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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think children may see things we can’t?

298 replies

Opal93 · 02/08/2021 23:26

My son is autistic and his language is disordered so it’s very hard to ask him what he actually means when he tells us something, but lately there have been a few instances where he has said things that have spooked us out a bit! Tonight he was at my mums, and he said “goodnight nana Marlene” (my mums mum who died when he was one) and started singing her favourite Doris Day song, word for word which he has never heard before and I didn’t know of the song until my mum told me today he started singing it and she has no idea how he knew it. My dad died when I was 16 and my son knows his photo. We were in a park the other week and my son pointed behind me and said “it’s grandad Stephen!” And I looked behind me thinking he probably saw a man that looked like the photo but there was nobody there. Another time, he started talking to my husbands dad about “nanny Margaret.” I didn’t realise he even had a nanny Margaret but apparently it was my husbands dads mums name. Then he said nanny Margaret has a big belly, and my FIL looked freaked out then and said she had a massive hernia that ruptured and killed her. I wouldn’t say I’m a believer in ghosts or life after death but it does make me wonder. Any other experiences of kids sensing things?

OP posts:
ssd · 04/08/2021 22:30

Her parents

TableFlowerss · 04/08/2021 22:41

@Shakespeare79

I think where we’re having trouble is that you are coming up with highly specific (and, possibly, slightly absurd notions - the borrowers?!) whereas I am simply saying that if you look at the absolutely vast wealth of anecdotal evidence supporting a very, very general notion of ‘the unexplained’, then it may be fairly reasonable to make the very general claim that ‘there’s more to life than we know or understand’.

I know that many on here are very scientific-evidence-orientated (very sensible) BUT if I’d had a very personal and profound spiritual experience, I would consider that evidence for my beliefs even though I know that’s not what people mean on here when they say ‘evidence’.

I agree and disagree. I agree that my examples are absurd (they are more than slightly absurd, they are completely absurd)

The issue is though, the same concept is applied to anything where there is no evidence of existence. There really is no difference logically to saying, I think fairies, unicorns, leprechaun exist….

TableFlowerss · 04/08/2021 22:44

How can we say they don’t exist? What makes someone say, they don’t exist? The same logic is applied in this situation as every other situation where there is no evidence….

ssd · 04/08/2021 22:52

Everyone's experiences are different though. I've had experiences that make me believe in stuff. I dont care about convincing others, they can think what they like.

SmallChairs · 04/08/2021 22:56

@Eeiliethya, that would be the Pim Van Lommel whose work has been categorised as pseudoscience by his peers?

ladyflower23 · 04/08/2021 23:11

Yes I know someone who moved into a rented house with her family when she was a small child and used to talk to someone her parents couldn't see in her bedroom. When they asked who she was talking to she said the boy who's room it used to be. They asked what he looked like and she said there was just a black shape where his face should be. They later found out from the couple who owned the house that the room belonged to their teenage son who'd died in in motorcycle accident. That's why they'd rented out the house. Too sad to live there anymore Sad

Angliski · 04/08/2021 23:12

A friend of mine was a few weeks pregnant when her 3 year old dd told her - you have a baby in your tummy. It’s my sister.

She did and it was another dd. How did she know?

AramintaLee · 04/08/2021 23:15

I believe this. When I was a child (probably around 6 years old) I saw a "ghost". It was in the day time, in a field. My friends couldn't see her even though she was striding towards us angrily (we were basically trespassing on private land) and I was pointing at her telling everyone to run. She got within about 3 metres of us and I ran, grabbed my bike and cycled off as fast as I could. My friends came and found me later on and were completely confused. None of them saw her event though she was basically in touch distance.

To this day I can picture her... sallow skin, long, frizzy blonde/grey hair and a patchwork skirt, and the way she was walking towards us... it was abnormally fast like she was walking on a conveyor belt shudder

Enko · 04/08/2021 23:29

@TableFlowerss but even with the "fairies, unicorns, leprechaun exist…. " argument ( and yes I knew someone who believed this - adult woman)

It's possible isn't it to say "ok well I don't believe that myself" and leave them to continue to believe this, providing their belief doesn't cause harm to themselves or others? For me, the issue becomes this almost insistence that it HAS to be proven. (and we can't we can only disprove in science) sometimes would it not be ok to simply say " I do not agree with this?" Perhaps add " this is my reasons" if you feel particularly strongly. However, to me I don't belive fairies, unicorns, leprechaun exist…. but for my x colleague who did. She did her job and enjoyed many hobbies surrounding mystical creatures. So she did me and others no harm so for me I saw no reason to " put her right"

ImInStealthMode · 04/08/2021 23:39

Apparently when I was around 2 my Mum came in to check on me before she went to bed and found my nightlight that she'd left on was out. Thinking the bulb had gone she flicked the switch and it lit again. Half asleep I told her she'd scared Billy away (Billy was my great grandmother who'd died a few weeks earlier, and was fastidious in life about turning lights off).

I remember a slightly more dramatic story from a friend who at 3 was taken to Southampton docks as part of a day trip. She had an utter meltdown and when pressed said that's where she'd got on the boat to America that sank and she went into the cold water Confused She was far too young to know anything about the Titanic, much less that they were at the place it left from.

ellyeth · 05/08/2021 00:12

Isn't life itself a complete mystery, something absolutely inexplicable?

I am sceptical too about mediums, psychics, astrological readings, etc, etc. because there is quite often monetary motivation behind many of these claims and happenings. But there were many things we didn't know about until people discovered them and I think to dismiss out of hand any unusual events is a bit rash.

