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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To break up with my DP

31 replies

Iamincrisis · 04/08/2021 18:13

I am in a situation where I am at crisis point with my mental health (have posted two previous threads on this), and am considering breaking up with my DP.

After a really unsupportive conversation with my mum last night, I've realised that I'm surrounded by people I don't trust.

I've burnt myself out working while he gets to just bond with our DS, and I'm missing out on so much. If I was single, I could work on the weekends and get some financial support.

I don't know if I'm acting irrationally, but I need to do something.

OP posts:

Hekatestorch · 04/08/2021 18:15

What do you mean you get to work while he gets to bond with ds?

Is he the stay at home parent?

Do you really want to move out, leaving your child with your dp?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/08/2021 18:15

Is he a SAHD? Can you and he revisit work/childcare arrangements and make it more balanced?

HealthKick2021 · 04/08/2021 18:17

I think you need to have a good talk with your DP. It might not be as easy as you think, if you split up.

Original poster

Iamincrisis · 04/08/2021 18:18

We are both home because I work from home. If I left, DS would stay with me - this has already been confirmed by my health visitor.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 04/08/2021 18:18

Is he a SAHD or just someone who stopped work when he realised you'd provide for him?

Hekatestorch · 04/08/2021 18:19

@Iamincrisis

We are both home because I work from home. If I left, DS would stay with me - this has already been confirmed by my health visitor.

Your health visitor doesn't make that decision.

I am really concerned that you are making a decision to quickly

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/08/2021 18:19

Does he work? I fear if he is main carer he could argue the toss in court. Regardless of what the HVsays.

HollowTalk · 04/08/2021 18:19

What did your HV say about your partner?

Original poster

Iamincrisis · 04/08/2021 18:19

He lost his job two months ago, my son is in nursery three days a week - so I wouldn't really call him a SAHD when he just sits on his phone lounging around

OP posts:

Original poster

Iamincrisis · 04/08/2021 18:20

My HV thinks he is lazy and unsupportive

OP posts:

PinkiOcelot · 04/08/2021 18:20

What do you mean, confirmed by your health visitor? I don’t think that’s written in stone OP.

intothewoodss · 04/08/2021 18:20

Your health visitor isn't an expert on legal matters, so not sure why they've overstepped by telling you that. You don't know for certain that you would get weekends free, you would have to negotiate all that with your ex.

Don't stay in a relationship that you aren't happy in OP. But go into it with your eyes open.

Candydreamer · 04/08/2021 18:21

if your partner is not supportive and is causing you to feel bad about your life then of course you can and should leave. have you spoken to him about his attitude?

Pissinthepottyplease · 04/08/2021 18:21

If your DP is a SAHP then he would get at least 50% access if not more if that’s what he wants.

What’s happening that makes you think splitting up is a good idea? Unless there is abuse splitting up while your in the middle of a mental health crisis is not the best idea.

AlmostSummer21 · 04/08/2021 18:21

Your HV has no say in where your DS would live. None.

Why isn't DP working too?

I haven't read your previous threads, but why are you thinking about leaving your DP?

iklboo · 04/08/2021 18:22

Your HV is overstepping boundaries giving you her opinions. Both on whether your son would stay with you and about your DP.

Original poster

Iamincrisis · 04/08/2021 18:23

so basically i'm trapped

OP posts:

Merryoldgoat · 04/08/2021 18:24

OP - I’ve looked at your other two threads.

You need some proper help and support.

A) Social Services don’t just take children because a parent is having mental health problems

B) If you are suicidal then you need immediate help

C) how I’d your partner untrustworthy? In what way is he unsupportive?

D) have you spoken to your GP?

Your fist priority is to get out of crisis and yourself stabilised. Nothing will help until you do that.

CardiOfDoom · 04/08/2021 18:25

Who does the pick-ups and drop-offs for nursery OP? Just trying to be sure what the HV said is backed up by you being visibly 'main carer' for DS.

Original poster

Iamincrisis · 04/08/2021 18:25

We both go to the pick ups and drop offs

OP posts:

Pissinthepottyplease · 04/08/2021 18:26

Reading your other threads you haven’t talked to your DP about how you are feeling. You need to speak to him about what is happening and tell him that you need to step up. You also need to get mental health support.

Dntevenknowit · 04/08/2021 18:27

My honest opinion as someone who suffers with her own mental health is don't make rash decisions when you’re unwell. Focus on your health and then re-evaluate when feeling well again.

Merryoldgoat · 04/08/2021 18:27

@Iamincrisis

We both go to the pick ups and drop offs

Why?

AJGranny · 04/08/2021 18:28

If he's only been out of work for two months I don't think he's got much chance of being recognised as a 'stay at home dad'.

Original poster

Iamincrisis · 04/08/2021 18:30

We both go because he drives and I go with him because I like to say goodbye to my DS

OP posts:

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