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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Me and DH

65 replies

magsbagsfags · 04/08/2021 22:21

Why do people say it?

If you remove DH from the equation...you wouldn't say "me went".

Is it "Me and DH went to the cinema...."? No!

Because it is not "Me went to the cinema...." it sounds awful! So does "me and DH"

it is "I went to the cinema...". Therefore it is "DH and I went to the cinema".

OP posts:
NanaPorsche · 04/08/2021 23:37

Used to love parsing sentences at Uni.

Apparently, it's one of those things that can't be mentioned.

🤐

Only certain types of people are allowed to have an opinion.

🤨

NewlyGranny · 04/08/2021 23:46

It's easy to check. Just take the other person out and check whether you'd use I or me and then proceed. People think me is a dirty word, somehow. It's the poor pronoun.

"Something strange happened to DH and I on the way to the cinema."
Wrong.

You would say something strange happened to me if it was just you, so it's still me, not I.

As for myself, it's a relexive pronoun, so it's only used for things you do to yourself. Nobody can talk to myself except me!

"I gave myself a good talking to." Correct.

"If you have any questions, ask Mrs R or myself." Wrong.

"If you have any questions, ask me." Correct. And if there's two people you can approach, it's still ask Mrs R or me.

I can talk to myself but you can only talk to yourself, not to myself.

ShiningGonnaShine · 04/08/2021 23:50

@PenCreed - same! One woman I knew was a horrible grammar pedant, who had no qualms about grammar-shaming people (she'd correct them in meetings, she'd reply to emails highlighting mistakes). It was very much her 'thing'. But she kept saying 'and I' incorrectly (in staff newsletters, no less). I itched to correct her but didn't want to lower myself to her level Grin. She was a twat.

I do agree with @Neondisco, though... We all know what each other means. And I say this as an English teacher (aforementioned twat was the Head of my department for a while 🤦‍♀️).

So, I'm very meh about people just getting it wrong. But people trying too hard to get it right, and getting it wrong anyway, does ruffle my feathers a little.

Terhou · 05/08/2021 00:03

@Neondisco

It's how people speak. Get over it.

You know perfectly well what it means.

That's not really an adequate answer, though. The more people write bad grammar, the more others think it's acceptable. This is a parenting forum, our children are all being closely judged in school on their grammar and being penalised for bad grammar. Therefore as parents we need to get it right.
Lalliella · 05/08/2021 00:12

Me and DH think you missed a capital letter off of the first word of your last paragraph OP. You should of got that right. If you need any grammar help please contact DH and I.

ValidUser · 05/08/2021 00:14

@ShiningGonnaShine, @NewlyGranny and @PenCreed, I love you all.

ValidUser · 05/08/2021 00:16

@Lalliella you made I laugh with that. (Myself made I a bit sick with that sentence.)

powershowerforanhour · 05/08/2021 00:26

YABU to start a sentence with a conjunction. Because that's just wrong. And annoying. So it is.

Original poster
magsbagsfags · 05/08/2021 00:38

@LawnFever

Well that’s 30 seconds of my life I’ll never get back, bet you’re a scream at parties Grin
😂
OP posts:
Original poster
magsbagsfags · 05/08/2021 00:39

@ShiningGonnaShine

I actually get more annoyed when people think they're being clever and saying it the right way when they say 'and I' but they've actually got it wrong. For eg 'would you like to come with mum and I?' or 'come and see my friend and I'. Both should be 'me'. People saying 'me and DH went to the cinema' doesn't annoy me half as much, even though it's equally wrong.
YES!!!!! Totally agree! My boss says "and I" all the time...even when it's wrong.
OP posts:
CaribouCarafe · 05/08/2021 00:40

Methinks you should just embrace the fact that most people make grammatical mistakes Wink

Original poster
magsbagsfags · 05/08/2021 00:42

@Lalliella

Me and DH think you missed a capital letter off of the first word of your last paragraph OP. You should of got that right. If you need any grammar help please contact DH and I.
Fanks!

Me will do so Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
magsbagsfags · 05/08/2021 00:43

@NewlyGranny

It's easy to check. Just take the other person out and check whether you'd use I or me and then proceed. People think me is a dirty word, somehow. It's the poor pronoun.

