To be fed up of maternity leave?

[sofiegiraffe]

I'll start by saying I love my baby very, very much. She was very much planned and wanted.

Some days on maternity leave are great - we go to baby groups or I meet up with other mums etc and we have a lovely day. Sometimes when my DP is off work we have a lovely little family day out. But these days are few and I'm starting to get really fed up. Some days are just so lonely and monotonous and find myself wondering where my identity has gone. As much as I love being a mummy, I equally miss the mental stimulation my job provided; I miss adult conversation and having a life outside of being "mummy".

I don't want to put my baby into childcare just yet (she's only 4 months old), and my original plan was to go back to work when she was 10 months. But I honestly don't think I have another 6 months of this left in me. I feel so awful for saying that. I'm just craving some balance - I want cuddles with my baby and fun family times, of course I do - but I also want my other life back at the same time.

Am I being unreasonable to consider cutting my maternity leave short?

As you only have one and she is quite young and easy to transport, go and do things you want to do. Lunch out, see friends, go and stay with family, art galleries, long walks, shopping, a few KIT days (you can do 10) whatever you fancy.
My first was a non sleeper so that did limit some things, Ive now got another DC so haven't the same freedom. The identity loss thing does lift once you start doing a few non baby related things even if you take the baby with you.

I think you’re right at the beginning of that stage where baby starts to show more personality and learn more, so I think you might change your mind as you see her develop into her own little person now

Plenty of women feel this way OP, especially if they are away from a job they love. Do you have the option to leave the baby with your partner so that you can meet up with friends on your own? Or take a couple of hours off to focus on a non-Mum activity?

Would it be feasible for your partner to take some parental leave for a few months so you could go back to work full time, or some unpaid leave so you could return part time?

It gets better once baby can do more. Things like weaning help fill the day. As can letting baby do things like hit blocks together or play with toys.

@mayblossominapril

As you only have one and she is quite young and easy to transport, go and do things you want to do. Lunch out, see friends, go and stay with family, art galleries, long walks, shopping, a few KIT days (you can do 10) whatever you fancy. My first was a non sleeper so that did limit some things, Ive now got another DC so haven't the same freedom. The identity loss thing does lift once you start doing a few non baby related things even if you take the baby with you.

^ I agree with this.

For me the key was to arrange something outside of the house every day. Swimming with baby, baby groups (these are more for the mums than the babies whatever anyone else will tell you), coffee shop and walk with friend, lunches out, visit relatives, invite other mums and babies over for coffee and cake.

I remember this feeling well. My solution was to do an academic qualification linked to my job which was ambitious in many ways but it helped me survive maternity leave. I also kept in touch with work people and went for lunch etc with colleagues while my parents looked after my baby so I got some adult time too.

I made a list while pregnant, toured London on my mat leave.

Would meet friends on their lunch break then go and visit something.
At this age you can do museums and sightseeing fairly easily.

Admittedly this was pre Covid.

Would that help?

@snowy0wl

Plenty of women feel this way OP, especially if they are away from a job they love. Do you have the option to leave the baby with your partner so that you can meet up with friends on your own? Or take a couple of hours off to focus on a non-Mum activity?

Yes I could do this - I used to be a keen runner before I had my baby so I could leave baby with DP while I do this

@MyFloorIsLava

Would it be feasible for your partner to take some parental leave for a few months so you could go back to work full time, or some unpaid leave so you could return part time?

I actually hadn't considered this as an option. Thank you for the idea. I will look into it

It sounds like things mat be about to change and become more interesting with baby anyway in terms of weaning and seeing her personality develop etc. Maybe this will make a difference to how I feel.

Are you able to use this time until baby can interact more as time to see places you'd like? You could make a list of places within 2 hours you've fancied seeing. There are vloggers who make money from their mat leave bucket list trips -aside.

The thing is, whether you are bored or not your baby needs YOU at the moment.
Try to do fun things with her during the day, there is so much you could be doing.

Are you doing any work "keeping in touch" days? Running group (there are some for mums and babies), swimming or gym especially if there is a creche. Your dc will become more interactive in the next few months so don't plan it away entirely.

@Helendee

The thing is, whether you are bored or not your baby needs YOU at the moment. Try to do fun things with her during the day, there is so much you could be doing.

We do fun stuff all the time. We go to baby sensory classes, swimming, meeting other babies at parks, playing on her mat together, I read and sing to her, we go for countless walks in the pram and I show her things along the way like pretty flowers or horses in fields etc etc .... All I'm saying is that I am craving some balance to my life. I want all of the above plus my old life and identity back.

@LIZS

Yes I have a maximum of 10 KIT days to take - I am planning to start them in the next couple Of months. I do think this might help.

@Helendee

The thing is, whether you are bored or not your baby needs YOU at the moment. Try to do fun things with her during the day, there is so much you could be doing.

Oh enough of this. She doesn't need to be shamed into spending time with her child. What harm do you think will come to that baby if it's left with another responsible adult for a period of time so she can have some time to herself? Absolutely none.

OP carve out some time for yourself. If you like running get back to it. Something you enjoy. I found my tiny baby monotonous. I love him, of course I do, but I'm not a fan of the newborn stage. He's 20 months now. I'm back at work and I'm much happier.

If you end up feeling you want to go back early... Do. Eight months is about my absolute limit on mat leave. For some people it's less. I was just plain lonely, bored, and unfulfilled. I'm a much better working mother than SAHM, and my baby was absolutely fine.

You are not BU, it's your life.

I don't really understand how can be bored unless they are at work, and how anyone has time to be bored, but each to their own.

The thing is, babies are portable. Being on maternity leave doesn't have to revolved entirely around the baby, baby groups, baby classes - which are only designed for the parents anyway.

I loved maternity leave, was a welcome break from busy job and some time to do some of the things I wanted. I went so quickly, didn't get a chance to do that much anyway.

I could have written your post at 4 months OP, now DD is 10 months and I’m dreading leaving her to go back to work!

Once baby has longer, more predictable naps to give you some time to yourself, weaning means mealtimes give your day some structure and baby becomes more interested in playing with you things get so much better. There are still days that drag but nothing like they did in the newborn phase (when I was ready to run back to the office for a bit of peace and grown up company!)

I found ages 4 - 7 months the most difficult. Inquisitive baby but too young to crawl and explore so ended up whinging constantly wanting to be carried everywhere.

I put DS in part time nursery from 9 months just to get a break. I would have put him in at 8 months but nursery didn't have vacancy. I also used my accumulated annual leave to work part time (2-3 days per week) until 12 months when I returned full time. I am so happy I did this. Baby came home to a happy relaxed mum and he got the stimulation he needed from someone who had the patience to provide it.

Personally I found the first 5 months or so of mat leave fairly miserable and boring and found the later 7 months really enjoyable as the baby started to do more and more.

I wasn't ready to go back full time at that age but I did need to feel like me (rather than just mummy). I'd moved to an area where I didn't know anyone so I got a job in a pub for two nights a week. It was a great compromise and I think helped me appreciate the rest of the time with my DD more than I had been.

I don't really understand how can be bored unless they are at work, and how anyone has time to be bored, but each to their own.

I didn't use the word "bored", someone else did. It's not the right word to describe how I feel. I certainly don't spend every waking moment of my day thinking "god this is so dull, get me back to work". Not even close. I love some of the things I get to do with my baby - especially the baby classes, they're really fun. I'm just missing my pre baby identity, that's all. I find the lack of variety and balance to my life a little difficult. All I've ever known is working full time and my hobbies, so this is very, very different all of a sudden.

Actually, "lost" would be a more accurate description of how I feel than "bored".