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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ABIU or CFs?

41 replies

Thinkpad21 · 04/08/2021 06:58

Ok so this has been bugging me for a day or two now, but AIBU or are they CFs?
So background first...
Good friends with my brother & his partner. Recently due to my husbands DIY skills and business we have helped them out around their apartment. New floor down, made them a radiator cover with oak top, gave them and hung an electric mirror in their bathroom ALL FOR FREE. & other small things as neither can DIY.
DH was out money for the flooring and rad cover so not impressed as they said they'd give something towards, then in the end didn't!

This happened..
DB called in his partners car and DH liked it, took for a spin and unfortunately due to pot hole brust the tyre. DH immediately offers to fix this and calls round, sorts and pays £90 for new tyre.
DB offered but never followed through with "ill give you half sure"

Later on DB partners rang to discuss with DH (mentioning that it was due new tryres-which DH noticed at the time of changing anyway) anyway DH explained the guy didnt have two tyres so only one got changed but hed have gotten two if hed had them(only to see what he said back) and right enough he said hed see how its driving! As in if its not great ill be back for another £90 & new tyre!?

More & more i think about it more things annoy me, like if they call in and stay after tea time and we say lets get a take away they assume we are paying every time - i actually think theyve only bought us twice.!

Def feeling like we are being used abit?!

OP posts:
Idontgiveagriffindamn · 04/08/2021 07:01

Just give them a bill for the flooring.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 04/08/2021 07:03

And if I’ve read it correctly that they want another £90 for a tyre that didn’t burst tell them no and they’re being idiots.

CareBear50 · 04/08/2021 07:04

They are taking you for fools.

Stand up for yourselves and call them pit
Eg oh eyes the receipt for what the flooring cost me. Do you want to pay cash or would you prefer my bank details?

Oh DB you said you'd pay half of the cost of that £90 tyre.....is it easier to pay by cash or bank transfer???

Rinse and repeat.....

Takenoprisoner · 04/08/2021 07:06

Why are you allowing your family to take advantage of your dh? You need to have a word with db.

This is shocking that they do this and the fact you both allow it.
Also, aren't the db and partner even paying for the materials being used in their home, as you say, 'dh was out of money for the flooring and rad cover.'

Holly60 · 04/08/2021 07:07

If they come back for the tyre, just say you’ll subtract it from the cost of the flooring. They are cheeky.

With the take-away - next time say ‘shall we split a takeaway’ and get the money before you order.

I know people like this - close friends, and you just have to be blunt. It feels uncomfortable but it’s the only way if you want to remain friends and not shrivel up with resentment!

NewPapaGuinea · 04/08/2021 07:09

Wow, piss taking CF’s! Even without the favours you’ve done them they are CF’s.

You can also claim for damage caused by potholes from whoever maintains the roads.

Billybagpuss · 04/08/2021 07:10

It’s ok DH you go buy the tyre and I’ll help you fit it.

From here on in just help with the practical things after they’ve bought the materials.

Next time you get takeaway start by saying it’s your turn to pay as we got last time.

ElizaDoolots · 04/08/2021 07:18

CFs, but it’s your brother, surely you can call him out on this? I don’t get why you can’t just be direct with him. Are you not very close?
E.g. ‘you haven’t transferred the money for the flooring yet to DH, it’s £X, can you send it over today please’ or ‘why are you asking DH for another £90 for a second tyre? I don’t get why you would expect him to pay for this DB?’

Singlebutmarried · 04/08/2021 07:20

If he was about to replace the tyres anyway then that’s possibly got some bearing on the failed tyre.

Present them with a bill for the flooring/oak rad cover and ask them how they’d like to settle that once the cost of tyre (£45 that was agreed with DB) has been accounted for.

Original poster
Thinkpad21 · 04/08/2021 07:21

Sorry shouldve said they bought the flooring, but DH fitted it along with his apprentice and used his tools. He was out pocket in fuel, and a blade at £70/80 as it needed to be replaced before using the table saw again as the floor had ruined the teeth.. as they didnt pay for the the floor to be fitted it cost him money in the end rather than made any! 🤷‍♀️

@NewPapaGuinea they are applying for this! So this also annoys me as they will claim the money back and DH wont see a penny! Also going to chance their arms as the shock has been playing up so trying to get refunded for that too!
(So yeah that tyre didnt stand a chance in the first place!?)