"Something strange happened to DH and I on the way to the cinema."
Wrong.

You would say something strange happened to me if it was just you, so it's still me, not I.

As for myself, it's a relexive pronoun, so it's only used for things you do to yourself. Nobody can talk to myself except me!

"I gave myself a good talking to." Correct.

"If you have any questions, ask Mrs R or myself." Wrong.

"If you have any questions, ask me." Correct. And if there's two people you can approach, it's still ask Mrs R or me.

I can talk to myself but you can only talk to yourself, not to myself.

Me loves you
OP posts:
MorriseysGladioli · 05/08/2021 00:49

Me myself personally, would suggest you all stop going to the cinema with your darling husbands, as strange things always seem to happen.

YesDisney · 05/08/2021 00:51

Ohhh picking on people’s education. Nice.

Original poster
magsbagsfags · 05/08/2021 01:05

@MorriseysGladioli

Me myself personally, would suggest you all stop going to the cinema with your darling husbands, as strange things always seem to happen.
@MorriseysGladioli

I thought DH stood for dickhead!

OP posts:
Original poster
magsbagsfags · 05/08/2021 01:07

@YesDisney

Ohhh picking on people’s education. Nice.
Surely this is basic grammar though? Not only taught to kids at too notch independent schools?

Maybe it's picking up on people unable to learn basic grammar - and for that I apologise as that isn't nice.

I thought it was laziness.

OP posts:
OldWivesTale · 05/08/2021 01:13

I have an English degree and I teach languages. I know that it is technically incorrect to say "Me and dh" but I feel like a complete twat saying "Dh and I"; I just can't bring myself to say it. Maybe it's where I grew up but it sounds wanky. On the other hand, when people say, "Come along with dh and I" it really fucking annoys me. I think it's because they think it sounds posher - but really they don't understand grammar.

smileandsmilesomemore · 05/08/2021 07:14

It sounds really old fashioned to say DH and I, I know it's correct but to say me and Dh sounds more normal, you're not talking about just yourself.

FawnFrenchieMum · 05/08/2021 07:22

Are we talking a formal letter here or a MN post?!

This will help me decide how little I care!

Caffeinemonster · 05/08/2021 07:25

It’s just another form of snobbery. I have no idea why it’s ok to criticise people for this, but not for dropping letters. Dialect or not, on the same basis isn’t that just laziness too?

I know my grammar isn’t perfect. Thankfully my friends are snobby bitches and don’t seem to mind. Neither did it stop me getting a suite of As at A Level. Didn’t seem to be a problem when I got my first class degree either.

Ponoka7 · 05/08/2021 07:38

@MrsFin
"I agree with you though.
I don't understand
a) why people don't want to speak correctly"

Because they don't want to drop their regional dialect and speech patterns. There isn't one way to speak correctly. Writing is different. Again, though, unless it's a formal piece of writing, using speech patterns is fine.

Some people struggle with grammar rules. They aren't easy for everyone. I'm sure that there's things that you struggle with.
As a Mother of two children who have dyslexia this pisses me off. Both my DD's do jobs that a lot of people would struggle with, one in severe mental health care. What does it matter if what she writes across social media isn't considered correct? She shines in everything else and makes a difference to lots of people's lives.

Velvian · 05/08/2021 07:45

I say "DH and me" while knowing it is incorrect. I just feel like a dick saying "DH and I". I feel like I'm doing an impression of the Queen, "My husband and I..."

I'm sure many people realise it is incorrect, but it just flows better in colloquial speech.

Neondisco · 05/08/2021 07:45

@Terhou it's almost as if people can use different grammar or have different standards in different contexts.

Surprisingly how I write on a forum using my phone is not to the same standard I use a work or when I was studying for my degree or masters. Wild.

Gardenwalldilema · 05/08/2021 07:56

A really bright woman i work with says things like "If yourself can arrange for that to be sent to myself this week that would be great".
Absolutely no idea why she does it, sounds ridiculous. I'm much less concerned by the misformulated I / Me stuff.