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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex not having the kids

37 replies

Itsyourweekend · 04/08/2021 18:53

Me and ex have recently split . He's never actually done any parenting. He just does the fun bits. So I felt quite reluctant for him to have them over the weekend. But I figured I got to let him some time he's living with his mum and daughter who is mid 20s so I'm sure they will look after the kids.

Anyway he's now said he can't have them for the next couple of weekends because he has to work one of them. And the other weekend he's arranged to see his other daughters who are all in their mid 20s.

Part of Me is thinking good I was not comfortable with it anyway. Another part of me thinks why did you agree to work when you knew you was having them. But also I'm thinking it's not like the boys knew their dad was having them. So they are not upset or let down really.

But I do still feel a bit pissed off on the kids behalf. Actually as I wrote this I think maybe I am being unreasonable. But im going to post anyway Blush

OP posts:
clickychicky · 04/08/2021 18:57

He should be arranging his work to fit in with his commitments to his children.

clickychicky · 04/08/2021 18:57

Sounds like he's realised how much work it will be.

HurryUpAndWait23 · 04/08/2021 18:59

Feckless arse.

You're well rid.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 04/08/2021 19:00

If this is the pattern you expect to continue, put a child support claim in now so he's at least paying for them. Poor kids. They've got you though

Original poster
Itsyourweekend · 04/08/2021 19:01

@clickychicky

Sounds like he's realised how much work it will be.
No I don't think so as he would just do the same as he did here. He would do the fun bits then have the female do the parenting.
OP posts:
phishy · 04/08/2021 19:02

Sounds like he just wanted to look like a guy who who has kids but doesn’t actually want to have them. Or was hoping you would say no.

Stuff him. Just ignore him.

clickychicky · 04/08/2021 19:03

Maybe the female has made other plans for the day

Mrstamborineman · 04/08/2021 19:06

He’s a lazy bastard .

LadyJaye · 04/08/2021 19:07

Why would you assume this man's mother or adult daughter would take care of your children?

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 04/08/2021 19:08

The children should be his priority like they are yours.

girlmom21 · 04/08/2021 19:10

Don't let him make your children his second choice. They need consistency.

Original poster
Itsyourweekend · 04/08/2021 19:10

@LadyJaye

Why would you assume this man's mother or adult daughter would take care of your children?
Because I know them. And know they would. He's a man child his mum does everything for him and so does his daughters.
OP posts:
TrixIrl · 04/08/2021 19:11

If he has to work a weekend, is he off two days midweek? He could take the kids then?

Original poster
Itsyourweekend · 04/08/2021 19:20

@TrixIrl

If he has to work a weekend, is he off two days midweek? He could take the kids then?
No he will work all week. We have never actually lived together but he would stay over a few nights in the week or the weekend depending on his work pattern. But of course he cant stay over now. So it changes things.
OP posts:
ShortBacknSides · 04/08/2021 19:32

Well, we can all see why he’s an ex, and has various children scattered all over the place.

clickychicky · 04/08/2021 19:37

And the other weekend he's arranged to see his other daughters who are all in their mid 20s.

He can take their half siblings with him.

Original poster
Itsyourweekend · 04/08/2021 19:37

@ShortBacknSides

Well, we can all see why he’s an ex, and has various children scattered all over the place.
He does not have children all over the place. He has 3 who are in their 20s . Then he has 2 with me who are 5 and 6. So a big gap. But saying that I don't think he was a hands on father then either really
OP posts:
clickychicky · 04/08/2021 19:38

I'd get a contact schedule in place so you know which days he is meant to have them without having to keep contacting him. If he pulls out keep a record. All you have to do is make sure they are available for contact on the days he is meant to have them. Please make sure you are claiming maintenance from him too.

Original poster
Itsyourweekend · 04/08/2021 19:47

@clickychicky

I'd get a contact schedule in place so you know which days he is meant to have them without having to keep contacting him. If he pulls out keep a record. All you have to do is make sure they are available for contact on the days he is meant to have them. Please make sure you are claiming maintenance from him too.
Hes always paid for them. He is very good with that if he thinks they could do with new coat or shoes he will getbrjen without doing silly things like cutting the money he gives me for them. He won't ever see them go without stuff.

I'm going to contract myself now 😌. I don't really want there to be a strict pattern . As if there is no expectation then the kids won't be let down. But by the same token he should not let then down weather they know or not .

OP posts:
clickychicky · 04/08/2021 20:05

You might find the kids benefit from a routine of set days.

It's good that he is providing financially for them. But they need the emotional input from him too.

Original poster
Itsyourweekend · 04/08/2021 20:14

@clickychicky

You might find the kids benefit from a routine of set days.

It's good that he is providing financially for them. But they need the emotional input from him too.

He does love them to bits . But he's just a bit of a dick . Like he has to much exspections for their ages. And won't except that one has asd.
OP posts:
clickychicky · 04/08/2021 20:16

He's not seeing them for at least two weeks though? Or does he see them in between weekends?

Minionbums · 04/08/2021 20:18

Is the arrangement for every single weekend? Or every other weekend?

Original poster
Itsyourweekend · 04/08/2021 20:31

@clickychicky

He's not seeing them for at least two weeks though? Or does he see them in between weekends?
Well to be honest have not properly spoken about it . He just says can I take the kids out on Sunday and I say yes. We have only been split for 3 weeks. So its all new still. Normally if he's working the weekend he would stay 2 or 3 nights in the week. So see the kids in the evening after work till bed time. But now we have split that won't happen... so yeah I'm guess he won't see them for 2 weeks . I never thought of that 😳 that's quite out if order really.
OP posts:
Original poster
Itsyourweekend · 04/08/2021 20:34

@Minionbums

Is the arrangement for every single weekend? Or every other weekend?
I think he said once a month. Then he normally takes them out every Sunday. Pics them up 10 ish drops them back 7ish.
OP posts:
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