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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave teen at home whilst we day trip

51 replies

slipperandleggings · 03/08/2021 08:47

We aren't going away this year (missed the boat with a uk holiday- all sold out now) so have decided to do some decent day trips. Sat down the kids yesterday (I have 2 DDs aged 15 and 13) and asked them for ideas of what they want to do.
My 15 year old Dd has announced she doesn't fancy any of them and would rather just stay home when we go off.
DH was all "okay, whatever you want"
I know we can't force her but im more of the thinking that we should strongly insist she comes...

Just wondered what everyone else's views and experiences of this is..

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/08/2021 08:48

Why insist? What will you get out of dragging someone somewhere they dont want or have to be?

Leave her at home and bring a friend for the 13yo.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 03/08/2021 08:48

Why not??

Datingandnoideahowto · 03/08/2021 08:50

I wouldn’t strongly insist at 15. I’d just leave them at home. A grumpy teen will be a pain on the day anyway.

kowari · 03/08/2021 08:52

Depends if she gets out of the house doing her own thing or not. I try to insist my 15 year old comes out with me as he just reads and watches and games otherwise (still has plenty of time for these things if he comes out). His sport has stopped until September so I don't think it's healthy.

Lipsandlashes · 03/08/2021 08:53

Fifteen or five? Why wouldn’t you leave a fifteen year old home alone? In a year she could move out if she wanted to.

VainAbigail · 03/08/2021 08:53

What’s your reason behind “strongly insisting”?

kowari · 03/08/2021 08:54

What will you get out of dragging someone somewhere they dont want or have to be?
For me it's like cooking them a healthy dinner rather than letting them eat what they want like they will as a uni student. They are still young and need to form good habits.

CandyLeBonBon · 03/08/2021 08:55

Nah. Just leave her at home! Why create extra stress?

Reallybadidea · 03/08/2021 08:55

I think it depends on your 15 yo. Mine would say the same but with a small amount of persuasion will come and have a nice time. If yours will need a big row and then make everyone miserable on the day, then it's not worth it IMO. As ever, pick your battles.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/08/2021 08:55

@kowari

What will you get out of dragging someone somewhere they dont want or have to be? For me it's like cooking them a healthy dinner rather than letting them eat what they want like they will as a uni student. They are still young and need to form good habits.
Can still be done without insisting on coming on family day outs.
ILiveInSalemsLot · 03/08/2021 08:56

I’d bribe or insist 15 too. Especially if she’s not going out much.

freelions · 03/08/2021 08:56

I would not insist on a 15yo joining you, been there, done that and it is likely she will moan all day and spoil it for the rest of you

If there are any places that she does fancy visiting then I would definitely try to include some days out to places that she does want to go

ButcherBaker · 03/08/2021 08:57

I’d probably try and compromise and say ok stay at home for one but come with us for the other?

Agree tho taking reluctant teens out is a right royal PITA

Original poster
slipperandleggings · 03/08/2021 08:57

Reason is much like above, she just won't get out and about otherwise- she doesn't hang out with her friends out of school and is reluctant to have anyone round...but I definitely agree that I wouldn't drag her along if she really didn't want to be there.
I suppose I was still thinking she may have a good time once out and about.
She tends to avoid anything and everything and I worry she will spend 6 weeks watching films!

OP posts:
HalloHello · 03/08/2021 08:57

I never went anywhere with my family for a day trip after the age of 13 I think! There's nothing worse that a miserable grumpy teen tagging along. Leave her at home! If she feels the FOMO, she'll come next time.

Ifeelmuchlessfat · 03/08/2021 08:58

Your ideas of family days out are going to need reassessment from now on. It’s one of the sadnesses of parenting IMO and no one tells you about it. Slowly they pull away if you’ve done your job properly, and you must smile and wave.

Reallybadidea · 03/08/2021 08:58

@kowari

What will you get out of dragging someone somewhere they dont want or have to be? For me it's like cooking them a healthy dinner rather than letting them eat what they want like they will as a uni student. They are still young and need to form good habits.
I'm not sure what habits you're trying to form, but I don't think what a 15yo does now is necessarily going to be a prediction of what they will be like in adulthood. Lots of teenagers would rather not hang out with their parents.
SprayedWithDettol · 03/08/2021 08:59

She is 15. She won’t have a good time with you I’m afraid. If she wants to watch films for 6 weeks, whilst not ideal, it’s not all that bad in reality. I would ensure she has some daily tasks to give her some structure, but giving her some agency now will really help with her maturing.

bonbonours · 03/08/2021 09:00

I wouldn't make them go somewhere they really aren't interested in, but if it's somewhere I think it's likely they will actually enjoy it once they get there I would insist, especially if they have no plans of their own. Family time is important.

My 15 year old is just starting to be less keen on family activities but is going out with friends instead. She was not very keen on coming to the zoo the other day but actually really enjoyed it in the end.

In the OP scenario I would be asking the teen for suggestions of family days out that they would enjoy.

00100001 · 03/08/2021 09:00

Why not ask her for a suggestion if a day out?

So, you all get to choose a day each, with the understanding that everyone (happily!) attends, even if they wouldn't fancy it normally?

Original poster
slipperandleggings · 03/08/2021 09:01

I certainly asked for suggestions...the only one was shopping Wink

OP posts:
00100001 · 03/08/2021 09:02

@SprayedWithDettol

She is 15. She won’t have a good time with you I’m afraid. If she wants to watch films for 6 weeks, whilst not ideal, it’s not all that bad in reality. I would ensure she has some daily tasks to give her some structure, but giving her some agency now will really help with her maturing.
She might have a good time.

There's loads of stuff I can never be bothered with going to, but go along anyway,and 99/100 will enjoy it anyway.

Mercedes519 · 03/08/2021 09:02

Am in exactly your place OP with a very similar teen who would happily not leave the house unless ‘encouraged’.

I’m insisting today but only today. The rest of the week is his own. I’ve also offered to fund him a meet up with a friend tomorrow - essentially a bribe Grin

As a PP said I know he will enjoy it once we get there as I’ve picked a place with things he likes and a good place for lunch!

I’m not ready to let go of a family day out just yet so changing it gradually…

IdblowJonSnow · 03/08/2021 09:03

Nah, if you trust her, leave her at home. Maybe ask her to come on one of the days out and let her pick which one?

DelphiniumBlue · 03/08/2021 09:06

I found it sometimes works to appeal to their better nature- eg explaining that younger sibling will enjoy it more if they come, that you'd really appreciate their company.
I agree, it's not good for them to sit indoors alone for 6 weeks, and you're right to do what you can to encourage them to come out.