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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to not know how I got herpes type 1?

52 replies

Thisneedstobeannonymous · 03/08/2021 09:56

I have been with my partner for 12 years. I tested positive for genital herpes type one but his blood tests is negative. I have only been with him in the past 12 yrs and it is definitely a new infection. I am just so confused as to how this is possible? He has cheated on me in the past but how is it possible I have it but he doesn't? I just feel so destroyed my world has been turned upside down. I haven't blamed him for it obviously nor has he said I've been unfaithful (which I most definitely haven't) but I just am still struggling with this almost 5 months later. I just don't know how to live with this. And I have done a lot of research and understand how common hsv1 is but I still can help but feel dirty and ashamed how do I get over this?

OP posts:

Hemingwaycat · 03/08/2021 16:02

In all likelihood he has oral herpes (not everyone has an actual coldsore but the virus is still active) and he’s passed it to you that way. Most people have herpes.

Justilou1 · 04/08/2021 02:14

I am wondering if he paid for a doctored STD test. These things happen. I’m sorry.

Chickenyhead · 04/08/2021 02:38

I don't trust his results. Why didn't he go to the same place you did.

If the peice of paper didn't even say what the test was for, his name etc, it's fake, fake, fake.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/08/2021 03:14

He's cheated on you in the past so there's no reason he wouldn't have done so again.

Saoirse82 · 04/08/2021 03:34

It can lie dormant in your immune system for years before you have a flare up, so there's every reason you caught it years ago before you were with him and its only showing up now. It's also much less common to have reoccurrence with HSV1 so you may never get another flare up

maddening · 04/08/2021 08:03

Your blood test was negative and so was his. Has he has swabs done?

gimmenachos · 04/08/2021 08:53

I'm sorry you're going through this - it's really stressful. As others have said, please read up on reputable sources. At GUM clinics they don't do blood tests for herpes because they're often unreliable. The only way to know for sure if someone has herpes is to swab an active sore, so if your partner didn't have active symptoms and no swab it's possible he does have it even with a negative blood result. Herpes can lie dormant for years, so even if it's your first time having symptoms it doesn't mean you've only just acquired it. There's no way of knowing whether you got it from your current partner or someone else in the past. If he's previously cheated I know it's easy to assume it's him, but it might not be. That said, he could still be bullshitting about his tests. I think that's a bigger issue here - it sounds like maybe you still don't trust him and having that trust is fundamental to a good relationship. Good luck, hope you find the help and support you need.

Justilou1 · 04/08/2021 11:24

Can you take his test results to someone and see if they look legit?

Hellen11 · 06/08/2021 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

MidSummersNightmare · 06/08/2021 13:52

I know how you feel. I was diagnosed with hsv1 17 years ago. I’d never had unprotected sex so think it must have been from oral sex but I was never really sure.
Like others have said it can lie dormant for years and be transferred by touching and infected area. However from what you’ve said it seems to be most likely that you’ve caught it from him and he’s not showing as positive for some reason. I tested positive after a swab was taken from a cut down there so I’m wondering if blood tests aren’t as reliable. Hopefully the HVA can help.

Hope you are feeling ok. It does get easier to deal with.

Roses10101 · 08/08/2021 00:13

I have this and have had it for a very long time so I am pretty clued up on the subject . blood tests are really unreliable for HSV which is why the NHS don’t usually do them.

Did you get bloods done on the NHS? As I have been to so many specialists for this over the years and they all refuse to do this.

There can only be two options here

He doesn’t have it and your infection is an old infection that’s just surfaced if this was the case though I’d think you’d have a positive blood test also.

He has got this recently and hasn’t built up enough time to show anti bodies and neither have you which is why both your blood tests are negative as a pp has said it takes 12 weeks to show anti bodies. Also females are more likely to have symptoms than males, so could explain why he is a asymptomatic

maddy68 · 08/08/2021 00:19

I also suffer from this. I take an anti viral every day morning and night. , It prevents transmission and the sores appearing. Insist on this treatment. It works.

