To leave teen at home whilst we day trip

[slipperandleggings]

We aren't going away this year (missed the boat with a uk holiday- all sold out now) so have decided to do some decent day trips. Sat down the kids yesterday (I have 2 DDs aged 15 and 13) and asked them for ideas of what they want to do.
My 15 year old Dd has announced she doesn't fancy any of them and would rather just stay home when we go off.
DH was all "okay, whatever you want"
I know we can't force her but im more of the thinking that we should strongly insist she comes...

Just wondered what everyone else's views and experiences of this is..

Not insist on all trips but definitely some, I have 2 teens and even though they initially protest about going for a walk etc then they come round once you are there and is sometimes best time to talk with them . If you allow them plenty of personal space too. I have friends who have let their teens check out of family life and it is too sad. If you were on holiday you would do stuff together. I'd say alternate and do the shopping trip if she has suggested it.

I wouldn't be insisting at 15 for a family day out. For something like Gran's 80th birthday or similar significant family events, yes, but I don't see the point of spending money on something that someone has said they won't enjoy when they are old enough to know their own mind and can be safely left at home.

That said, I do remember 15 bring a difficult age in the holidays. I was too old for kid stuff, but too young to drive or go to pubs. Too old to get child discounts but too young to earn. A lot of friends had summer jobs, and were busy and but I was a late August birthday and couldn't find anything.

I'd leave her to it, OP. Chances are she will have some kind of job getting her out of the house every summer for the next five decades. If she wants to stay home now, I'd let her.

My 13 year old is quite clear that he would rather rip his toenails out than go on a day out with me 😂

We get on very well, but I just leave him at home. I would not have wanted to go on days out with my folks as a teen.

She’d be coming to some, not all in this house.

How about agreeing to a day shopping abs then seeing how it goes.
Go gently our teens have had a rough ride and there could be loads of reasons why she doesn't really want a day out due to being a bit scared.

Be clever maybe quiet mornings and an afternoon and dinner out - can you head to a beach for a sunset or climb a hill with a nice picnic to watch the sunset, rather than a classic whole day out - those of kind of more unusual things

I agree getting her out for some is super important for part of a day

Also a day / evening out followed by a chill day etc

And make it inclusive and fun so shopping everyone gets£15 to spend on someone else etc with a theme such a blue or to wear to a posh wedding or whatever - competitive and fun

@knackeredmumoftwo
I absolutely love those ideas xx

We did sometimes make DD come with us at that age if she had no other plans and we were going somewhere outdoorsy.
The fresh air and open spaces had a positive effect on her and she never came home regretting coming with us.

I do try to encourage (not force) mine along as she enjoys it when she comes out, even if she doesn't feel like it.
We tend to be sure that the day includes stuff she actually likes. Yesterday that was photo opportunities, shopping opportunities (Paperchase, Lush...) and a drink at a fancy rooftop bar to feel grown up. That was all around the standard day trip bit for the rest of us. Also, food helps if you can afford to tack a dinner out on- get her to research and choose.

I have a friend who is a film maker and cinephile. He would argue that 6 weeks watching films would be time very well spent indeed!

I certainly left my 15 year old on her own for a day and until quite late in the evening. It is natural that they do not want to do everything with parents at that age, and insisting just ruins the day for everyone. The only reason I would not leave her, is if you think she would have a massive party when you were gone. Interestingly for us and for many others, having pushed hard not to go on family days out as teens, my kids now actively push to do family days now that they are in their 20s. I think this is nice... but the cynic in me thinks they might just like us to pay for the day out!

I've just got her to agree to a trip to get a take out Starbucks then go to a local beauty spot to drink it.... this afternoon!
It's a fab start so thanks for your ideas
I'm taking it all on board and agree that little bits are better. Besides, me and DH may get some fun alone for once, or time to really spend with other DD.

@knackeredmumoftwo

How about agreeing to a day shopping abs then seeing how it goes. Go gently our teens have had a rough ride and there could be loads of reasons why she doesn't really want a day out due to being a bit scared.

