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AIBU?

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Original poster

16 year and drugs

31 replies

sensiblesometimes · 05/08/2021 09:34

I have looked on his phone and he has taken ketamine, LsD , weed and alcohol, he has sometimes mixed . He has only taken a handful.of times, but I think weed is regular .
We have curfew of 11pm but he has slept over at friends 3 times this summer , he always tells us where he is going and who he is with . I have stopped his allowance and cut up his debit card he is furious and has punched wall
What should I do ? He is now angry and resentful, particularly about me looking on his phone ,
Was I wrong to give consequences

OP posts:
FSPea · 05/08/2021 09:46

Most of my friends and I did all this stuff when younger, and have all turned out fine.

Doing drugs with friends is a great bonding experience.

You're probably doing him more harm by denying him those experiences.

Obviously some people do get fucked up by some drugs, but there's a massive difference between doing some LSD/ketamin and smoking a bit of weed with your friends, and doing heroine routinely.

If he's enjoying himself with friends now and again I'd say it's fine. In my opinion it would become a problem and need your intervention only if it started to dominate other aspects of his life - for example if he was regularly missing school or important events etc. Getting wasted with mates and sleeping all the next day at the weekend is just part of being young and having fun.

OneTC · 05/08/2021 09:48

You're probably doing him more harm by denying him those experiences.

lol

Mischance · 05/08/2021 09:50

Drugs were the bottom line with me when mine were teenagers. It is essential that he stops this.

AllTheSingleLadiess · 05/08/2021 09:50

He punched a wall ffs

I've lived with an angry 16 year old who I regularly butted heads with and it never got to smashing up the house

Allllchange · 05/08/2021 09:51

www.talktofrank.com/contact-frank

VienneseWhirligig · 05/08/2021 09:54

@fspea this is satire, right?

Watchingyou2sleezes · 05/08/2021 10:02

They're all obsessed with drugs at that age. My 16 year old is forever boring on if he gets a whiff if a weed smell. No doubt they try it but I've told all mine that if I find out - they get fuck all- not a penny and they can fuck off somewhere else.

That idiot blabbing on about a bit of harmless weed smoking when they were young, weed strains are considerably stronger these days, have undoubtedly caused serious mental illness in a number if young people. If nothing else it makes the rest lazy and robs them of ambition.
Young people (especially males in my view) should be discouraged by any means necessary from indulging in weed until they're well in their 20s.

SnowdaySewday · 05/08/2021 11:21

Where is he getting this stuff from? He might owe them money and they come looking for it or for favours in lieu (county lines).

Talk to him. He's acting angry but may actually be scared.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 05/08/2021 11:25

Doing drugs with friends is a great bonding experience

Wtf??

takealettermsjones · 05/08/2021 11:35

That first comment is batshit crazy. You need to have a very serious talk about health, addiction, the law, the damage the drug industry does... And yes, give consequences, he's 16. But going mad and cutting up his bank cards was probably not a great idea.

Bumblecattabbybee · 05/08/2021 11:43

Honestly, as a parent it must be so scary but as teens it IS fairly normal to experiment with these things. When I was this age everyone was experimenting. I certainly did and my parents had no idea. My friends parents knew and were more relaxed about it, seeing it as just something young people try, and so my friends were much more open and honest with their parents which I always think means they were safer than I was, and also closer to their parents.

All my friends who did this are now successful, respectable professionals, so it's really not a slippery slope for most people, and it really IS common, and parents who say it isn't probably just don't know about it.

If your son goes to uni he will be exposed to all this on a massive scale. My uni was full of drugs, and people were a experimenting like crazy, and this also seems fairly common as all my friends at different unis has the same experience.

It's MUCH better to explain to your son the dangers of certain drugs, so he's aware and more sensible and cautious. If you are too hard and strict about it, he is more likely to just rebel/lie to you/feel alienated from you and therefore more likely to feel angry, upset and reckless (which can result in risky behaviour.)

Sit down and have a talk with him. Be really honest and open. Did you never experiment yourself? Tell him about your experiences, concerns, etc. Try not to explode, as tempting as I know it must be, because it's so easy to alienate a kid of this age, and I do truly believe those friends of mine who could talk to their parents about these things were so much safer than I was, feeling that I needed to hide everything from mine.

Maggiesfarm · 05/08/2021 11:44

I thought the same as takealettermsjones.

At sixteen he is able to leave home if he can support himself. Cutting up bank cards is counterproductive.

Many children of his age go through a phase of experimenting with drugs, it doesn't make them drug addicts. They mostly grow up into pillars of society.

santabetterwashhishands · 05/08/2021 11:48

Bonding experience 🤣I've heard it all now !
Whoever thinks this is an acceptable sentence is going to have feral young people and this is what is wrong with the world today 😡

CremeEggThief · 05/08/2021 11:51

I think you over-reacted and you shouldn't have been looking at his phone at his age. As much as some would like to think otherwise, it's more normal to take drugs in your late teens and 20s than to not.
IMO, you went too far and he lashed out as a consequence.