HarrysChild · 08/08/2021 07:11

@maddy68

I also suffer from this. I take an anti viral every day morning and night. , It prevents transmission and the sores appearing. Insist on this treatment. It works.

you can’t “insist” on suppression therapy after one outbreak of HSV, especially type 1. Type 1 is significantly less likely to have any recurrences and does not warrant suppression therapy - which is antiviral medication with potentially serious side effects taken long term. Gosh there’s some bad advice on this site sometimes. OP I hope you shelve found support from Herpes Association or your local GU clinic by now.

Roses10101 · 10/08/2021 00:06

Long term anti viral supression doesn’t cause serious side effects when taken long term . I’ve been on it for 4 years I should know. It is perfectly safe to take long term and some ppl take it for life.

Also yes type 1 is less likely to reoccur but that’s not the case for everyone and you can absolutely go on suppression for type 1 many ppl go on it for cold sores which primarily is type 1.

But PP is right you can’t demand suppressive therapy you have to have a certain amount of outbreaks before they will prescribe

Howshouldibehave · 10/08/2021 00:10

His test was private as well so can only assume its more accurate than the docs one

Why did he go for a private test? Where did he get it?

I wouldn’t imagine it would be any more accurate than a GP one.

HarrysChild · 10/08/2021 09:17

@Roses10101

Also yes type 1 is less likely to reoccur but that’s not the case for everyone and you can absolutely go on suppression for type 1 many ppl go on it for cold sores which primarily is type 1.

But PP is right you can’t demand suppressive therapy you have to have a certain amount of outbreaks before they will prescribe

i said potential side effects, not everyone will have them. You wouldn’t find any ethical prescriber willing to issue suppression after one outbreak of type 1 hsv

WillowGrand · 10/08/2021 09:23

Blood tests aren’t accurate so I cant understand your Dr saying it’s a new infection. Most of the adult population have herpes type 1 and about 25% type 2 you could have had it forever, it’s unlikely he doesn’t. (And to PP they are both interchangeable HSV2 can pass orally too).

The tests are bollocks, I really wouldn’t beat yourself up it’s ridiculously common only made big news when pharma companies discovered there was money to be made…

WillowGrand · 10/08/2021 09:26

@HarrysChild you can insist, particularly because the stigma (which is ridiculous) causes serious MH strain, far more than the actual virus causes symptoms.
I went on them for a year as it was picked up post rape and I wanted to kill myself. Still do every now an then for what is in essence a skin condition that doesn’t harm me!

HarrysChild · 10/08/2021 09:29

[quote WillowGrand]@HarrysChild you can insist, particularly because the stigma (which is ridiculous) causes serious MH strain, far more than the actual virus causes symptoms.
I went on them for a year as it was picked up post rape and I wanted to kill myself. Still do every now an then for what is in essence a skin condition that doesn’t harm me![/quote]
HSV is a horrible virus which causes massive MH impact for many people, and I am really sorry to hear about your circumstances that is horrendous. But you can’t “insist” or “demand” medication that isn’t clinically indicated, it is up to the prescriber if they feel it’s appropriate.

vivainsomnia · 10/08/2021 09:31

Are swabs 100% accurate? Could it be a false positive? Also always the, albeit very rare but not impossible- option that there's been a mishandling of the swab and identity confusion.

WillowGrand · 10/08/2021 10:15

But you can. They just don’t have to say yes. Luckily mine did.

Howshouldibehave · 10/08/2021 10:22

@WillowGrand

But you can. They just don’t have to say yes. Luckily mine did.

That’s just asking, then

BackAwayFatty · 10/08/2021 10:25

When I was diagnosed I was told there is no blood test & they only way of getting a positive result is through the ulcers being swabbed.

It can lay dormant & so your partner may also have it and be in remission/not in a flare up.

Ivytheterrible1 · 10/08/2021 10:28

I don't know how it happened, but my gut instinct says he gave it to you. I'd be inclined to think its a dodgy test. Sorry OP.

L-Lysine. Miracle worker.

Amima · 10/08/2021 10:35

The good news is that if you get HSV1 genitally it rarely recurs. You’re unlikely to have repeat episodes.

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