Be clever maybe quiet mornings and an afternoon and dinner out - can you head to a beach for a sunset or climb a hill with a nice picnic to watch the sunset, rather than a classic whole day out - those of kind of more unusual things

I agree getting her out for some is super important for part of a day

Also a day / evening out followed by a chill day etc

And make it inclusive and fun so shopping everyone gets£15 to spend on someone else etc with a theme such a blue or to wear to a posh wedding or whatever - competitive and fun

Those are really good ideas.

Trudging around all day in the heat can be miserable, even places one might want to visit.

The sunset trip sounds lovely.

I don't think it's worth insisting if she'll ruin the day. Would she come if you invited a friend? What does she enjoy? My 15 year old would go shopping or bowling but most other things are "boring".
If you know she'll enjoy it once she's there try and persuade her. If she'll be in a mood leave her at home. She'll be fine on her own for the day.

I wouldn’t insist on a 15 year old coming on a day out they don’t want to go on. Surely at 15 you can leave her to do her own thing, she doesn’t need everything organised for her.

Possibly invite her to the cinema one evening, I think any age that works. Other than that just leave her to it.

That’s great news OP. My 14.5 year old dd has zero interest in most days out although she does usually enjoy meals out.

It does depend on the child though - my 2 older dds are 20 and 18 and they still enjoy days out with us and always have done. It probably helps that they enjoy sightseeing, history etc which youngest dd has no interest in. I’m hoping she might change when she’s older.

I have 2 sons - 14 and 17, and I leave them to their own devices maybe 90% of the time, but I do ask them to do jobs around the house, I expect them to get some fresh air every day, and I aim that we all eat dinner together at the table. I do think that at 13 and 15, you can ask them to suck it up and come with you every now and then, and I would also ask my boys to plaster on a smile and behave like decent humans while they are it! I say go for it. Character building.

Alot depends on how trustworthy and sensible she is - have left my 15 nrly 16 yr old home alone overnight a couple of times - usually work travel but getting itchy at the thought of a weekend away on our own for the first time in quite alot of years. But she is v sensible not a partier etc enjoys being on her own in the house with dog for company and we are a relatively safe area with at least 5 neighbours she would be happy to approach and ask for help

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz
Can still be done without insisting on coming on family day outs.

Yes, but if you have to push them to do something they don't want to do to get them out of the house regardless then what's the difference? DS doesn't want to leave the house at all.

@ApolloandDaphne

I have a friend who is a film maker and cinephile. He would argue that 6 weeks watching films would be time very well spent indeed!

He'd be wrong...

@Reallybadidea
I'm not sure what habits you're trying to form
Leaving the house for an hour of fresh air once a day. Intentional or incidential exercise. Doesn't have to be with parents, but sometimes they have no interest in doing anything that covers the above.

We aren't going away this year (missed the boat with a uk holiday- all sold out now) no they aren’t, just book a last minute break and have a family holiday.
www.hoseasons.co.uk/holiday-parks/all-regions/?gateway=true&adult=2&child=2&infant=0&nights=7&range=3&pets=0&start=16-08-2021

I just took two teens to a local city and it turns out that the most exciting thing possible was to get a bubble tea!

Once you come home having had a great time she will likely feel more inclined to come.

With our teen DS15 we do stuff together on holiday- a carefully curated list of acceptable to him outings - but don't force him to do everything.
At home he'll rarely come out with us - dog needs walking before he has surfaced- but different scenario as he is out playing football with his friends all day.

This is such an interesting thread. Mine are similar ages and will generally agree to accompany me to various things depending on their mood, but I'm fairly careful about what I suggest these days. I find framing it around food is always a good shout - "we can have lunch at [insert name of place they are keen on] and drop into the exhibition at the museum at the same time]", or drop in something I know they'll be keen on (for one of them, that's a trip to a bookshop, for example). They have just agreed to a trip to a wildlife park next week while visiting their cousins - so I can only assume that anticipatory boredom has got the better of them! I don't tend to plan big day trips so much any more - it's more taking them out for a coffee on a whim that gets them out of the house, or a spur of the moment bike ride.