to be annoyed at the text my older Sister just set me re; Christmas presents?

[ATortIsForLifeNotJustChristmas]

Basically said don't bother to buy xxx (My nephew) a present. Spend it on yours (meaning my 4 dc) and say its from me (herself!)
And on the end- thanks for xxx birthday present, you didn't have to.

Well i am annoyed! For a start i know i didnt have to give DN some money for his Birthday. I did it becaus i wanted to!

And why should i buy something nice for my DC and sayits from her?

just say ive already got his present im afraid so you will have to choose present your self for my dc

the bit about the bday present owuldnt bother me, but the xmas bit would.

i can understand dont get mine a present, but get yours one and say its from me?

what so i spend for 4 kids (your own) instead of 1 (your sisters) and she spends on 1 instead of 4?!?!

then don't. Guessing the underlying subtext in the message is either she can't afford it/can't be bothered to buy for yours.

Either likely ??

YANBU

Sorry, but I think YABU!

She seems to want to make life easier by you buying for your kids, something you know they would like. Rather than telling her, she's got to find it, get it to you etc etc.

Also, 'you didn't have to' is just a turn of phrase! Its not literal! I get the impression you don't like your SIL much....well, I can relate to that, but I don't think she is being a pain now, sorry.

Best you ring and ask her what she means.

Oooh - these things should never be done by text.

Phone her up and talk to her. See what it's all about.

Also, if you want to, get your 4 something really little...and say its from her. That might make you feel better!

laurie- can't be bother i am sure! I know they have money. Last year mine got a choc snowman and she asked for a dvd for xxx!!

Good idea bubbla. I dont expect her to buy for mine if she doesn't want to!

maidamess- I don't particually get on with my Sister. I know she is only thinking of herself on this one.

totally agree fiofio.

thought the same as maidamess
it does though make it easier for you both doesnt it?..

If you feel that you still want to give a pressie to your nephew, then I think you should text her back saying so,along the lines of "got your text. sorry, but i really feel strongly that christmas is for the children and I still really want to get something for your ds. I understand, though, if you feel that buying something for my 4 is too much expense or hassle"

Flier- That sounds good. I might just put that.
I do enjoy looking for gifts for family. It only her and my Brother near me so its nice to swap gifts but im not bothered if she cant be bothered with mine! They will get plenty from me!

Christmas gets out of hand for lots of people. I want to to set the rule (for the world) that everyone has to buy their present from a charity shop or source and not spend more than £5. It would make it more fun and the giving part would not be lost. I don't want to sound ungrateful but as a family we receive a lot of crap that is neither appreciated (not really although all our thank you letter would not betray this fact ) nor wanted. It is a huge waste of the earth's resources, money, time etc. I might stand at the next election on the max £5 charity shop christmas present manifesto.

Could it be that she doesn't think that she should have to buy 4 presents when you only have to buy 1?

I hated when one of my brothers stated that we shouldn't buy for each other any more (this was a few years ago) but I liked buying for my brothers!

Now we just buy for the children, and one of my brothers do have 4 children and myself and other brother only has 1 but the 4 are individuals and should not be lumped together..

So yes I have to pay more for brothers children then he does for mine - but so what, I am sure that we have around the same budget for each child and after all does they are ALL my nepwhes so it doesn;t matter at all that 4 happen to belong to 1 brother..

So after all this waffle

YANBU, I would talk to her and say that you like buying her DS a present and that your DC look forward to getting from your their auntie....

Yes i expect that is the reason Heifer.
Expect she will stll buy for he DP's family. They normally do!

hi, just wanted to say that if you want to buy dn a gift and enjoy doing so then go ahead and do this. If she doesn't want to buy your children a gift once or twice a year then stuff her, as you said, they get plenty from you anyway.

My in-laws tried this on me and I just smiled sweetly and said "oh I'd love to get xxx a xmas gift I really enjoy it, but don't worry about mine, they get enough from my family anyway". Tbh I think it shamed them. They never did it again anyway.

I do feel sad that some people don't want to buy a gift for 4 kids when they only have one. It's only once a year for god sake's I'd be mortified if I couldn't treat my newphews and nieces once or twice a year.

Totally agree with fio. Presents at Christmas are supposed to be to do with generosity, and the joy of giving, and receiving knowing that someone wanted to give a little thought to you...

I don't think it's making life easier I think it's just grim and depressing to do it the way she suggests! I agree with saying you've already bought for her kids, and suggest she can (if she WANTS) choose something herself for your children!

Could be worse- my ssiter told my mum she was doingt eh £5 Christmas present thing this year for all of us

Thing is, she isn't planning to tell us and we agreed £15 alst eyar

Wonder why she's so well off......

Christmas presents are a nightmare and shouldn't be discussed by text!!

Ring her - could be that she is embarrassed as she can't afford to reciprocate.

also agree with you swedes. One year at University (oh blimey about 15 yrs ago now!) I had, literally, £10 to do Christmas presents for my mum, dad, brother and gran. Did it via the local charity shop! My mum still has the little necklace I got her and I found the embroidered hankie I got for my gran in her possessions when she died....reminds me that I ought to do this more often. Just because i have a BIT more money now doesn't mean stuff has to come from the high street.

I don't buy for my brother or sister (plus in-laws) but we each have 3 kids so it evens out. Altho my bro and SIL live about 350 miles away so by the time I've got them presents and delivered them to mums for them to be picked up by bro, it's about easter!

It's a bit rude. And at this point lots of people have already bought the presents so if I were you i'd say i've already bought nephew a present and leave it at that.

FWIW with the more/less dc thing I know when we were young and mum and my aunt bought for each others kids(are you following) that mum had 3 dc's and my aunt had 2 so mum spent more on her two individually so say mum spent £30 per child and aunt only spent £20 per child. Then no-one loses out IYSWIM.

Depends if you can afford to spend more though

If you want to give your nephew a present, then give him one. But don't try to embarrass her into having to buy for your children. Maybe she genuinely can't afford it, even though you think money isn't a problem for her. Four extra presents is a lot when you are struggling. My SIL has asked us not to buy for them this year because they can't afford to buy for us. It's no big deal really, and I'd hate to think that she's worrying about buying us presents and not being able to afford what she wants to spend on her own dc.