ABIU or CFs?

[Thinkpad21]

Ok so this has been bugging me for a day or two now, but AIBU or are they CFs?
So background first...
Good friends with my brother & his partner. Recently due to my husbands DIY skills and business we have helped them out around their apartment. New floor down, made them a radiator cover with oak top, gave them and hung an electric mirror in their bathroom ALL FOR FREE. & other small things as neither can DIY.
DH was out money for the flooring and rad cover so not impressed as they said they'd give something towards, then in the end didn't!

This happened..
DB called in his partners car and DH liked it, took for a spin and unfortunately due to pot hole brust the tyre. DH immediately offers to fix this and calls round, sorts and pays £90 for new tyre.
DB offered but never followed through with "ill give you half sure"

Later on DB partners rang to discuss with DH (mentioning that it was due new tryres-which DH noticed at the time of changing anyway) anyway DH explained the guy didnt have two tyres so only one got changed but hed have gotten two if hed had them(only to see what he said back) and right enough he said hed see how its driving! As in if its not great ill be back for another £90 & new tyre!?

More & more i think about it more things annoy me, like if they call in and stay after tea time and we say lets get a take away they assume we are paying every time - i actually think theyve only bought us twice.!

Def feeling like we are being used abit?!

They're CF'ers

At the very least, don't offer any more help with DIY and if they call around at mealtimes remind them that it's their turn to pay for a takeaway.

Gosh what horrible grasping lugnuts. Dont pay them another cent. Ask and follow up on the money promised for the flooring work, and never so much as screw in a lightbulb for them again. Unfortunately their rude and greedy behaviour has killed the goose that laid the golden egg. Don't allow yourself to be used and abused like this, its evident from their behaviour that they have zero respect for you! So you have to respect yourself and start saying NO!

You only need toalk to your DB and tell him some home truths.

Be factual and tell him his behaviour is unpleasant and threatens your familial relationship.

Then run as I doubt you'll recognise the person he suddenly morphs into! You'v enever noticed before as you've never been useful to him or brooked him. Now your DH is/could be both you'll see it and it won't be pleasant.

Of course you could just carry on letting him use you and your DH, for the sake of family relationships!

You're being royally used.

Any decent person would have factored in all the favours and said "no don't worry about it". They would also have fallen over themselves to pay for the takeaways.

You've wised up though, so make sure your DH does not one more thing for them. They've repaid your generosity by taking the piss and showing not an ounce of gratitude.

Im afraid we will look like the bad ones if something is said now tho as we didnt push more at the time...

Oh Jesus yet another mug! OP they're taking the piss. Get a backbone and send them an invoice for the work DH.

And no more takeaways for them!

Rather than feel silently aggrieved , just text your brother outright and say how exactly much to transfer for the floor installation? Money for the apprentice and to replace the saw? Maybe he just doesn’t realise and you are fuming because you are too shy to tell him exactly how much you are out of pocket by. Considering how much installation normally costs , a reasonable person wouldn’t mind!

Do you want to borrow my car for a spin - I need 4 new tyres

YADNBU but I feel you are enabling them. Stop it now.

Re the tyre, no, your DH caused the damage and needed to pay.

One tyre not both.

Regarding DIY, you / DP need to decide what you are comfortable with. If there are costs that leave you out of pocket, clearly ask them to pay.

I can't stand this inner angst rather than saying it straight out. Yes, they should be thanking you / offering recompense themselves, but if they don't, just say clearly.

Is he a younger brother?

I only ask because even now in his 50s one of my brothers still acts like a little boy expecting to have others pay for him when in a family setting. He isnt the youngest but is younger brother. He was most put out when at a family gathering DM asked him to get her and me a drink from the bar (I was doing all the driving, a few hundred miles). He hesitated for a moment as though expecting DM to give him the cash!

You can't do much about the past and will only look petty if you raise it now but you can change your stance going forward. If they turn up at tea time and say let's get a takeaway, refuse and say you're a bit short so unless they are paying for it you'll just rustle up something for dh and yourself. Keep it on loop. If they still end up staying, either eat tea later or offer up toast.

If they need help, your dh is busy. Repeat and repeat until they get the idea.

“Yeah you get the tyre and we’ll pay you back”
And then don’t .. as they haven’t paid you back.

Stop letting them take the piss - after the first few times of allowing it, their CF'ery is kind of on you. 🤷‍♀️

He is my older brother, theyve no kids. He is off on paid leave atm and his DP works FT. As does DH and I.

As pp have said, no point causing a drama over something thats already been done as the time for saying has passed.. but we will definitely stop now. No more DIY work or the sort anymore. We arent working to fund them!

Once they realise it will be interesting to see how often they call round eh?

Yes - tell them if they ask how much its cost you to date and you can't keep spending at that rate