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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be cross with these parents?

53 replies

Menora · 01/08/2021 09:40

Last year when my DD was 17 she was invited on holiday with her boyfriends family and after a lot of encouragement from them she paid £300 for the flights, which was a lot of money for her and came out of her savings. They have accommodation through a friend so all she needed was spending money.

At the time i advised her not to do it, based on not knowing whether travel would be taking place due to COVID and since then, all she has done is worry about the travel restrictions and costs of PCR testing and isolating. Their destination was red and now amber. She let her boss know and he did not rota her on any shifts at work during this time

A couple of weeks ago the whole boyfriends family caught Covid one by one. DD hadn't seen them so was safe from isolating and after a lot of discussion the holiday was called off and they said they would rebook for October half term. DD took up some extra shifts at work, agreed to babysit a relative a few days and decided not to buy any holiday clothes online.

Last night, with 3 days to go, they announced they were going on holiday after all. DD isn’t prepared, hasn’t booked PCR or got enough holiday clothes. She would have to let her boss down too. She considered going for less days (5 instead of 10 and travel there alone) but doesn’t trust the family now to collect her from the airport!

Her flights aren’t refundable and it will cost her another £100 to move them to 2022. The only solution is either losing the money or that I now go on holiday with her (and pay for myself) before end of the year as the airline will change them for free. But we have the same issue with travel restrictions and PCR testing.

I am sick of talking about this now but WWYD? I feel like they have done my DD dirty but she’s not their child so not their problem!

OP posts:

Mustreadabook · 01/08/2021 11:19

They are inconsiderate not to keep her up to date but I wouldn’t be surprised if October half term is already booked up ie can’t move dates. If they had covid then they would be unsure if they would be well in time, so would have to wait and see. Everything is last minute wait and see if it happens at the moment.

Brefugee · 01/08/2021 11:27

I would book a holiday with dd later and use her flight for that.

And badmouthing his family - well i wouldn't be doing that exactly but i would be talking about letting people down etc. Her boyfriend sounds like a bit of a wet lettuce, but i can see why if he's controlled a lot by them.

This will be a good lesson in making sure that arrangements are in place and communication channels open, surely?

honeybuns007 · 01/08/2021 11:32

I'm confused that you say that due to their sudden change of plans, she hasn't booked a PCR test but then you say she doesn't need on for outgoing. The holiday is 10 days so she can easily book the returning on when out there.

Flowers500 · 01/08/2021 11:41

I don’t really think they’ve done anything hugely wrong? They didn’t intend to catch Covid and it looked like the hoody’s had to be moved, however now they have found it can’t be moved but they are able to go ahead—the notice is not at all ideal but if your daughter isn’t even getting holiday pay then she shouldn’t be overly loyal to work. There arent huge logistics for her as she’s double vaccinated, if she needs a test before flying back that can be organised when she’s there.

Most of the time I think people add in extra stress and logistics to things that are actually fine. She doesn’t have her dream holiday clothes, that’s fine just grab her some swimming togs in primark. Not a big deal!!!

Flowers500 · 01/08/2021 11:43

@Menora

I agree that they mislead DD and had no intention of rebooking it

I really doubt that. Much fo this thread is utter hysteria. They had Covid and thought they should rebook, realised they could go anyway and October was booked out. Not exactly Area 51, call Sherlock Holmes territory!

Dogoodfeelgood · 01/08/2021 11:48

In balearics it’s €35 for the return antigen and super easy to get once you are there, probably just need to book 2 days in advance, you book online and rock up. There is one in the Ibiza airport itself and another in the towns, called 15minutetest.com. If they’re staying in hotels then the hotels can often arrange as well, so I wouldn’t worry about that aspect. Similarly booking your day 2 back in UK is super easy.

Dogoodfeelgood · 01/08/2021 11:50

Also your DD should definitely still go as long as she’s welcome, she’ll remember this experience for the rest of her life and shouldn’t not go because of a few shifts at work who will absolutely survive! This could be a wonderful holiday for her and the clothes aspect is also fine - you spend the whole time in bikinis anyway and it’s easy to pick some up there.

roundtable · 01/08/2021 11:52

If you do want her to go and she wants to - sorting out the antigen in the balearics and ordering PCR test for home was pretty straight forward. (Just got back from there!)

Antigen, don't get a PCR, you'll pay double the price and it's not needed, she can walk into the many doctors clinics and book in for the day before she travels back. We waited half an hour while having breakfast then picked up the results. €30 each instead of €60.

You can order a pcr test to come to your home online, you need proof of this in order to fill in the passenger locator form before you'll travel.

Sounds like your dd needed to have a proper chat with her bf to decide whether it's a case of we're better now so let's go or being devious.

I think if they've just had covid, they can get a certificate to say they've had it in the last 180 days which means no PCR is needed if I recall correctly. That may be wrong though. Good luck to your dd whatever she decides.