Terhou · 05/08/2021 00:26

I think the reason people feel the need to respond quite robustly to this stuff is that it's potentially quite dangerous - it may well exacerbate anxiety and phobias, for example. If you hear a noise at night time, is it better for you to put it down to attribute it rationally to natural phenomena, or to lie there terrified because you think it might be a ghost?

Terhou · 05/08/2021 00:30

I remember a slightly more dramatic story from a friend who at 3 was taken to Southampton docks as part of a day trip. She had an utter meltdown and when pressed said that's where she'd got on the boat to America that sank and she went into the cold water confused She was far too young to know anything about the Titanic, much less that they were at the place it left from.

But could anyone be sure that she hadn't heard people talking about a shipwreck or been in the house when the Titanic film was on? Given that she could see a lot of big ships, it's no big deal that she associated them with people going on journeys in ships - indeed it would be natural for adults to have prepared her for the trip by telling her that she would be seeing ships that sailed all over the world.

MurielSpriggs · 05/08/2021 00:35

I had an imaginary friend called Bimbo who flew around in a helicopter, and I had extensive incomprehensible arguments with the cat.

Children are round the bend.

MagentaStars · 05/08/2021 01:42

.

dumphies · 05/08/2021 03:57

I've just started watching a thing on Amazon prime called "the ghost inside my child" and I can honestly say it's one of the most batshit things I've never watched, never have I seen so much unconscious bias in one place and so many parents try to push absolute NONSENSE on their children, just because little Timmy once drew a picture of a plane aged 3 does NOT make him a reincarnated soviet soldier Hmm

DingDongThongs · 05/08/2021 07:49

My son talks about life in Vietnam a lot. Didn't do Vietnam war in history gcse so googled..he was right about everything. Worst part was when he said he was the last to die in the huey and there was lots of blood. He told me the boys names and that hueys held four people. He mentioned a US state and graduation and how he graduated ("just" in his words.) He speaks of how his other Mom made him brownies too.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/08/2021 07:55

I wouldn’t be surprised. We moved house when my younger sister was 3, and soon afterwards she started saying (quite happily) that a ‘lady’ was sitting on her bed and smiling at her.

We heard not long afterwards that the young wife, one of the former owners, had died in childbirth. (This was many decades ago.)

Also, my dd and Sil bought a family house where the former owner’s wife had died of a massive stroke. It didn’t bother them in the slightest, since the old chap was lovely and the house had a very warm atmosphere from the moment we all first viewed it.

But more than once, when the two elder were babies of under one, but old enough to be able to wave, dd saw them waving and smiling at someone who wasn’t there - in a place where there wasn’t really anything else to be waving and smiling at.

Dd was a wee bit spooked at the time, but it’s never bothered her since.

MydogWillow · 05/08/2021 07:56

@Shakespeare79
@Enko

So eloquently put, thankyou.

We have become so sophisticated and evidence-based on everything. How can one prove instinct or a perceived change in energy in a room?

As adults do we dismiss things as illogical but children are so unaffected by logic that they tap into something more primal and energy based?

Shakespeare79 · 05/08/2021 08:00

@TableFlowerss

How can we say they don’t exist? What makes someone say, they don’t exist? The same logic is applied in this situation as every other situation where there is no evidence….
Well, like I said, there’s no scientific evidence, but people have their own evidence- the evidence of their own eyes and ears. Of course this is rather dubious in many cases - but at some point people do trust their own senses. People cannot expect others to believe it - but equally they can maybe hope that people won’t call them idiots for using their own experiences to inform their own beliefs?
Daisylookslost · 05/08/2021 08:01

Absolutely agree with that @Eeiliethya. Anyone with science based PHD/s wish to comment on how this topic is ridiculous?
Can I add to your list Eben Alexander, neurosurgeon, his book is a very interesting and thought provoking read.

TableFlowerss · 05/08/2021 08:02

[quote Enko]@TableFlowerss but even with the "fairies, unicorns, leprechaun exist…. " argument ( and yes I knew someone who believed this - adult woman)

It's possible isn't it to say "ok well I don't believe that myself" and leave them to continue to believe this, providing their belief doesn't cause harm to themselves or others? For me, the issue becomes this almost insistence that it HAS to be proven. (and we can't we can only disprove in science) sometimes would it not be ok to simply say " I do not agree with this?" Perhaps add " this is my reasons" if you feel particularly strongly. However, to me I don't belive fairies, unicorns, leprechaun exist…. but for my x colleague who did. She did her job and enjoyed many hobbies surrounding mystical creatures. So she did me and others no harm so for me I saw no reason to " put her right"[/quote]
Yes people are entitled to believe in whatever they want, but when you come on a public forum, people will explain why they think it’s nothing but fantasy.

The idea that it’s purely fantasy really irks those that believe, but you’ve got to understand, it’s not a personal attack on individuals, it’s critically evaluating the likelihood of whether something is possible or fantasy.

Mummadeze · 05/08/2021 08:07

I believe your child is seeing your dead relatives. Don’t think it is connected to their autism. I do think children are more able to have these experiences. I didn’t see ghosts but I got psychic visions as a child very regularly. I would clearly see things that then transpired. They have gone away as an adult.

TableFlowerss · 05/08/2021 08:09

@Daisylookslost

Absolutely agree with that *@Eeiliethya*. Anyone with science based PHD/s wish to comment on how this topic is ridiculous? Can I add to your list Eben Alexander, neurosurgeon, his book is a very interesting and thought provoking read.
What you’ve got to remember, is that there is usually a link between those that believe in god, heaven, afterlife, spirits etc….

So if a neuroscientist also has a faith, it’s certainly not beyond the realm of possibilities, to assume they may believe in sports etc…

I would bet my house that athirst neuroscientist wouldn’t…..

TableFlowerss · 05/08/2021 08:09

SPIRITS not bludy sports 🤣