Disappointed by my mother for not helping me. AIBU?

[Samafe]

So, let's start with 3 notes:

• English is not my mother language, sorry for any typo :)
• My mother is high risk population for Covid but she is now double jabbed, and me and my husband as well. 2yo son is not.
• We live ca. 2 hours far away

Covid hit my mother very very hard from the psychological POW. My mother has some previous unresolved psyc. issues but always refused psychotherapy, and Covid was really bad for her mental health.
My mom is 62 y/o and recently retired. She is active, mobile and with a modern mentality (at least before covid)
I have a 2y/o son and currently pregnant with DD in my third trimester.
For a series of reasons, I needed help and support few times in the last months, and she used covid as the reason why she could not help me, always in a very vague way like "oh, I would love to help you, but you know, it's a difficult time with covid…."
I needed to spend few days in bed at the beginning of my pregnancy due to an injury, she did not even bother come visit once. "Covid makes things difficult".
I got very sick last week, and even after testing myself with PCR test 3 times, she claimed that maybe the test was not accurate and she preferred not to put herself at risk, even after I cried on the phone telling her I desperately needed help (and I am the type of person that always says "no no, I got it").
On the phone she said she was heartbroken because she could not help me, even if she wanted to do it so badly. (FYI, tomorrow she leaves for the seaside, which is 6 hours away from her).
This was the last drop...I feel selfish because I understand covid is a big deal for her, but I am honestly starting to feel disappointment and resentment toward her.
There are many ways to support a person, and if she would "balance out" the lack of in-person support with another type of support (e.g. sending me cards or organizing grocery delivers or whatever) I would maybe feel better, but the only thing I keep hearing is "If only I could help you I would do it". Last time she visited me was Aug2020. In the meantime I visited her a little bit less than once a month.

AIBU for feeling resentment? Should I try to understand more her side? Do you have any suggestion how to deal with this?

Thanks a lot!

Covid hit my mother very very hard from the psychological POW. My mother has some previous unresolved psyc. issues but always refused psychotherapy, and Covid was really bad for her mental health.

If she couldn’t help you due to a physical illness, would you be more understanding?

Sorry you’re having a tough time but I think you’re being a bit unfair to your mum.

You have a husband, it is not your mothers job to care for you now you are adult. I agree it’s not nice feeling this way but it is the way it is. If you need support with your kids or health your husband should meet those needs

I am sorry you are having a tough time but grandmothers don't come with an expectation they have to help you in anyway or balance out anything! She presumably looked after you for years and wants to make choices for herself what is best for herself now in her later years. You chose to have children. They only fair expectation is you to expect your partner to help you more.

Sorry you have been unwell, but its not your mum (who is 2hrs away!!!) who should be expected to help you. Especially as she obviously has her own unresolved mental health issues.

When you were sick, your DH should have taken carers leave to look after you and your child.

Agree with the others, where's your partner in all this?

You have a husband, it is not your mothers job to care for you now you are adult. I agree it’s not nice feeling this way but it is the way it is. If you need support with your kids or health your husband should meet those needs

Where did OP mention she had a husband??

Op it's been the same for me with my dm for years, you just have to work around it and not count on her. sadly, just because they're the grandmother, doesn't mean they will/can help.

YANBU to feel sad she won’t help. I am of the belief that motherhood is a life long job so whilst I don’t think you should be expected to do everything for your adult son/daughter, I do think you should help them if they’re in desperate need as you seem to be. Guessing your DH works long hours or works away?

I reckon it stings more because she’s making shit excuses to get out of helping you.

@YouJustDoYou- OP mentioned her husband in the OP!!!

@YouJustDoYou

You have a husband, it is not your mothers job to care for you now you are adult. I agree it’s not nice feeling this way but it is the way it is. If you need support with your kids or health your husband should meet those needs

Where did OP mention she had a husband??

Op it's been the same for me with my dm for years, you just have to work around it and not count on her. sadly, just because they're the grandmother, doesn't mean they will/can help.

and me and my husband as well. 2yo son is

She doesn't have to help you. Just like you don't have to help her with her mental health issue and when she will get old and frail. Perfectly understandable your disappointment, however you now know you cant/shouldn't rely on her

So how much help is your husband? Forget your DM stepping up it should be DH! YABU to your Mum.

Stop pressuring your mother and get your actual partner to pull his weight.

I'm also wondering what your husband is doing. It's a bit odd to expect someone who lives 2 hours away, to come over and help out when you are sick. And expecting her to organise grocery deliveries is rather cheeky - surely you or your husband could do that ?

Some people are all talk and no action. Wasn't she like this before? I'd be talking to her a lot less because it would annoy me that she was pretending like this.

I have a 2y/o son and currently pregnant with DD in my third trimester.

So there is another adult reasonable for these children - where is he is this?

not your mother's responsibility, at all

and I am the type of person that always says "no no, I got it"

That's not what the rest of your post suggests!

Unfortunately all her ‘I wish I could help you’ comments are untrue, she is just saying the socially accepted thing. You need to stop hoping, asking or even wanting her help, as sad as that is.

Some people can only look after themselves. If she needs huge assistance later on you’ll know the script if you don’t feel inclined.

Good luck with your new baby.

It's not her duty but I completely understand you feel upset.
My mother is the same, probably worse as she has no issues, she just cant be arsed to do anything for anybody.

another one asking what is dh doing exactly to help?

Op its hard agree. We never had help at all. You cant change it. But Im sure you hurt she got to seaside 6 hr away! Hope u feel ok.

It's your DH who should be helping you not your DM. YABU.

I think that parenting is a forever deal - just because you are an adult it doesn't mean that your parents should stop caring for you or helping when you truly need them.
If she can go to the seaside, she could help you. This would affect how I felt about her if she was my mother. In future I wouldn't prioritise her over my own needs. I'd not put myself out to visit etc

Why do people have kids just to completely fuck them off once they're an adult disgusting if you ask me

‘YABU. It is not your mother’s job to step up it is your husband’s. I think that you are being very unfair on your mother!