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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours noisy child - 1 year of screaming

33 replies

Inthe5 · 01/08/2021 20:21

The neighbours two doors down (flats) have two children aged around 1 and 2 im just guessing. The elder child screams like he’s being murdered 24/7 only having a break I'm guessing during nap times. This has been going on since they moved in around 1 year ago.

They were bringing the children out in the hallway for extended periods of time and letting the child scream outside my front door as well as running up and down the hallway. I kept telling my landlord and asking that they try to move the screaming child away from the neighbours doors. I understand that I have no control over what they do in their own flat but to stand right outside my door carrying on like that is not fair and the parents should move the children away or try to keep the noise to a minimum. Landlord promised a couple of times that he spoke to them. I have voice recordings as well to use as evidence if needed.

A couple of months ago the noise was so bad I got scared for the child so I went out to the corridor and I heard something rather worrying. The parent had been locking the screaming child out in their hallway at the front door. If you can imagine the parent shutting the living room door and keeping the child outside alone (still in the flat but isolated at the front door area). I slowly walked up near the door and the little boy was alone crying, screaming and kicking down the front door with such force I nearly started to cry as I was shocked at how hard he was kicking. Not once did anyone come and comfort him or speak to him, I genuinely thought they might have left him home alone as all I could hear was him.

I decided to knock on the door and after 5 minutes the dad answered and I explained how I could hear the screaming every day from my flat 2 doors away, I asked if everything was okay. He wasn’t too happy with me knocking and he said that the boy is upset because the mother has gone to the supermarket and that there is nothing he can do to stop him crying. I explained that I totally understand however the screaming is all day every day and not just this one occasion... the whole time I’m thinking something doesn’t add up in my mind, why is this child clearly so unhappy?. He then told the child to stop crying otherwise the neighbours will get angry at him. Obviously I felt terrible after.

The screaming continues still to this very minute but luckily I work full time and at my bedtime I sleep well so can drown out the noise. But when I'm here just chilling out it’s torture. I can only imagine how the poor parents feel being so close to the screaming. Im stuck because I don’t know if the parents are ignoring the child and putting him out near the front door alone which is both making it seem louder and also making him more upset, or if the child is so badly behaved that the parents can’t deal with it.

My instinct tells me that the other child is only a baby so he probably hasn’t learned to play up but the toddler probably has, or the toddler is misbehaving because he is being treated badly. I don’t know any children who scream all day every day. I understand a tantrum and other issues like teething or being upset but surely there is a break in between, this child does not stop. At the top of his lungs like he is screaming for his life.

Another issue is I wonder how much the other neighbours can hear? Unless it really doesn’t bother them as much. Do I need to tell someone about this? I hear the little boy kicking the front door in all the time so the dad is obviously locking him out there daily, bless him he’s all alone just sitting at the front door screaming kicking and crying.

All of our flats have the same layout and I’ve seen in their flat when the dad opened the door to talk to me. So I know where the little boy is sitting. I need to wake up at 5am for work I really hope he settles down soon.

Just a difficult situation and I don’t know what I'm meant to do or if im being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Marshmallow91 · 01/08/2021 20:24

Report to social services stating he is being left alone for long periods of time to cry.

Or call the police for a welfare check.

BrioLover · 01/08/2021 20:26

You have my sympathies re. the noise - it sounds horrendous. My first thought on reading it was that the eldest child may well have some kind of additional need - my eldest has ASD and ADHD and used to have almost uncontrollable meltdowns. Often he'd be kicking and screaming, biting and crying and I'd have no way of stopping him and had to ride it out. Luckily we moved house when he was 18m and went from a flat to a house, where we had a deaf lady next door!! But I'd have really struggled to control his noise levels in a flat. I'm not sure what you can do apart from manage your own reaction to it but it doesn't sound like typical toddler noise from your description. The parents sound at the end of their tether too tbh.

yellowrosette · 01/08/2021 20:27

Sounds like hell.

