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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be cross with these parents?

53 replies

Menora · 01/08/2021 09:40

Last year when my DD was 17 she was invited on holiday with her boyfriends family and after a lot of encouragement from them she paid £300 for the flights, which was a lot of money for her and came out of her savings. They have accommodation through a friend so all she needed was spending money.

At the time i advised her not to do it, based on not knowing whether travel would be taking place due to COVID and since then, all she has done is worry about the travel restrictions and costs of PCR testing and isolating. Their destination was red and now amber. She let her boss know and he did not rota her on any shifts at work during this time

A couple of weeks ago the whole boyfriends family caught Covid one by one. DD hadn't seen them so was safe from isolating and after a lot of discussion the holiday was called off and they said they would rebook for October half term. DD took up some extra shifts at work, agreed to babysit a relative a few days and decided not to buy any holiday clothes online.

Last night, with 3 days to go, they announced they were going on holiday after all. DD isn’t prepared, hasn’t booked PCR or got enough holiday clothes. She would have to let her boss down too. She considered going for less days (5 instead of 10 and travel there alone) but doesn’t trust the family now to collect her from the airport!

Her flights aren’t refundable and it will cost her another £100 to move them to 2022. The only solution is either losing the money or that I now go on holiday with her (and pay for myself) before end of the year as the airline will change them for free. But we have the same issue with travel restrictions and PCR testing.

I am sick of talking about this now but WWYD? I feel like they have done my DD dirty but she’s not their child so not their problem!

OP posts:
SnoopsCaliforniaRoll · 01/08/2021 09:44

YANBU!

I am aghast that your DD's boyfriend's family didn't include her or make her aware of this decision earlier. How weird...!

AnnaBellaCruella · 01/08/2021 09:45

I would be fuming, so inconsiderate of the other parents

SnoopsCaliforniaRoll · 01/08/2021 09:45

Did her boyfriend get any advance warning? What does he make of it?

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 01/08/2021 09:46

Do they not want her to come now? Very odd behaviour.

Starfleck · 01/08/2021 09:49

Very unlikely that they moved it and then moved it back to the same dates, it sounds like they had no intentions of not going. How are things with DD and her boyfriend? Is there a chance he doesn't want her to go and didn't have the minerals to tell her that?

Original poster
Menora · 01/08/2021 09:50

They want her to come but her boyfriend text her last night and said oh my parents have decided to go now. She was shocked as they were all meant to be changing their flights to October half term.

OP posts:
Original poster
Menora · 01/08/2021 09:50

I agree that they mislead DD and had no intention of rebooking it

OP posts:
Aprilx · 01/08/2021 09:57

I don’t know what the PCR rules are, but if they had to do some tests and did so without telling her, it sounds like they including her boyfriend, don’t want her to go.

So I would sack off any plans with them, can she get a voucher for their deposit?

Lipz · 01/08/2021 10:03

Yes I agree this is shocking behaviour, no one does this. People don't give 3 days notice to go on holiday, not now when so much is needed regarding testing and quarantine and red and and Amber countries.

I can understand if I couldn't decide whether to go now or October if I was his parents, but I would certainly discuss it with everyone involved.

If it were me, I think I'd write off the 300 for your dds flights go. The cost she will have for testing, buying clothes that she'll need, trying to scrape together spending money. Then she has to explain to her boss etc

Or if you can afford it, change the dates on her ticket and you go away with her later? Is it an option to get a credit note from the airline? Maybe you both could use it then to somewhere different.

Original poster
Menora · 01/08/2021 10:05

DD doesn’t need an outgoing PCR as she is double vaccinated but she needs to test before coming home and when back home. Some of their family need to book PCR before flying and they said they were booking it yesterday
Thing is they all had COVID so PCR may show up as positive for up to 90 days!

OP posts:
Original poster
Menora · 01/08/2021 10:05

I cannot get through to the airline on the phone

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 01/08/2021 10:23

They don't sound like the sort of family I'd send my dd overseas with - if you accept taking another dc overseas with your own then you have to look out for them!

MySecretHistory · 01/08/2021 10:31

@Menora

DD doesn’t need an outgoing PCR as she is double vaccinated but she needs to test before coming home and when back home. Some of their family need to book PCR before flying and they said they were booking it yesterday Thing is they all had COVID so PCR may show up as positive for up to 90 days!
Depending on the destination that is dead simple- lots of local clinics. Check if need PCR or antigen. Antigen is cheaper (is she vaccinated?)
MySecretHistory · 01/08/2021 10:32

If she isn't double vaccinated she needs to self isolate on return from an amber country.

MySecretHistory · 01/08/2021 10:32

@MySecretHistory

If she isn't double vaccinated she needs to self isolate on return from an amber country.
Ignore- just seen that she is

What country is it?

MySecretHistory · 01/08/2021 10:33

We did our 2 day with Random- there is a code of the BA website- you don't need to be flying with them. £33

PCR in Spain was 75 euro but antigen was as low as 25euro

NotMaryWhitehouse · 01/08/2021 10:34

Did they actually have COVID.....?

AlternativePerspective · 01/08/2021 10:39

I would go so far as to question whether they even had COVID, or whether COVID was a way they could get out of taking her on holiday.

Clearly they haven’t changed the flights and then changed them back knowing that a PCR could still come back positive in some instances.

And I would be questioning the relationship with the boyfriend as well as there’s no way he couldn’t have known they were still going all along.

AlternativePerspective · 01/08/2021 10:41

Also, if she’s double vaccinated at 17 then clearly she’s CEV in which case I wouldn’t be travelling abroad anyway as although vaccination limits the possibility of severe illness and even contracting the virus,it’s still possible to contract it, and I wouldn’t want that in a foreign country with a severe underlying condition.

FairFuming · 01/08/2021 10:42

She dumps the bf, never has to deal with his or his families shit again. Works as many shifts as she can, pays the £100 to move flights to next year and you go away together and have a brilliant time while laughing your heads off at not having to deal with shitty men with shitty families.

zoemum2006 · 01/08/2021 10:44

I would wonder if my daughter would be that safe with them. They sound like flaky, irresponsible people.

Original poster
Menora · 01/08/2021 10:45

He’s very controlled by his parents but I don’t want to alienate her from me by badmouthing them all too much I need to be careful

I don’t trust them either and don’t want her to go

It’s Balearics and double vax so she doesn’t need PCR on the way out but needs one coming home (or LFT) and then PCR 2 days after returning. This was a lot of time off from her job she does not get any holiday pay so I was already not thrilled about it but she’s an adult now and I can’t stop her

They did have Covid as she saw a photo of her BF positive result text.

OP posts:
Figgygal · 01/08/2021 10:46

They’re flakes of the worst order
Inconsiderate Arseholes

Mymapuddlington · 01/08/2021 10:47

Hi boyfriend, can you pop my £300 back into my account asap please. As I was not made aware of this change I would like a refund. Have a great time.

PinkiOcelot · 01/08/2021 11:04

I wouldn’t be wanting my dd to go with them at all now and would be telling her this. Plus she has already made arrangements with her boss and the person to babysit on the back of no longer going.

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