TuesdayRuby · 05/08/2021 11:58

OP you will undoubtedly get lots of comments from the anti-drugs brigade on here who have no experience of ever taking them but are convinced anyone who smokes a spliff is going to end up a heroin addict.

In the real world, drugs are everywhere, from schools to universities to workplaces. It already looks like he’s experimenting with his friends. You’d be much better off having an educated chat with him, explaining to him the risks, background to where drugs come from etc and your concerns with him experimenting. Coming down heavy handed and snooping on his phone etc will only alienate him further.

Like PP have said, the vast majority of people experimented in their youth and turned out just fine. Keep an eye on him and support him when he needs you.

The4ks · 05/08/2021 12:15

Unfortunately yes it's part of most teenagers lives these days, not that it's right of course.
Serious talk about the dangers and where's he's getting the money for sure.
Weed and alcohol not great but I've seen grown adults in some states due to ketamine and its fucking awful.
Good luck.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 05/08/2021 12:16

Ds's best friend died last year from such "experimenting". It's not a normal, acceptable part of life. That's just the opinion of those wishing to normalise it for their own ends. Maybe it makes them feel better about themselves?? Drugs kill and wreck lives. Better to just say no.

Leftphalange · 05/08/2021 12:19

I think the first poster who commented is possibly still high themselves if they truly believe what they are saying

queenMab99 · 05/08/2021 12:23

My son at 45 lives with me, as his relationship broke up, his children love him and I want him to have a decent home where he can see them, his expartner and I work together to ensure the children are protected. He started at 17 or so 'bonding' with friends, and wasted all of his twenties, he met expartner, seemed to get clean and had children in his thirties, and seemed to be coping. However, at any stress or upset, he turns back to drugs. His mental health is very unstable, but it is impossible to tell what is due to drugs. Do every thing you can to stop this, get advice from drug support agencies. I am 70 now and have been battling this for over 20 years.

Polkadots2021 · 05/08/2021 12:24

@sensiblesometimes

I have looked on his phone and he has taken ketamine, LsD , weed and alcohol, he has sometimes mixed . He has only taken a handful.of times, but I think weed is regular . We have curfew of 11pm but he has slept over at friends 3 times this summer , he always tells us where he is going and who he is with . I have stopped his allowance and cut up his debit card he is furious and has punched wall What should I do ? He is now angry and resentful, particularly about me looking on his phone , Was I wrong to give consequences
Recent research says that regular weed smoking can cause schizophrenia which should scare the absolute crap out of him. People think weed isn't so serious but it really is. Plus depression. I've seen a couple of promising young athletes literally lose everything because they got too into weed.

I'd talk to him about the dangers of week and whatever else he's taking. For every other poster who says weed is ok, I'm presuming you keep up monthly with advances in science regarding effects of drugs on mental disorders?

AuntieDolly · 05/08/2021 12:25

I expect he knows way more about drugs that you do. They are everywhere and I think the hard part is knowing why is he taking them. If it's to have fun and party that's better than taking them because he is unhappy and needs to block out that unhappiness. I don't think you can realistically stop 16 year olds from doing anything. If you cut up the debit card will he start dealing to fund it? That's a whole other conversation ☹️

Paint69 · 05/08/2021 12:28

I would say it's all well and good to tell your kids not to do drugs and to punish them, but the likelihood of them listening to you is slim. Teaching teenagers how to reduce the risk of overdosing and how a small amount can be lethal, is fundamental. Drugs are everywhere now. I think lots of families think drugs are a class thing and it won't affect them. It affects all families of all backgrounds.

queenMab99 · 05/08/2021 12:30

You are lucky to have caught it early, no phones to check in the 90s.

secular39 · 05/08/2021 12:35

@FSPea

Most of my friends and I did all this stuff when younger, and have all turned out fine.

Doing drugs with friends is a great bonding experience.

You're probably doing him more harm by denying him those experiences.

Obviously some people do get fucked up by some drugs, but there's a massive difference between doing some LSD/ketamin and smoking a bit of weed with your friends, and doing heroine routinely.

If he's enjoying himself with friends now and again I'd say it's fine. In my opinion it would become a problem and need your intervention only if it started to dominate other aspects of his life - for example if he was regularly missing school or important events etc. Getting wasted with mates and sleeping all the next day at the weekend is just part of being young and having fun.

I can't believe what I'm reading. Are you a parent?! I always wonder why there are so many teens who do drugs? Don't the parents know what they are doing? No wonder! If they have role models like you as a parent. Just so shameful,
JustAnotherPoster00 · 05/08/2021 12:37

Recent research says that regular weed smoking can cause schizophrenia which should scare the absolute crap out of him

Could you link to the research, might be a helpful resource