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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be taking precautions re covid during pregnancy?

89 replies

pearlsandpetals · 03/08/2021 13:08

Hi all I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with my first. Where I live covid cases are still quite high and I haven't had the vaccines yet (personal choice, would rather wait). I am anxious about getting covid whilst pregnant and have told family and friends I'm going to be avoiding mixing unnecessarily and being as careful as possible. Unfortunately I feel like my partner's family don't really understand this and seem to think I'm being paranoid or over reacting because the rest of society seems to be getting back to normal. MIL said that a big group of family members are visiting next week and she expects us (me and OH) to be there as they will all want to see us, but I don't feel comfortable with me currently being unvaccinated and pregnant. Are my OH's family right in that I'm being paranoid and ridiculous? Please can we keep the vaccine in pregnancy debate out of this as I am aware of all the evidence but would still rather wait a little longer! Thanks all

OP posts:
eightyfourandahalf · 03/08/2021 13:12

YANBU

even vaccinated people can get covid, and some getting very ill with it.

You'd be bonkers not to be protective of yourself and your baby. If you get sick (with anything) your MIL won't be affected or won't care anyway. If you must pretend you have a migraine or something. You are doing ok.

(MIL sounds already far too opinionated before you even have the baby ,brace yourself when baby arrives!)

LondonOx · 03/08/2021 13:12

YABU to not get the vaccine and then expect other people to modify their behaviour.

eightyfourandahalf · 03/08/2021 13:13

@LondonOx

YABU to not get the vaccine and then expect other people to modify their behaviour.
did you bother reading the OP?

She's not stopping anyone from doing anything, she just doesn't want to join.

But YABU to think the vaccine is a magical solution Hmm

Original poster
pearlsandpetals · 03/08/2021 13:17

Thanks @eightfourandahalf as you have said, I'm definitely not stopping other people doing what they want!!

OP posts:
Curlymam88 · 03/08/2021 13:20

You look after you and tell them you're not feeling well or something. Rude of them to try make you go to something you don't want to. I'm also 20weeks pregnant and have chose not to have the vaccine either, ill be doing the same as you avoiding any unnecessary risks.

TheGenealogist · 03/08/2021 13:22

Just get the vaccine.

letsmakethishappen · 03/08/2021 13:31

Best to get the vaccine. Am 20 weeks too I’ve had both doses. Not worth the risk . But hey it’s personal choice after all

SemiFeralDalek · 03/08/2021 14:13

YANBU to not join in and want to continue to be cautious.

YABU to have not had the vaccine.

BumpLoading · 03/08/2021 14:18

It's personal choice to get the vaccine and its also personal choice to avoid social situations that make you uncomfortable op, so YANBU
(Also unvaccinated as 31 weeks pregnant and have chosen to miss large social gatherings)

Jeds55 · 03/08/2021 14:22

Yanbu. I'm 24 weeks and I've only had one vaccine dose so far (due second any day thankfully) so told my partner to tell his mum that no his sister, nephew and step dad can't tag along when his mum comes to our house on a Tues morning to do her regular childcare. I'm still socialising but mostly outdoors and just being sensible.

Tigger85 · 03/08/2021 14:24

I'm 17 weeks and half vaccinated, I got the first one a month before I became pregnant, it was astra zenaca and seeing as it's linked to blood clots and no longer given to under 40s I declined the second one. I have had two losses and don't want to jeprodise this pregnancy. I have been rescheduled to be vaccinated in February after I have had my baby assuming we make it to term this time. I am also taking precautions by carrying on with social distancing, mask wearing and limiting interactions with others including those who are double vaccinated. I did go to a large family gathering recently but it was outside in a large garden, no one expected me to physically touch anyone else or get too close to others and everyone else was vaccinated.

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/08/2021 14:29

If you don’t want to go to a gathering, don’t go. It’s no different to any other time, just make your excuses and ignore the whining. Nobody has a right to demand your attendance.

I assume that healthy people who have chosen not to be vaccinated aren’t actually as bothered about catching Covid as they like to make out, and I don’t go out of my way to modify my behaviour around them; but I also don’t have any problem with them continuing to choose to put themselves out and stay isolated, it’s no skin off my back.

IcedSpice · 03/08/2021 14:31

@SemiFeralDalek

YANBU to not join in and want to continue to be cautious.

YABU to have not had the vaccine.

