if he was ill.

But there is no reason his dad can’t look after him now as he is there. Better than making unnecessary trips anyway. It’s a far from ideal situation but it sounds very much as if staying with Dad is best for him

@Sirzy Dh will look after him better than his mother will and I know that's just as important.

I know the situation we are in is the best as dss will get proper care and I can look after my own dcs away from dss.

It's just frustrating that dss isn't even supposed to be here yet and I've let it happen yet again.

I feel there is no win. If I say no to having dss then it will more than likely upset him and I'll be the wicked step mother. But if I carry on then I'm just an absolute mug....not to mention he's not the easiest kid in the world to look after.

If you think it will cause problems to just say no, then make up an excuse, you already have plans, no one can expect you to change your plans. You will have to be a bit firmer, but if your not ready for honesty then there are other ways around this.
Good luck