Original poster

Menora · 01/08/2021 11:59

I wouldn’t stop her going. She doesn’t want to go as she feels like they have lied to her. They said they would be changing the flights to October then 3 days ahead, changed their mind. This is the part that isn’t really fair on her and why she feels mislead. It’s their holiday to change their mind but she readjusted all her plans when their plans changed.
If they had said they wanted to wait it out until recovered from COVID then she could have made her own mind up whether to go or not, knowing it was going to be a short notice decision. I don’t think it’s the same thing

OP posts:

Flowers500 · 01/08/2021 12:05

@Menora

I wouldn’t stop her going. She doesn’t want to go as she feels like they have lied to her. They said they would be changing the flights to October then 3 days ahead, changed their mind. This is the part that isn’t really fair on her and why she feels mislead. It’s their holiday to change their mind but she readjusted all her plans when their plans changed. If they had said they wanted to wait it out until recovered from COVID then she could have made her own mind up whether to go or not, knowing it was going to be a short notice decision. I don’t think it’s the same thing

She’s being totally ridiculous to think they lied!!! It sounds like they were overly pessimistic about whether they could travel, realised that while the timing was tight it was doable. Other than your DD having to get herself sorted quickly I really don’t see why she is being such a victim about all this.

Namechangeforthisquestion7 · 01/08/2021 12:06

If you can afford it, go for the option of you going on holiday with her later on. There will still be the same travel restrictions and risks but you can manage those more easily between the two of you. If the airline will change the flights for free now, they are likely to do this again later on under the circumstances. Even if she moves the flights to a later date alone, that's better than losing the money right now.
I really don't think I'd be sending her off with this family now. Aside from her work commitments, they sound horribly unreliable.

DamnUserName21 · 01/08/2021 12:15

I don't feel they lied---they just changed things last minute, which obviously is not convenient for those who have to work!

I'd change the ticket to next year and go with her...

RealBecca · 01/08/2021 12:29

If i was you i would personally be stepping way back and letting your daughter sort it out. I know that sounds harsh bwcause shes young and your baby and you wamt to help her but id let her see how much hassle this has caused and come to her own decision on next steps.

No offence to the boyfriend but if the relationship lasts then this is a taster of her future with him and how he handles them and their behaviour. She may rethink whether she wants a marriage or baby with someone so controlled (either with him or someone elsse down the line)

ButterflyCat2028 · 01/08/2021 12:50

If it's 'only' £100 to change it to next year, can she move it and go on holiday herself, or with you OP? That way it gives her something to look forward to next year.

Original poster

Menora · 01/08/2021 20:41

This is still rumbling on. BF decided he would refuse to go out of loyalty to DD (even he thinks his parents are out of order the way it’s been handled). DD was debating going for half the holiday. Now they all talking about moving it to another date. I really am sick of the topic now 😂

I think DD has the sunken cost on her mind, that spending another £100 means she’s spent a total £400 on what will be £90 flights (it’s pretty cheap next year) she seemed to have bought really expensive flights the first time. She needs to get her head around what to do.

OP posts:

VodkaSlimline · 01/08/2021 20:48

This will be a life lesson for your DD. I think the best outcome is for the BF not to go either and the two of them can go together in October or whenever.

gardeninggirl68 · 01/08/2021 21:05

if she doesn't trust them to pick her up from the airport if she went for fewer days (why not?) then I wouldn't be trusting what they say now either

Flowers500 · 02/08/2021 10:17

@Menora

Christ how has this ended up in so much drama?! It sounded like she could go on the holiday in its original timing, and she’s joining on THEIR family holiday too so she needs to stop being such a self centred drama queen. And her BF 🤣

Original poster

Menora · 02/08/2021 14:07

I don’t know but as far as I know they still saying they might postpone it to September!
I have no idea who will fly out and when anymore 🤷‍♀️

Despite this I don’t think she’s being self centred, she made a commitment to this family and then when it was ‘postponed’ she made other commitments to other people and doesn’t want to let anyone down.

OP posts:

Notimeforaname · 02/08/2021 14:16

She needs to do exactly what she feels like doing. Go with the flow of the family,or decide not to go. They may make a drama,she needn't.

notapizzaeater · 02/08/2021 14:30

All of this aside, why doesn't she get holiday pay from work ? She would be entitled to some.

WildBurd · 02/08/2021 14:35

@Dogoodfeelgood

This. I don't really see the problem. Assuming she owns a swimming costume and a couple of dresses she doesn't need loads of holiday clothes, just an LFT when she gets home and then a PCR.

I'd encourage her to just go.

But I would have insisted she booked flights that could be amended. We booked flights last year for this October and made sure before booking that they could be moved to a date 6m into the future.

Original poster

Menora · 02/08/2021 14:50

She’s a teenager, they totally get upset about clothes 😂 we are adults. She’s not the backpacking type of person either with 1 swimsuit and a tube of travel wash

She can amend them but only in 2021 for free

She is on a zero hours contract

OP posts:

Cadent · 02/08/2021 14:58

@Flowers500

Have you actually RTFT?!

Rosiiiiie · 02/08/2021 15:03

Sounds like such a hassle. I wouldn’t go and would just cancel the flights. It’s a 300 loss but it is what it is.

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