Was this cf behaviour?

[OaxacaChihuahua]

I recently went to a wedding which took place in a hotel. There was no gift list and the invitation said ‘no gifts necessary’. However, like many people, we gave a gift voucher in a card which we put in a cardboard postbox on a table covered in sweets and the guestbook etc,

In a horrible turn of events, the contents of the postbox have been stolen. Possibly / most likely by an employee of the hotel. The hotel is investigating but there’s no cctv, so they’re making no promises.

The bride and groom sent out an update from their wedding website to explain this, because they wanted people to know why they weren’t sending personalised thank you letters. No issue with that at all, it was thoughtful. However, in that update they said ‘should you wish to replace your stolen gift, please consider donating to our honeymoon fund’ and a link to s gofundme set up for this purpose.

AIBU or is this a bit cheeky? As it happens I would have given them a replacement voucher anyway, but this feels like a bit of pressure put on people to do so when some may not be able to afford it. It’s obviously terrible for the bride and groom that their gifts were stolen and not their fault at all, but it’s hardly the guests’ fault either.

So:

YABU - it’s a horrible thing to have happened and most people would want to replace their gifts anyway. It’s fine for the bride and groom to give directives on how that should be done.

YANBU - it’s cheeky to ask people to stump up again for presents, they should have said nothing and left it as a matter of individual choice.

[quote Hekatestorch]@godmum56 I get what you are saying but that's different again.

At conferences and this sort of thing a secure room would be supplied. If that secure room was accessed, that would be the hotels responsibility. Because they offer that security. Usually one or 2 people will be given access to those rooms. This is why key cards have been popular for about 20 years as you can track which card was used likely, a staff card was used to access this area.

I worked weddings and conferences for many years, in hotels.

Also, in a briefcase they can do an estimate of cost of contents.

This box, seems to have been left in a common area, that could have been stolen by anyone.

Unless the hotel agreed to secure it or it was left in the bride and grooms private room.

The hotel, may have insurance for this sort of thing, but will be reluctant to claim. And even if they do, they will stipulate they aren't responsible for things left unattended in common areas.

There could have been just the ops gift in there or 10k, in theory.

Its really not as simple as the hotel needs to claim. And paying the couple out, could also Imply they take responsibility and are admitting that their staff stole it

That was my point 'the hotel has to claim on their insurance' isn't quite as simple as people are making out.[/quote]
how can you secure a gift table at a reception? Its not an uncommon thing to do.....as i said, if the hotel knew and allowed it and did not warn the couple that their insurance would not cover it then they are acceting at least some of the responsibility.
As for the "what was there" I did say that I would have expected the couple to ask people for any proof of what they had put in the box.
And yes, hotels will be reluctant to claim but that doesn't mean that they aren't insured and couldn't claim.
Oh btw in both cases of briefcase theft, the possessions were not left in a secure room. All the attenders were able to access the room freely during the day and it was where hot drinks were left for the conference attenders. It was part of the conference setup and the users were explicitly told that they could leave possessions there.

how can you secure a gift table at a reception? Its not an uncommon thing to do.....as i said, if the hotel knew and allowed it and did not warn the couple that their insurance would not cover it then they are acceting at least some of the responsibility.

You can't, which is why the vast majority of contracts with wedding venues, state that the hotel doesn't recommend doing then and/or takes no responsibility. Also usually, that gifts should be removed to a secure room.

As for the "what was there" I did say that I would have expected the couple to ask people for any proof of what they had put in the box.

But if there was cash, as expected then you can't prove it. Nowhere near. Vouchers will have a receipt but can often be cancelled and reissued, so they wouldn't be a cash equivalent for the hotel to pay, unless it can't refunded

And yes, hotels will be reluctant to claim but that doesn't mean that they aren't insured and couldn't claim.

Yes, I know. As I said, it's not as simple as the 'the hotel needs to claim'

It was part of the conference setup and the users were explicitly told that they could leave possessions there.

So the hotels, took responsibility before hand for unattended items, before the event aim the planning stage? That's quite usual. If that's the case here then the hotel I am sure they will pay out. But then them saying there's wasn't anything they can do doesn't make sense.

The hotel should organise something not the guests

''The hotel should be giving them something in compensation.''

