Ex not having the kids

[Itsyourweekend]

Me and ex have recently split . He's never actually done any parenting. He just does the fun bits. So I felt quite reluctant for him to have them over the weekend. But I figured I got to let him some time he's living with his mum and daughter who is mid 20s so I'm sure they will look after the kids.

Anyway he's now said he can't have them for the next couple of weekends because he has to work one of them. And the other weekend he's arranged to see his other daughters who are all in their mid 20s.

Part of Me is thinking good I was not comfortable with it anyway. Another part of me thinks why did you agree to work when you knew you was having them. But also I'm thinking it's not like the boys knew their dad was having them. So they are not upset or let down really.

But I do still feel a bit pissed off on the kids behalf. Actually as I wrote this I think maybe I am being unreasonable. But im going to post anyway

If it’s once a month then he can just swap for a different weekend

@Minionbums

If it’s once a month then he can just swap for a different weekend

Yes I guess so.

Ah I see, didn't realise it was that recent. All still very new so there's going to be a few bumps as you sort things out. Have you both had a sit down and talk about what you want contact to look like? I mean if he just wants 1 overnight a month I think you need him to commit to which one really.

@clickychicky

Ah I see, didn't realise it was that recent. All still very new so there's going to be a few bumps as you sort things out. Have you both had a sit down and talk about what you want contact to look like? I mean if he just wants 1 overnight a month I think you need him to commit to which one really.

That's where its difficult because not working means he looses money. He has to work one weekend a month. But also if there's an emgency. Then also once a month he arranges to see his 3 oldest as they all make sure they book of the same weekend together.

I wouldn’t get into the routine of him seeing them every Sunday - you need to be able to have weekends with them too.

@JustLyra

I wouldn’t get into the routine of him seeing them every Sunday - you need to be able to have weekends with them too.

It's only for the day. He picks them up 10am drops them by 7pm i have them them Saturdays. Plus all the school holidays. Plus after school till bed time.

Do you not work? And has he not ever lived with you despite having two kids together?

You need to firm up plans. Decide proper times when he sees them, like every other weekend full weekend, and a day and over night during the week. Or you will never be anything more than a mum. You need time too. If be works that weekend, he sorts child care. You need to set out your expectations now, while it is still soon after your break up.

@JulesCobb

Do you not work? And has he not ever lived with you despite having two kids together?

You need to firm up plans. Decide proper times when he sees them, like every other weekend full weekend, and a day and over night during the week. Or you will never be anything more than a mum. You need time too. If be works that weekend, he sorts child care. You need to set out your expectations now, while it is still soon after your break up.

No I don't work. No we have never lived together. That just worked well for us both. I know its not seen as the norm but it just worked for us.

He lives a 90 Min drive away so he can't have them one day in the week over night because of school. Also he cant get the time of work. Ds who has the asd would not cope going into childcare .

Well, it really didnt work for you did it as you cannot trust him to be a parent. Stuck to every other weekend then. Friday until sunday night. If you dont uou wont het aNy time to yourself.

Do you have older children too?

@JulesCobb

Well, it really didnt work for you did it as you cannot trust him to be a parent. Stuck to every other weekend then. Friday until sunday night. If you dont uou wont het aNy time to yourself.

Do you have older children too?

No your right I can't trust him to parent. Yes I have older children

Why don’t you work @Itsyourweekend? What’s your own situation?

@Briarshollow

Why don’t you work *@Itsyourweekend*? What’s your own situation?

I'm my ds carer so do not go to work.