To think that opening someones will before they're dead is outrageous?

[Periodly]

My Dad was in end of life hospice type care and a very short time before he died, my sister and her husband went into his house, opened his filing cabinet, took his will, opened it and then went into the hospital and asked him if he wanted to change it.

My Dad said he felt completely violated and was very distressed. He died shortly after this.

Their justification was that a few years prior to this he had had a severe mental health episode and may have written the wrong will.

In my mind, at the point of his death he was pretty much in sound mind and any question over his affairs couldve been had without this violation.

I have been told that my anger over this is unreasonable. That I am unreasonable and this was a reasonable thing to do.

I would share your anger. When my MIL passed away quite suddenly on the day she died my SIL (not her daughter), removed all of my MILs jewellery. It was never seen again, and was never discussed with my DH. There is something about inheritance which brings out the worst in people.

Oh your poor Dad.

Of course he felt violated.

Had there been a very gentle sensitive questioning about whether he was content that his affairs were in order and would he like his daughters to check anything: fine.

The very fact that he felt violated shows how insensitive he was. M

There he was, dying , helpless and with no control, and his home rummaged through with the obvious intention of securing their money.

Awful.

Let's give her the benefit of the doubt for a second and assume she had his best interests at heart. She could have spoken to one of the nurses, told her about his episode and writing a will then and asked her to gently talk to her dad and ask whether his affairs were in order. I know a MacMillan nurse spoke to my dad about all that when he was near the end. They are trained to handle very difficult situations.

But now that's made me think - how did she know the date of the will without actually opening the will? Did she see the will, not much like it and then approach him?

She sounds someone best avoided, OP.

A PP remarked they got chatting to crematorium staff at a funeral. The crem staff said every few weeks there was a stand up row at a funeral about will/money/inheritance.

I can well believe this. In conversation with an acquaintance once, they remarked that their sibling started an argument about the will/inheritance on the steps of the crematorium chapel as the mourners were filing out after the funeral service had taken place.

I'm surprised he felt so distressed or violated though - it implies that there was something in it that he felt ashamed of or uncomfortable with.

Rubbish.
He was approaching death and they acted as if he'd already died by going into his house, and his desk, and opening his will.

As the OP said, they could have just asked him without doing that .

@plodalong12

I really don’t see the big deal about this. Surely it is better to look at a will beforehand just in case there is something in there that can’t be changed once the person is gone.

Setting about someone's house, looking for personal documents, without their permission and while they're dying in hospital is one thing.

Efficient, level headed, cold blooded, call that what you like.

However, to open the will, decide you don't like the contents and stand over the dying man, asking if it's 'right' and does he want to change it in their favour, is outright psychopathic.

That's the big deal, here.

That's also happening to a relative of mine at the moment. They've gone into a residential home, offspring has ransacked the house looking for money and valuables (and has taken both)and the will. Offspring doesn't like the contents of the will so has appointed a solicitor to get it changed, and is bullying the vulnerable relative at least twice a day by phone. Relative will change the will because they are frightened by the bullying and want it to stop. I've informed both social services and the solicitor that the relative is being bullied, but neither are interested, as they say the relative has capacity to make their own decisions. I don't benefit from the will before or after, but the abuse is shocking.

Iamnotavicar wow. Wow. Imsosorry to read this. I dont understand at what point peoples greed overtakes their humanity or whether they were deficient in morals and ethics in the first place.

It's horrible. Good that you have tried to report it. So wrong.

In the words of Lauren Hill 'Where is the Love' (or respect or dignity etc)

@Gingernaut
Setting about someone's house, looking for personal documents, without their permission and while they're dying in hospital is one thing.

Efficient, level headed, cold blooded, call that what you like.

However, to open the will, decide you don't like the contents and stand over the dying man, asking if it's 'right' and does he want to change it in their favour, is outright psychopathic.

That's the big deal, here.

Wow, talk about over dramatic.