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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It is my birthday next week, would a meal in a decent restaurant be too much to hope for?

43 replies

frisee · 28/11/2007 13:25

Affordability is not an issue and my cousin has offered to babysit. We have not been out for an evening together in 2 years - other than a work Christmas do last year.

OP posts:
nimnom · 28/11/2007 13:55

YANBU - book the restaurant, make sure it's in his diary and buy yourself a new frock!!

talktothebees · 28/11/2007 13:57

YANBU. What makes you think you might be?

Iklboo · 28/11/2007 13:57

Book it! And the pamper day, and the new frock, taxis there and back, aperitifs, wine, brandies the works
Whereabouts do you live?

lilolilmanchester · 28/11/2007 13:59

book it! twas my bd last week and my DH cooked me bangers and mash, then kept his usual weekly "date" with a mate (on the basis that we were going away for the weekend - totally unrelated to my bd!). Should have booked the bloody restaurant! DO IT (and what Iklboo said!)

WaynettaSlob · 28/11/2007 14:06

Book it - I have realised that if I left it to DH we would never go out anywhere, so am happy to book the restaraunts etc, even if he should be the one organising it (cue violin moment: last year on my birthday I bought my own cake.....DH was v late at work so I MADE my DS1 (who was 3) sing happy birthday to me before we could eat it!!!)

Original poster
frisee · 28/11/2007 14:34

OH thank goodness. I was beginning to feel like a spoilt brat. The thing is, I don't want to book it. I want him to book it and arrange it. I want to be wooed. I want a bit of romance. Also do you think a cookery book is a suitable present for your nearest and dearest? That's what I got last year.

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 28/11/2007 14:38

ffs
you have not been out for 2 years?!?!?!

Right
you need to sort this out. Call him and say I know we have neglected our personal social life for the past 2 years, well I have decided to re-ignite it and you can help me by sorting somewhere nice out for dinner for my bday, I feel like I need pampering a bit. I will sort everything else out (ie babysitter). Also pls could I have a slightly more romantic/thoughtful present this year. Thank you. MWAH

sandyballs · 28/11/2007 14:39

God he sounds like my DH. It does bug me that I have to do all the arranging. Have you given him lots of hints about this restaurant?

I'm 40 next April and I was chatting to Dh at the weekend saying how much I would love to see Billy Elliott at the theatre, just the two of us, and then go out for a lovely posh meal afterwards. His reply was that as it was a Monday he would be at college until 9 and therefore couldn't celebrate it . Surely one night of college could be missed.

CountessDracula · 28/11/2007 14:39

(what I am trying to say is he is not a mind reader. If you sit there wishing he would do stuff and not telling him that breeds resentment and is not fair on him as how on earth does he know you are thinking this?)

Original poster
frisee · 28/11/2007 14:52

We booked a restaurant last year but it was cancelled as he had a cold. A bad one. He said we would do it another time but never mentioned it again. I did several times. To no avail. I am not really a complainy type (not a doormat either) but it is depressing to feel so uncared for. He was married before - he once bought his ex-wife an electric toothbrush for her birthday. I rolled around the floor laughing when he told me that - as in idiot how can he have got it so wrong. And here we are.

OP posts:
beeper · 28/11/2007 16:47

Hmm would personally be pleased with an electric toothbrush.

One can never pay enough attention to ones dental hygiene.

Elasticwoman · 28/11/2007 16:57

I bought my dh an electric toothbrush for his birthday. He seemed pleased with it. Was he just being polite?

Original poster
Frisee · 28/11/2007 17:08

Countessdracula - Agree about the second guessing thing. I do try and be suggestive - perhaps not in the way he would like though. Even if it was not requested, the offer of a night out every couple of years is surely not beyond any bloke.

OP posts:
Original poster
Frisee · 28/11/2007 17:09

AN electric toothbrush is a supermarket purchase - it is not a gift. Dental hygiene and gift do not sit well together.

OP posts:
beeper · 28/11/2007 17:09

Elastic--yeah I bet he was pleased with it..electric toothbrushes are one of those things that you can never justify buying yourself.

I generally am pleased with any gifts I get.

Oh for our wedding someone bought us a teddy bear shaped cookie jar dressed up as a band leader, when you took the lid off you could smell the cookies that had been inside lol.

fireflyfairy2 · 28/11/2007 17:11

I'd be happy with the toothbrush.. and the cookbook.. and for my birthday this year I have requested a set of saucepans

And I am so not the Martha Stewart type!

Book your own meal, tell him you're going.. simple

beeper · 28/11/2007 17:12

Why is a electric toothbrush not a gift...sheesh, some peoples self esteem is caught up in the gifts that their husbands give them.......has it all got to be sexy undies and body chocolate...

Original poster
Frisee · 28/11/2007 17:28

If someone really wanted an electric toothbrush but didn't have one then it would be a really good present.

OP posts:
Swedes2Turnips1 · 28/11/2007 18:40

It is my birthday today. I have been offered: the opportunity to make home-made pizza, a trip to Pizza Express, a take-away pizza express pizza bonanza for the whole family from Waitrose. I have declined all of these exciting opportunities, preferring instead to flick through Country Life with my glass of champagne. DP has just gone to "make pasta".

Elasticwoman · 28/11/2007 19:09

Twenty something years ago my dh bought me a pair of hiking boots for Christmas. My boss expressed shock and dismay, saying dh should have bought me sexy undies or perfume. I still have the boots; not sure my boss's idea of a good present would have lasted so long.

Dh uses the toothbrush every day. He has yet to open the bottle of Hennessy Cognac I also gave him.

Smithagain · 28/11/2007 19:18

If he's anything like my DH, it would just not occur to him to suggest a meal out. So you have to decide whether you want to:
(a) state very clearly that you wish to go out for your birthday, you have sorted out a babysitter and where does he wish to take you. Do not take no for an answer.

OR

(b) sit at home on the night of your birthday, resenting the fact that you have not gone out, because he didn't think of it.

I know it's not very romantic, organising your own treat - but at least you get it - and you can make sure the atmosphere is right for being pampered when you actually get to the restaurant.

And if being out as a couple helps to open up lines of communication (which it may well do), make sure you include the line "I'd like to do this more often"!

Swedes2Turnips1 · 28/11/2007 19:53

A gift of toothbrush or hiking boots against a backdrop of not going out together for an evening for over two years might be different. You get away with cutting corners when other things are at ease.

Swedes2Turnips1 · 28/11/2007 19:55

Smithagain - why should the person with the birthday have to organise their own treat. Why can't the non-birthday person (it matters not what way round the sexes are in this) organise it. It is only once yearly after all.

Elasticwoman · 28/11/2007 19:59

Very true Swedes. Dh took me away for romantic short break this month for our wedding anniversary = his idea, he booked it.

OP can you get your mil/sil/other to suggest it to your dh, so that he thinks HE thought of it? Or ask dh an open question like "What are we doing on my birthday then?" and if he still doesn't get it, "to celebrate". Do you make a fuss of him on his birthday? If so, you could remind him casually about that wonderful birthday cake you baked him, or annual bj (oops, who said that?)...

Swedes2Turnips1 · 28/11/2007 20:15

Elasticwoman - Would it have been the same if you had booked it and organised it?

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