I agree with this post - however, I defend your right to be U, but think you should just stay in your house as the advice is for pregnant women to be vaccinated, and you will just be safer if you dont go out at all
Darbs76 · 03/08/2021 14:32

You’re being very sensible. I’m just recovering from Covid still, 3wks on. I’m double jabbed too. I know a few people who have struggled and all being double jabbed. So please don’t take any chances

Wouldyoudothesame · 03/08/2021 14:33

You do what you feel is right to protect yourself and your baby. If you caught Covid at one of these family events you and potento your child would be the ones to suffer....remind your MIL of this fact. Sounds like you need to make your boundaries clear to her. Sorry that you've been put on this position...I'm sure it's the last thing you need to be worrying about right now! Flowers

Dreambigger · 03/08/2021 14:35

Maybe chat with your GP about the vaccine and see if they can alleviate your concerns itd definitely worth getting ..the risks to you are real.

ViaRia · 03/08/2021 14:37

Has MIL actually said that she ‘expects you to be there’? Or is it that she has invited you and you feel obliged to attend?

If she said that she expects you to attend, then I think that is the core issue (not COVID/ vaccine/your caution).

If you just feel obliged (perhaps due to some subtle hints and attempted persuasion from MIL) then just do what you prefer to do and stop worrying about it. A simple “we’re sorry we can’t make it” should be enough.

BeastOfBODMAS · 03/08/2021 14:37

YANBU to be cautious- think of it as good practice for setting your personal boundaries for when your baby is here.

It’s not really fair for people to jump on you as it takes best part of 3 months to be fully protected even if you did want to have the vaccine tomorrow!

I’ve had the first dose and will be 32 weeks by the time I’ve had the second and waited the 3 weeks for it to take effect. So I am being very cautious, limiting socialising to outdoors.

I suppose one of the good things about pregnancy is the vast potential to invent a random ailment to get out of unwanted social occasions. Maybe your back has gone, or you’re being sick or just can’t today?

WhiskersPete · 03/08/2021 14:38

Oh for goodness sake. The risk to you and your baby from covid far outweighs the risk from the vaccine. Covid is scientifically proven to be even more dangerous for women in late pregnancy. There is no evidence that a covid vaccine will harm your baby.

Your lung capacity is going to be massively reduced in later pregnancy. That coupled with covid causing a potential lack of oxygen to your baby is far greater a risk.

And to all those saying don't get it as they have been double jabbed and got it anyway. You would probably have had covid a lot worse without thhw vaccine. You could even be dead. Just get the vaccine.

MissChanandlerBong22 · 03/08/2021 14:38

I assume that healthy people who have chosen not to be vaccinated aren’t actually as bothered about catching Covid as they like to make out, and I don’t go out of my way to modify my behaviour around them

I assume she’s opted not to have the vaccine while pregnant because she’s concerned about having it while pregnant, not because she’s not actually worried about catching Covid.

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/08/2021 14:44

@MissChanandlerBong22

I assume that healthy people who have chosen not to be vaccinated aren’t actually as bothered about catching Covid as they like to make out, and I don’t go out of my way to modify my behaviour around them

I assume she’s opted not to have the vaccine while pregnant because she’s concerned about having it while pregnant, not because she’s not actually worried about catching Covid.

If you’re not vaccinated then it means that you’ve chosen to accept the risk of covid above the risk of something else. Which is fine, as long as you don’t expect others to change their behaviour to accommodate your particular priorities. Which the OP doesn’t have to do, she can decline the invitation and stay at home, just as she could in any other given year covid or no covid. She can be too tired, or not in the mood, or have raging diarrhoea.
Italiandreams · 03/08/2021 14:48

It’s your choice. I had the vaccine as my circumstances mean I had no way to isolate in pregnancy ( teacher , already have a toddler, husband key worker). I read lots and came to the conclusion that the science suggests no reason the vaccine should effect the baby and we know catching Covid , but that is my personal decision and it’s not up to anyone to tell you what to do. If you are isolating it shouldn’t effect anyone else.

Sciurus83 · 03/08/2021 14:49

Sorry you are getting a hard time. I am 23 weeks and have chosen to be vaccinated, had my second last week and am looking forward to a wedding next weekend, I definitely felt.this was the right choice for me and was confident after reading the research that it was the way i wanted to go. But I also completely understand why you would be anxious as the messaging has been so mixed, even as someone who was completely sure what I wanted to do i found a lot of primary healthcare practitioners up until very recently have been reluctant to advise which is quite unsettling. If I had chosen not to have the vaccine I would absolutely not be socialising at big events. Do chat to your midwife about it, and your anxieties as an unvaccinated person and the world opening up. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

CoralFish · 03/08/2021 14:55

YANBU to take the most sensible precaution and get vaccinated.

yikesanotherbooboo · 03/08/2021 14:57

You should be cautious re Covid which is rampant at the moment while you are especially vulnerable . I don't understand why your family aren't supportive .
Talk to your midwife or GP about the vaccine . It is safer to have the vaccine than not particularly in your vulnerable situation.

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