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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To delete the whole lot ?

39 replies

adustinginaugust · 03/08/2021 10:42

Of partners family off my social media ? I've had 5 people from his family delete me, all for absolutely pathetic reason, his brothers wife said it was because I wasn't family or a close friend, his uncle said because I didn't like his posts about tractors, both his cousins because I put up a post that I'd never put my mum in a nurseriing home ( my mum has suffered with anxiety all her life and this is a personal choice no offence meant to anyone ) and his brothers ex because at the time they were together I kept in touch with his other ex due to her having a baby with partners brother! My messages quite often get ignored when I ask how they are etc I've been left off family group chats ( the brothers partners have always been included ) this was for announcements like their engaged or having a baby etc, I've always joined everyone in on our special news etc, they are never interested in getting together unless it's their birthday then they're all over us otherwise they don't bother. would I be unreasonable to delete them all of my sm and leave it there ? I've not been treated fairly by them in the past
Mil is due to come soon and the stress it's causing me is horrible, I feel sick clammy every time she comes Aibu to cut them all off ?

OP posts:
AdoptedBumpkin · 03/08/2021 10:44

Personally, I wouldn't blame you for deleting them all.

The bit about tractors cracked me up Grin

Original poster
adustinginaugust · 03/08/2021 10:45

@AdoptedBumpkin same here! I did think - could you not have come up with a better reason !! Fwiw I actually like tractors

OP posts:
WithLoveFromMyselfToYourself · 03/08/2021 10:46

Your nursing home comment was massively insensitive and cloth-eared but the uncle’s offence at your failure to like his tractor posts is pure gold.

I’d get rid as it seems to be causing you stress and discord within the family.

AdoptedBumpkin · 03/08/2021 10:46

He sounds incredibly self absorbed (and weird). Actually, they all do.

Mamamia7962 · 03/08/2021 10:47

Yes just delete them, it all sounds really petty and too much hard work.

Original poster
adustinginaugust · 03/08/2021 10:47

I do understand the comment may have caused offence but surely you wouldn't block " family " because of it surely you'd scroll and ignore

OP posts:
Poptart4 · 03/08/2021 10:48

YANBU to delete anyone you want.

But would the fall out from deleting them be more hassell than its worth?

Could you just unfollow them instead?

Original poster
adustinginaugust · 03/08/2021 10:49

@Poptart4 no different to them deleting me if you know what I mean, they don't bother with us unless it suits, I've never had a message to ask how we are despite me asking them how they are so me deleting them wouldn't be any loss for them

OP posts:
SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 03/08/2021 10:53

I’d probably delete them from my life never mind social media. 🤷🏻‍♀️
Although I don’t know why you’re posting stuff about your mum and care homes, it’s private surely. I don’t really do much social media, Facebook is just a lot of people seeking attention. 😬

Skyla2005 · 03/08/2021 10:53

Delete whoever you like but why put such personal info for everybody to see keep things to yourself

Ozanj · 03/08/2021 10:54

Just delete them.

Original poster
adustinginaugust · 03/08/2021 10:54

@SupermanWithTheGreyHair I don't know why I put it up it was a meme or whatever they're called it's just a joke my sister and I have I posted it didn't mean to cause offence and I've seen a lot worse on there

OP posts:
SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 03/08/2021 10:59

I've seen a lot worse on there

Oh, there’s definitely worse, I agree. 🤣 But people always want to argue, take offence, feel superior etc...it’s just a recipe for fallouts. I don’t use Facebook, my partner deleted his. I prefer to choose my ‘audience’ more carefully if I’m discussing anything really. Just delete, it keeps things simple. Wink

MsHedgehog · 03/08/2021 11:09

The comment about the care home sounds like you were making a not so subtle point / dig so understand why they would delete you.

The others, they’re just being petty.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 03/08/2021 11:27

I think you need to start posting tractor pictures and news.

Also, haven't you posted about this before?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/08/2021 11:33

Why is the care home thing a dig? Or are posters here also responding to the implied criticism?

People use FB in so many different ways. Just block them. Life's too short to double think yourself every fucking time!

M4J4 · 03/08/2021 11:38

both his cousins because I put up a post that I'd never put my mum in a nurseriing home ( my mum has suffered with anxiety all her life and this is a personal choice no offence meant to anyone )

I wouldn't put my mum in a nursing home either but I would never say that on Facebook!

When you make such a statement on social media, there is implicit judgement about anyone who does put their parents in a nursing home, even if unintended.

Sounds like you just don't get on so yes, delete them all.

MsHedgehog · 03/08/2021 12:02

@CuriousaboutSamphire

Why is the care home thing a dig? Or are posters here also responding to the implied criticism?

People use FB in so many different ways. Just block them. Life's too short to double think yourself every fucking time!

Not at all. I also wouldn’t put my mum in a care home...but by making such an outright statement on Facebook, what is OP trying to achieve? Look at me, I’m better than you because I wouldn’t consider it? That’s how it comes across.

Also, it’s very possible there have been discussions about putting MIL in a care home, hence why the brothers took offence.

MindyStClaire · 03/08/2021 12:04

If anyone from their family (or their inlaws) has been in a care home that was a hugely insensitive thing to put on FB.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 03/08/2021 12:07

Yes the nursing home post was foolish. Posting anything controversial is going to piss someone off. And besides, why post? The sub text is that anyone who does use a nursing home is inferior so yes, very foolish post.

SparrowNest · 03/08/2021 12:07

Yeah, the care home thing sounds like implied criticism of anyone who does. I can see why people would take offence if they have close family in care homes. The rest of it sounds like nonsense. Did the care home falling out come first? It’s possible they took against you then and the other things are just excuses.

At the same time, I don’t think it’s worth expending much mental energy trying to figure it out. It’s clear you don’t particularly get on or spend much time with them anyway, if it makes you feel better to have them off Facebook then go for it. The only argument against that I can think of is if it would make life hard for your partner, or if he strongly objects.

Pinkdelight3 · 03/08/2021 12:08

That tractor post rings a bell from a previous thread so am sure there's a much bigger story here, but delete them all if you like. SM is rife for misunderstandings and your insensitivity (re care home) and their sensitivity is a bad combination.

DeathStare · 03/08/2021 12:10

Different people use social media differently. For some people deleting/blocking someone is a big deal and something that would signify a massive falling out. Other people delete/block all the time if they just aren't interested in someone's posts.

Use your social media however you like, but personally I wouldn't delete/block other people because they happen to be related to other people who have done the same to you. I think that risks creating a feud.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/08/2021 12:15

@MsHedgehog I don't get that though.

Yes, I can see pposters explaining that some people would take such umbrage. But I wouldn't choose to read anything into it, especially not that "look at me" stuff.

I can see from many replies here that many people are far far more invested in SM communciatins than I am though.

That's one thing I am happy to be the 'weird odd one out' in!

actorbynight · 03/08/2021 12:23

Why don't you take a break from FB yourself for a few weeks. Honestly I found it so refreshing to do so. Then it's just simply not a problem. You can concentrate on building on those relationships in real life rather than in a virtual world. Likewise if you want to "block" them, it's easy.
Seriously try it. It might make all of the social media issues that are currently messing with your head seem more trivial. Then when you decide to go back on you can subtlety perhaps "unfollow" certain individuals. I'd also be careful about putting up posts regarding nursing homes and elderly parents etc, as that's very emotive and distressing for some