Mrshook · 01/08/2021 20:31

Ring the NSPCC. Talk to them for advice.

honeybuns007 · 01/08/2021 20:33

@BrioLover

You have my sympathies re. the noise - it sounds horrendous. My first thought on reading it was that the eldest child may well have some kind of additional need - my eldest has ASD and ADHD and used to have almost uncontrollable meltdowns. Often he'd be kicking and screaming, biting and crying and I'd have no way of stopping him and had to ride it out. Luckily we moved house when he was 18m and went from a flat to a house, where we had a deaf lady next door!! But I'd have really struggled to control his noise levels in a flat. I'm not sure what you can do apart from manage your own reaction to it but it doesn't sound like typical toddler noise from your description. The parents sound at the end of their tether too tbh.
I get all this but shutting and locking the toddler out of the apartment and leaving them in the communal hallway space is not a solution
AfternoonToffee · 01/08/2021 20:33

Goodness that sounds difficult all round, especially as it sounds like the family doesn't have easy access to outside space.

It does sound like they are struggling, either with general parenting or with a child with additional needs. - crying for long periods of time on a continuous basis is not a 'normal' development stage.

No doubt posters will tell you to MYOB, but this is having an effect on so many people.

FenceSplinters · 01/08/2021 20:36

Could you call the police and say he’s been locked out?

Chocolatebuttercream · 01/08/2021 20:37

Definitely report to the police or phone childline. It's been going on a year?!?! Please get that little boy some help ASAP

Eviethyme · 01/08/2021 20:49

I understand its annoying. But the fact you seemingly haven't reported this is what's wrong in this world. So many people don't report shit and then kids die/get beat/abused etc.

Do what's right or shut up and become a silent asshole.

Inthe5 · 01/08/2021 20:52

I try to close my living room door and open the bathroom door to create a barrier from the noise and I close my windows too. I feel sorry for the little boy because I wonder what is causing him to scream all the time. He must be exhausted by the end of the day.

But when I spoke to the dad I realised that there is literally nothing he can do to stop the crying (Unless he is just nasty to them then obviously he could be nicer to his children) but then on the other hand the child might just cry for no reason or any reason and maybe they don’t know what to do either.

There’s two options really, the landlord serves them with notice or all of the tenants will start moving out, either way it’s not going to last as no one wants to hear that level of noise. I know two of the neighbours on the other side and the opposite side have moved out recently, I’m wondering if it was because of the noise.

It’s been non stop for the whole year that they have lived here. I think it’s time for me to move and keep my fingers crossed that I get quiet neighbours next time 😂. I pray my future children aren’t as loud as they are, who knows why they are loud, or if it is anyone’s fault. My heart says to write a detailed letter to someone explaining the frequency of the crying and voice my concern either for the child or for the parents to get help with the situation. I just don’t even know who I would contact and like I said before I wasn’t sure if it was me being unreasonable.

Should I go to my landlord once more and ask him to assist me in contacting someone from maybe the council or family services? Do you think the landlord would help? Or should I ask him to speak with them again? I don’t know how speaking to them is going to help as they can’t stop the child from crying at all.

OP posts:
littleselda · 01/08/2021 20:57

You need to report this to the police
It's neglect to leave a child outside the flat like that

Chocolatebuttercream · 01/08/2021 20:58

OP call the police!!! Honestly. This child is being neglected and maybe worse. Please call them now, never mind about planning whether you will move or not. I don't understand how you can 'not know who to report to'.

Robotcustard · 01/08/2021 21:07

YOU need to speak to social services with your concerns, not your landlord. The family obviously desperately need support. Getting them evicted is not the way to deal with this.

Inthe5 · 01/08/2021 21:07

The child is not outside the flat, he is inside but in the hallway of their flat. Sitting at the front door crying (inside the door not outside). If you close the bedroom doors, living room doors it creates a little hallway where he is sitting a lot kicking the door (I hear him often). The day when I was outside I didn’t hear anyone comforting or talking to him. So I assumed they must just leave him there when he’s having a meltdown. Which is probably making him worse.

