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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a bathroom

65 replies

Iliula · 03/08/2021 05:45

We are planning to stay with my (new)husband's family in a very rural village in Europe next month. The trouble is they don't have very update facilities and wash using a tap in the yard and there is a hole in the ground in a shed for toilet.
There is a hotel near but my husband says family would be offended if we don't stay with them. How do I menage?

OP posts:

Original poster

Iliula · 03/08/2021 11:36

(Not very) helpfulperson
I'm fully aware of these statistics but this is a case of them simply being too stubborn to upgrade or change which would benefit them too, other family members abroad have offered to fund the installation.
Consequently their stubbornness means less visits from family members from around the world.

OP posts:

WildingFae · 03/08/2021 11:38

I wouldn't go.

Lou573 · 03/08/2021 11:48

If they’re just being stubborn about it I wouldn’t worry about offending them then - just say no thank you, you like plumbing!

queenMab99 · 03/08/2021 11:49

You could hire a motor home with a decent shower and chemical toilet, there must be camping facilities where you can dispose of the waste.

KnightandDay · 03/08/2021 11:58

I'm sorry if I sound like a spoilt brat, but there is no way I'd stay there for two weeks! I don't care what % of the world live without flushing toilets, I don't and I wouldn't.
The motor home suggestion sounds like a good compromise.

Cattitudes · 03/08/2021 12:00

If it is just their stubbornness and someone has offered to pay then it is a little different and I don't see why they can then be offended.

ChaToilLeam · 03/08/2021 12:08

My friend’s parents in Kosovo had this set-up and they were delighted when relatives abroad paid for them to have a proper bathroom, with toilet, sink and shower installed - there were 10 people living in that house (3 generations) and it was a godsend for the elderly parents.

If they have been offered the chance to upgrade and for their family to fund it but have declined it then I think it is reasonable for you to refuse to stay. Or stay a couple of nights but then go to the hotel. If you get your period or a UTI or upset stomach it will be miserable for you.

I visited that family btw, and had a wonderful time - but it would have been a different t experience in that hot hot summer if there had not been a modern bathroom.

Pongo101 · 03/08/2021 12:26

Honestly though the bathroom will be the tip of the ice berg though.

If their mindsets are so different to yours that they would refuse plumbing then you have a lot more surprises in store over the two weeks.

It won't just be the toilet you will have to contend with, trust me.

Terhou · 04/08/2021 18:39

@Iliula

(Not very) helpfulperson I'm fully aware of these statistics but this is a case of them simply being too stubborn to upgrade or change which would benefit them too, other family members abroad have offered to fund the installation. Consequently their stubbornness means less visits from family members from around the world.

In that case I really wouldn't worry about offending them if I were you. They choose not to provide anything approaching reasonable facilities for people visiting them, therefore they really have no right to object if people choose to go to a hotel instead. If your husband had any sense, he'd back you up and explain that to them, and say that if they want people to stay they really need to take up the kind offers that have been made to them.

newnortherner111 · 04/08/2021 18:46

Stay at a nearby hotel, claim you are very fussy about hygiene given some medical condition or Covid 19.

Chloemol · 04/08/2021 19:26

Wouldn’t be doing this, I would expect to stay in a local hotel, with facilities. Can you rent anywhere for the two weeks which might be nearer

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/08/2021 19:33

I would tell husband that I’m staying in the hotel or not going. He’d just have to do without a drink.

I have a toilet anxiety which means I have to go at the very last moment before getting into bed, though. I couldn’t cope with this.

NoMoreCovidPlease · 04/08/2021 21:41

I come from a country where that is normal in rural areas. Both myself and family members who live in the same country but in cities choose to stay in hotels when we visit our family in the countryside. For that exact same reason. Yes, I put up with that kind of stuff when I was a child but it doesn't mean I need to put up with now as an adult!

That being said, you not driving is a huge issue. I would not want to visit family and not be able to have a drink with them and have to be the only one driving back and forth. It's a huge inconvenience in these countries if you can't drive because you are completely dependent on the car. So you are essentially asking him to be your taxi driver for 2 weeks. With that in mind, on balance, if I were him, I'd stay with the family and if you hate it so much, you can learn to drive for next time.

Mother87 · 04/08/2021 22:45

Drivingmeupthewall🤣🤣🤣summed it up nicely🤣🤣🤣

coconutpie · 05/08/2021 14:00

No no and no and no again. Who cares if they are offended if you don't stay there? What about your feelings? You matter too! Stay in the hotel or refuse to go. It is not a holiday if you have to stay in those conditions. I wouldn't stay there one night never mind two weeks. If they refuse to move into the 21st century by choice, then that is their decision. Doesn't mean you have to suffer their decisions too.

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