I am pretty sure businesses disassociate themselves with stolen or missing possessions from customers in the same way you are told if you use a car park any damage/theft is not their responsibility. Otherwise where would it end?
It does seem bizarre though it was stolen and this thread is pretty revealing as surely this can't be a common occurrence.

Depends really. Perhaps those that knew the gifts were stolen asked about replacing them, so they put it in their message.
Horrible business all round. The hotel should check if they can claim insurance or if the bride/groom have provision in their own household insurance to cover money outside the household.

“So sorry to hear about this. How awful. If your wedding insurance company want receipts for the gift vouchers we posted in order for you to make a claim please do let us know”

They probably don't have wedding insurance, considering the amount of people that don't have house insurance.

My lord, cheeky as F behaviour! I get fed up with the whole wedding process as it is, massively expensive to even attend one without having to add in another present when you already gave one. Yep bad luck for them but they should not have even floated the idea of asking people to donate to their honeymoon and also a go fund me for their honeymoon, seriously Get Fkd. Pay for your own honeymoon, you are big enough to get married you should be big enough to pay for your honeymoon too! jesus the chutzpah....

Maybe I am a grinch but I can say I would never do any of the above!

To my previous message, what annoys me is that they didnt pay for their honeymoon before they got married, is that normal? I dont know about these things?

I cant help but think this is all a bit fishy! Maybe I am a cynical old hag though!

@aalidfeie

To my previous message, what annoys me is that they didnt pay for their honeymoon before they got married, is that normal? I dont know about these things?

I cant help but think this is all a bit fishy! Maybe I am a cynical old hag though!

I'd say that's fairly normal given the Covid situation but it's more likely they'll use it towards spending money

I think it just sounds very cheeky. Letting people know their envelopes have been stolen so they can cancel cheques and gift cards is one thing. Most friends would then do that and replace anyway, but the go fund me is just cheeky.

I didn't know you could cancel gift cards. If true, that's very useful information in the event of them being stolen and a reminder that receipts should always be kept for everything. I keep all mine for a year,.

@quizqueen

I didn't know you could cancel gift cards. If true, that's very useful information in the event of them being stolen and a reminder that receipts should always be kept for everything. I keep all mine for a year,.

You clearly haven't been on mn long if you didn't know you could cancel a cheque

Egg on my face! I read the word cheque for gift card. I'm on here too much. I've been brainwashed. Sorry!

It's totally up to the hotel to resolve this. They have been ridiculously cheeky asking people to replace their gifts.

I had two vouchers for game for my brothers for helping on my wedding day. They were in the hotel room and suddenly had vanished. It was clear they had been stolen by someone who worked there.

I had to give my brothers money instead as it was the day before the wedding. The hotel replaced the vouchers and sent me an apology (and I didn't even complain, I was asking if anyone had handed them on because at the time I thought with all the chaos of the day before prep that I had misplaced them or dropped them somewhere even though I can remember putting them on the table in the room).

Wow that’s cheeky and definitely CF!

@Fernando072020

It's totally up to the hotel to resolve this. They have been ridiculously cheeky asking people to replace their gifts.

I had two vouchers for game for my brothers for helping on my wedding day. They were in the hotel room and suddenly had vanished. It was clear they had been stolen by someone who worked there.

I had to give my brothers money instead as it was the day before the wedding. The hotel replaced the vouchers and sent me an apology (and I didn't even complain, I was asking if anyone had handed them on because at the time I thought with all the chaos of the day before prep that I had misplaced them or dropped them somewhere even though I can remember putting them on the table in the room).

But as you say yourself, they were left in your room. A private, lockable space that only you and hotel staff with pass keys could access. This present box was left in an open, unattended area. There were potentially hundreds of people - staff and guests - with access to it.

If I managed that hotel, I’d take a chunk off the bill as a ‘gesture’ (NOT an admission of liability) to avoid bad publicity. But they’re no more legally responsible than a nightclub is if your handbag is stolen from a table when you could have put it in the cloakroom.

YANBU. They should have insurance, or claim from the hotel insurance

YANBU at all. Very cheeky request or at best horribly worded.

Are you sure they’re not trying it on? I feel very mean asking but surely it’s covered by wedding insurance or the venue will want to make some sort of no admissions settlement payment to avoid a terrible review?