Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report a close family member to Social Services

77 replies

Morgandetoi · 01/08/2021 20:45

Not sure if this is the right thread but I could really use some impartial advice.

A very close family member has 5 children under 8, is only 25 she is married to a man 13 years older. Social services took the children away 2 years ago and they lived with their Nanny for 8 months. We have only heard information second hand as to why the kids were taken away. Supposedly the nursery reported them as one of the children told them worker that the parents were hitting them. I have never seen evidence of this, but I have always wondered if there was more to the story, as the action SS took seemed extreme for one report.

They had to attend visitation sessions which were quite frequently missed, she also had a baby during this time which was immediately taken away,but she was allowed under supervision to feed the baby at night, again this was frequently missed. They got the children back and everything seemed to be a lot more settled.

Recently the mother has gone off the rails. Staying out all night drinking, taking drugs and from what we hear sleeping around. The father is staying home with the children but is bringing “unsavoury” people into the house in the evening and when the mother gets back at 6 am they argue and fight in front of the children, which I think at times has got physical.

I know that she has drunk drove with the kids in the car and I am absolutely terrified that something is going to happen to the children.

If the children were taken away again their nana absolutely could not take of them. Unfortunately we have a extremely sick family member who has takes up the majority of her time with constant hospital visits. The only option would be foster care.

The only things I have see first hand is a complete lack of home cooked food, they only seem to eat sausage rolls, the kids only tried blueberries for the first when we visited last as my daughter had some. The youngest baby being strapped in the pram all day, being extremely behind with crawling sitting up and walking. She has a major flat head. Lack of car seats, rotting teeth, the 4 year old had almost all his teeth removed. The toddlers are very whiney and clingy. The older ones are starting to become aggressive. The children escaping from an open back door and the parents not realising till a stranger bought them back from a very busy main road. We do not spend a lot of time directly with the children or the mother as we don’t live in the same area.

Would I be wrong to report them just on second hand information. Are children better off with their parents or foster care?

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 01/08/2021 21:12

You shouldn't need to ask op,come on,get off of mn and get online to do a child referral form.
Good luck it must be extremely difficult for you.I hope the children get the help they urgently need.

Original poster
Morgandetoi · 01/08/2021 21:13

Thank you all for advice. Deep down I knew what the right thing to do was but I think I needed to get out on “paper” so to speak I will call tomorrow and give an update. Thank you again xxx

OP posts:
Winemewhynot · 01/08/2021 21:14

@Morgandetoi

Yes I am for “real” watching the aftermath of something like this is going to be devastating. Also the fact the it’s more then likely the children would be split up, I think weighing up the information from a second hand source and asking for impartial advice is the right thing to do before calling.
Oh well if watching the aftermath will be devastating don’t bother then 🙄🙄🙄

Given the parents previous history I can’t believe you think anything needs weighing up, I literally can’t believe you’ve not already called given the information you’ve put in this post.

kazillionaire · 01/08/2021 21:18

I would look at it as to how I would feel if something really bad happened? And I could have possibly prevented it by making a call, ring them up and let the social workers investigate it as they definitely sound like they need alot of support

Original poster
Morgandetoi · 01/08/2021 21:18

Why are you attacking me? I asked for some impartial advice, i only found this all out last night as my niece has cancer so all family conversation has been understandably about her. I have never seen any first hand and only heard this from a different family member, who has heard through others.

OP posts:
Original poster
Morgandetoi · 01/08/2021 21:20

@kazillionaire

I would look at it as to how I would feel if something really bad happened? And I could have possibly prevented it by making a call, ring them up and let the social workers investigate it as they definitely sound like they need alot of support
Yes I completely agree. I couldn’t live with myself so I know what to do.
OP posts:
toocold54 · 01/08/2021 21:21

There is no good outcome here.
It’s not just being taken away from the parents that would be devastating for them, they would also be split up from their siblings and spend years in a foster care system which with even the best foster carers can cause lifelong upset.
But at least they’ll have a better chance at life than staying all together with their parents so you should absolutely call SS.

I’m shocked that they’ve had children taken away and yet they’re not being checked on thoroughly to know these things. What 4 year old needs teeth taken out!

Chickenyhead · 01/08/2021 21:23

Kids first OP.

You are right.

Remember you are not at fault. If they are fine SS won't do anything. So it's up to them.

The children deserve a safe loving home.

Antinerak · 01/08/2021 21:23

I'm sorry people are being so rude to you. Any 'impartial' adviser would urge you to report too, there's no reason on earth why child abuse claims should be brushed off in case they aren't true.