OP posts:
Chocolatebuttercream · 01/08/2021 21:08

We know he isn't outside.

Please call the police or social services now. Don't leave it any longer.

Delphinium20 · 01/08/2021 21:09

My DD was a colicky baby and she'd scream-cry for up to four hours at a time (she's perfectly normal and healthy now). It was exhausting and an incredibly difficult time. A crying child you can not soothe is heartbreaking.

However, we never left her alone for longer than 5 minutes and never left her in a place where she'd hurt herself (sometimes I'd be w/ her alone and need to use the toilet, so I'd put her in a bouncy, or had to set her in her crib while I dealt with something on the stove). I'm ashamed to say a few times I set her in her crib so I could leave the room as I was so frustrated and exhausted I feared I might hurt her-those feelings passed quickly and I'd run back to her, crying myself. Looking back, that's the best thing a parent can do - as long as your child is safe, you should take a break to settle yourself, so I won't criticize the dad if he leaves the child for a bit, but still, it seems this is a prolonged situation, rather than a temporary measure to calm oneself.

However, we didn't give up. We got a swing. We learned to swaddle. We bought a sound machine of ocean waves and played it. We would walk outside for hours to soother her. We took long car rides. We consulted with doctors to make sure she wasn't ill. When she was 2, she finally slept through the night.

I think this child's parents are giving up and not addressing the child's needs - while I had a colicky baby, she didn't do this as a toddler, so I find it quite odd that a toddler would tantrum for hours, day after day and the parents aren't at least attempting to soothe him. Something is off.

Darbs76 · 01/08/2021 21:11

A whole year? Have you not considered calling social services? It might be nothing bad is going on but someone needs to check that home situation

Darbs76 · 01/08/2021 21:12

Every local authority has a children’s protection service link, you can fill in an online form or there’s a number to call. Please do it

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 01/08/2021 21:13

My son has ADHD and still does this, add to that attacking me and his sister, breaking things etc. He doesn't mean to and feels terrible afterwards. It only happens after his medication has worn off for a few hours, or if he's going to get his hair washed, which he has a phobia of.

Inthe5 · 01/08/2021 21:13

If he had access back into the living room surely he would be in there with his family not sitting alone kicking the front door all the time. Im assuming the parents shut him out of the living room. Apologies I didn’t mean outside of the flat. I understand what you are all saying. But some people will say that their children scream and cry all the time for a variety of reasons including the child having learning difficulties which might make them upset more often. I didn’t know if I was being a judgmental neighbour, that I didn’t know their situation or the reason for the crying. Im sure social services get phone calls all the time about crying children. How can I judge if it’s bad enough to make that call, that’s why im asking mumsnet because I’m not 100% sure.

OP posts:
Missingtheedge · 01/08/2021 21:14

Call the NSPCC, police, SS. This is nothing to do with your landlord.

It is everyone’s duty to safeguard children so don’t delay further.

Chocolatebuttercream · 01/08/2021 21:15

You have no idea what is going on OP. Some people just need more help. Some people beat or starve or sexually abuse their kids. You can't tell which it is. Please please take the next step and report this to the professionals. You can do it right now, or first thing tomorrow morning.

user1471462428 · 01/08/2021 21:16

My son had extreme tantrums at that age and his parents could be doing more. I live very closely to my neighbours and used to bundle him into the buggy and have a quick walk so I didn’t piss them off too much or I would put music on for him, and eventually I bought a calming blanket. It’s shit for the parents but it shouldn’t ruin everyone else’s life too.

Inthe5 · 01/08/2021 21:17

Okay I will go and look up the local authority and contact them as soon as they open. I will explain the situation and will just say that I’m worried. Thank you everyone

OP posts:
Chocolatebuttercream · 01/08/2021 21:18

Great decision, well done OP.

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