To want a bathroom

[Iliula]

We are planning to stay with my (new)husband's family in a very rural village in Europe next month. The trouble is they don't have very update facilities and wash using a tap in the yard and there is a hole in the ground in a shed for toilet.
There is a hotel near but my husband says family would be offended if we don't stay with them. How do I menage?

I just wouldn’t go.

Perhaps you could pay for them to stay at the hotel with you. I understand why they would be upset and feel offended. Basically you are saying that their lifestyle (which I'm sure they would change if they could) isn't good enough for you.

Know anyone with Covid? Lick them.

Do they live like this because they want to? I would put my foot down here.

If it is not a medical issue I would concentrate on learning to drive so next time you are able to drive yourself to the hotel. Do you have any money which can go towards improving the facilities for your in laws? I personally would manage but I am used to camping so not as much of a stretch. Could you maybe plan a few longer distance trips 'to explore the country' with a few hotel nights interspersed so a few nights with them, trip to X tourist destination and a night away, few nights with them, trip to Y and night away etc.

Does your husband at least understand your position and willing to find a solution?

Learn to drive.

Book a hotel room.
Drive back from PIL to hotel.
Job done.

LTB

Bear in mind aswell one poster said with getting your period - if they live somewhere like that, it will be likely that none of the shops will have tampons or even sanitary towels... Speaking from a really stressful experience of having to handwash rags out every night 😭. We truly are lucky here.
It's your husband's family and so he should manage this. Maybe play it like the hotel is your treat and you're looking forward to it or something

Why don't they have proper facilities? Is it a choice?

You need to learn to drive, this is just one of many situations where you don't want to be completely dependent on DH.

I'd manage for a day or two, like camping, but I wouldn't camp for more than a couple of nights either.

I like the idea of travelling while you are there if that's a possibility.

Rather than staying at their home, could you all have a holiday somewhere else locally?

Yeah, you really do need to learn to drive. Your life is going to be difficult if you are too dependent on a man who doesn’t take your wishes into consideration.

Don’t go, it sounds horrendous

Agree with pps - set your boundaries now.

Even if you just about cope, this isn’t gap year roughing it, it’s a trip you’ll probably make every year.

Just don't go. It's not a holiday is it?

@HeddaGarbled

Yeah, you really do need to learn to drive. Your life is going to be difficult if you are too dependent on a man who doesn’t take your wishes into consideration.

Especially one who likes to drink.

Couldn’t do that myself, not for two weeks.

I remember long drops from ghastly school trips in the dark ages. The stench is truly unbelievable. I would put my foot down now - before you find yourself washing under that cold tap in the yard. Make some face saving excuse about staying in a hotel. Honestly there is no way that any reasonable man would think it was okay to expect a wife raised with indoor plumbing to put up with this.

Alternatively, tell him to go on his own.

Frankly, if I was in your shoes and had no children, I'd be leaving. It is not that his family is poor, it's that he's putting their pride before your wellbeing. His family must realise that most of the world have flush toilets.

2 weeks? Did you agree to this in the first place? How an earth has it got this far?
I’d put up with it for 2-3 days but no longer. If your DP can’t deal with this then I would go for 2-3 days and then go travelling on my own for a while. You are not a child, you don’t have to do things that you don’t want to do. I wouldn’t want to stay with my in laws for 2 weeks even with several bathrooms!

It sounds like hell and the reverse of a holiday. Where on earth is this place?

I'd be looking for a compromise.

Would be fine, and possibly even funny for a few days, but no way could I do that for 2 weeks.

Could you split the trip between saying with family and going off on trips?

@Kalvinette

I hate the whole "they'll be offended" thing. Just get a hotel and tough shit if they're offended. It's your holiday.

Yep. Do this. For the love of god, stand up for yourself.

Don’t waste two weeks leave shitting miserably into a hole.

@HeddaGarbled

Yeah, you really do need to learn to drive. Your life is going to be difficult if you are too dependent on a man who doesn’t take your wishes into consideration.

Yes

And stay in a hotel. It sounds grim.

Frankly, if I was in your shoes and had no children, I'd be leaving. It is not that his family is poor, it's that he's putting their pride before your wellbeing. His family must realise that most of the world have flush toilets.

Comfort, not wellbeing. Everyone has something about their family. A different bathroom situation really isn't an ltb territory. Sorry

It would be a no from me......and I wouldn't give a fiddlesticks if they were offended. Its a disgusting way to live and can't be hygienic.

Agree with others about the trips though. Not just due to the lack of standard bathroom, but also because 2 weeks is a lot of time to spend in one place. We do that when visiting our families.

Most of the world does not have flush toilets. 2019 WHO figures suggest 31% of the world population use toilets connected to a sewer system. Fine stay in a hotel but please understand how privileged the option to do that makes you.