You're absolutely doing the right thing by reporting her. Write it all down and keep a copy somewhere. If there are any parts you're unsure of, tell them what you remember/think and make sure they know you're not certain. As PP said, if something worse happens you'll regret not doing it. Best of luck to you and them x

DinosaurDiana · 01/08/2021 21:23

Of course you need to report it, you need to safeguard those children.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 01/08/2021 21:28

this reminded me of a neighbour who took her car with her ds and his friend out while very drunk, another neighbour, the mother of the friend, managed to take the car key off the mum.
it was all pretty awful
pre mn,
pre internet.
no idea about calling social services

i think we know so much more now, i guess we all do, we have the internet, we have the number for social services.

beigebrownblue · 01/08/2021 21:30

I am not clear from your post, forgive me, why this is third hand information?

As one poster said, unlikely that children will not already be under a child in need plan.

Many people do not understand that they are not privy to the Family Court as it is confidential. So not sure why you seem to be expecting to be informed of the outcome of proceedings, which have obviously taken place.

Yes report, but realistically you need to be aware of these issues.

Yes, would go with these kids being better off in foster care. During lockdown I reported a case myself and now the child is doing better.

I'm sure not all foster parents are like that, and it is an extremely painful thing for all.

The most important thing for you is to report, step back and then look forward...the kids will need support and encouragement going forward. Don't lose contact with them when as sounds inevitable they will be placed in care.

beigebrownblue · 01/08/2021 21:32

As far as the dentist is concerned, no excuse but over lockdowns etc very difficult to get appointments in some areas, even for kids.

Martyitsyourkids · 01/08/2021 21:32

You need to report them. These poor children don't deserve this at all. Their parents clearly need help.

amoobaa · 01/08/2021 21:33

Please report this. What an awful situation. It’s heartbreaking to read.

pollylocketpickedapocket · 01/08/2021 21:34

@ShitPoetryClub

Foster carers are highly trained, vetted, childcare professionals. Foster placements are also closely monitored by a SW. Of course the children would be better off in Foster care, it beats me why Foster care has such a poor reputation.
I’m a cleaner, most often do domestic houses. I remember doing a house which was a foster “carer” and she was clearly only in it for the cash. Had two brothers there, don’t know their reasons for being but it was unpleasant. Big brother was trying to look out for little one ie pre emepting if he’d spill a drink and trying to stop it before it happens, that sort of thing. She had no patience and also had a biological child, not fair on him either. Also look at the recent case of grooming of a young girl forced to marry her abuser, his family were receiving fostering allowance for that poor girl.
Darbs76 · 01/08/2021 21:34

Wow yes please report. I’m sure they must already be under a plan but I’d certainly make my concerns known. Poor children, they’d be much better off and crucially safer in foster care

Chickenyhead · 01/08/2021 21:34

In my experience they won't be on any radars.

SS have a year on child protection to decide whether to remove the children permanently or return them.

After that the case becomes child in need. Which is entirely voluntary and can be refused by parents.

BrilliantBetty · 01/08/2021 21:37

Yes, SS will investigate. If nothing is wrong, nothing will happen. Sounds like the family need urgent support.

ohthestruggles · 01/08/2021 21:37

You need to report, OP.

What I find so sad is that there is likely no happy ending to this, neglect stays with kids throughout their lives. The actions of their parents are going to affect them, by reporting this they can intervene and help those poor babies!

JudgeJ · 01/08/2021 21:39

@Martyitsyourkids

You need to report them. These poor children don't deserve this at all. Their parents clearly need help.
Not sure about 'help', they need sterilising, or whatever the acceptable term is these days otherwise they'll go on popping them out indefinitely. I assume they don't work, so we're keeping them in drink.
Findmeatthebeach · 01/08/2021 21:40

Yes absolutely report them. It does not matter if it is third hand, the fact these things are being said and passed along is worrying enough and cause for concern. Please don't wait, I waited too long once and the family slipped under the radar. I'll never forgive myself. Can you encourage the person who told you these things to also phone social services?

Itsbeen84yearss · 01/08/2021 21:46

Well I won’t sleep tonight thinking about these kids. Jesus. Can’t you take at least some of them? I couldn’t just leave them but yes you need to report them

pilates · 01/08/2021 21:46

Yes you need to report. Good luck, you are doing the right thing. It sounds like clear-cut neglect.

goddessofmischief · 01/08/2021 21:57

Just report. Help them please. Too much slips through the net.