What annoys is they shouldve realised that weve done the above all recently and just said its our car we will pay for the tyre, couldve happened anytime etc... As if it had been our car we'd never expect someone to pay for it! Esp knowing its due new ones anyway?!

OP posts:
Singlebutmarried · 04/08/2021 07:22

Also assuming a nice car if it’s one that catches your eye. In my experience of such cars getting a tyre for £90 (am assuming a quick type car) is a bloody bargain. My quick golf was £180 a corner for the properly rated tyres.

Singlebutmarried · 04/08/2021 07:24

Jeeze. Reading your update and the shock was knackered then I would say that has more bearing than the pothole.

These aren’t cheeky fuckers. They’re grabby fuckers. Or grabby tight fuckers.

So tell them to GTF!

Original poster
Thinkpad21 · 04/08/2021 07:26

@ElizaDoolots I actually thot i was close to my brother, DH has said he has felt used for a while now but didnt want to cause a family fall out.

Im afraid we will look like the bad ones if something is said now tho as we didnt push more at the time...

OP posts:
Takenoprisoner · 04/08/2021 07:29

I hope dh won't be doing any more diy for them. And it's on you to pull your brother up re the tyres.

Also, split the takeaways, every time.

Lostinthemail · 04/08/2021 07:30

I’m quite sure you won’t be good friends as soon as you stop being useful. You and your husband deserve better and should set a hire standard for how people, surely friends, should treat you.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/08/2021 07:30

Even if you don’t want to tackle what’s already happened, you can learn to say no from now on. I’m sure DB will be asking for more favours.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 04/08/2021 07:30

Yes you are but you're letting them. If you don't want to say anything then at least stop doing stuff for free and stop buying takeaways. Beans on toast if they're lucky!

People take the piss if you offer them the piss. You've offered it gift wrapped and on a silk pillow.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 04/08/2021 07:31

Yes they are (taking the piss) that should read

Billybagpuss · 04/08/2021 07:33

Following your updates I don’t think you can do anything about what’s passed but set the boundaries going forward, if he did the flooring presumably he had to pay the apprentice? Big jobs like that should get family discount to cover any wear on the tools etc. I can understand (but not agree with) DH changing the one tyre as he was driving at the time but why the hell should he replace the second one.

Takeaways definitely split cost before ordering.

PissPotPourri · 04/08/2021 07:35

Of course they ABU but also, so was your Dh to begin with not setting expectations clearly. My DH and I are trades and obviously there is always a slight mine field for family and friends. Depending on the “level” of friend, or if a family member, it is always made clear that materials are going to be billed! Essentially you are acting as a charity if not. Materials billed and labour either free or discounted as per above.
I can see your DH was coming from a kind place, but these situations cause resentment or awkwardness and in the vast majority of cases, friends and family are relieved to get a bargain but know they are not taking the piss!

WhoNeedsaManOfTheWorld · 04/08/2021 07:37

You are being taken for mugs. Agree with pp that you won't be so close once you get sick of doing all their DIY.

Marmalady75 · 04/08/2021 07:42

I agree with @Holly60 that you should preface any talk of a takeaway with “Are you treating us to a takeaway? we paid last time” or simply tell them that you were planning to eat X for tea and there isn’t enough for four.

username34512875 · 04/08/2021 07:44

Yanbu for feeling used but yabu for not saying anything. As he’s YOUR brother and not your husbands it’s your job to speak the hell up and stop being taken advantage of. Anyone with any kind of manners wouldn’t keep taking handouts from people. Speak with your brother.

bigbaggyeyes · 04/08/2021 07:54

CF of the highest order. They are just trying to get another tyre out of you. I'd not have the nerve to ask considering the amount of DIY you've been doing for them, especially as you've covered the cost of the materials too. They should be giving YOU money.

And if they want the same make/type of tyre they can always order one online

LookItsMeAgain · 04/08/2021 07:55

Just tell them that they owe you £90 for the first tyre and when they are successful in their claim they'll get that money back. Until then, you're out of pocket to that amount and you need to be reimbursed for it. You don't go around gifting £90 to anyone...even family and friends!

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