Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to ask for this money (inheritance)

69 replies

Undecidedandtorn · 31/07/2021 13:23

My dad died in March 2020 - although my parents split up 20 years ago they never got divorced and my dad never changed his will and my mum got everything which I have no issue with. The whole estate consists of his flat which he owned outright and around £20k in savings.

My brother really wanted to be the one to sort out the estate so me and my mum agreed but I think he's found it harder than he thought it would be plus he is a procrastinator so everything has taken forever but it's all sorted now and a few small debts my dad had have now been sorted so it leaves around £17k in the pot. My mum is going to sell the flat (worth around £300k) but has kindly said that me and my brother can split the savings left between us so around £8k each.

Now the estate has been finalised I asked her about the money and she said that my brother is hanging on to it for now in case there is any further costs to do with the flat until its sold and its not on the market yet. These costs will be minimal- ground rent, service charge and a very small electric bill.

I split up from my husband last September but am still living in the same house as him with our 2 children as I can't afford to buy until I sell a rental property I own and the last tenant is only just going (I gave him notice 8 months ago).

I've just had a look at the local area and have seen a 3 bedroom property idea for schools and my work but I could only afford half the rent. With the money from my dad I would be able to get a 6 month lease by which time my flat will be sold (hopefully). AIBU if I ask my mum to release the money she said I could have now?

OP posts:

AhNowTed · 31/07/2021 19:24

@Aprilx yes I am well aware.

But on what planet would a mother say "I'll have the proceeds of the 300K house, and you can have 8K each but I want you to pay the gas and electric out of it".

Yes yes legally you're correct, I just can't imagine being that petty and mean.

burnoutbabe · 31/07/2021 19:39

So during the marriage he lost their house? I'd assume the house to her now is to effectively compensate for that and also what she may have got in any divorce.

So up to your mum what she gives you as it's all hers, anything she gives you is just a gift.

Carycy · 31/07/2021 20:13

I just don’t get why people are thinking like this. If they were together you wouldn’t think anything of her getting it. Why do children suddenly deserve the right to inherit early just because their parents are separated? If your parents are together they have to both die before you would even think about it. Maybe the ops mother is struggling financially and this is her compensation for all the shit she has had to put up with. And she most probably intends to leave the money to them anyway.

Original poster

Undecidedandtorn · 31/07/2021 20:56

@burnoutbabe They didn't lose the house as my mum was able to borrow enough from friends to make the payment.

I rang my mum and explained my situation. She made a couple of bizzare suggestions about me sharing with people (err - I have 2 kids so no) but agreed that I can have my share. I did say I thought the bills should now come from the sale (which oddly had never occurred to me before) and she agreed. She sounded a bit worried as my brother has been sorting out all the money stuff but I'm sure she is capable.

She isn't short of money- she got half of my dad's pension when he died which is £500 a month, still does bits and pieces of work and has her own pensions (also owns her own place outright).

OP posts:

Mandalay246 · 31/07/2021 21:02

But I can't believe your mum is keeping any of your inheritance!

There are some strange people on inheritance threads. It isn't the OP's inheritance, it is her DM's, it was left to her. If the OP's DF had wanted the money to go directly to his children then he would have updated his will. People are entitled to leave their money to whoever they choose.

AhNowTed · 31/07/2021 21:08

Good outcome OP.

PrincessNutella · 31/07/2021 21:54

I disagree that you and your brother are entitled to the money. Your parents were legally married even if they were separated. The money is your mother's inheritance, not yours. You will receive the remainder when she dies.

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2021 21:56

Actually that changes it a little, youre fifty op? How old is your mother?

I assumed you were quite young, not middle aged,

choli · 01/08/2021 02:22

I mean I don't really think her keeping the £300k flat from a man who she divorced over 20 years ago is really in the spirit of things anyway
She didn't divorce him, hence she inherited. Obviously the father did not want his children to directly inherit. He probably had his reasons.

choli · 01/08/2021 02:24

She isn't short of money- she got half of my dad's pension when he died which is £500 a month
My goodness she must be living it up on that.

Coyoacan · 01/08/2021 03:17

I agree with you Mandalay246. It is odd that so many people have arbitrarily decided that the beneficiary of a will has a cheek in accepting their inheritance.

Still Im glad you are sorting it out OP.

Charley50 · 01/08/2021 03:45

My mum and dad were separated but not divorced. He had been very abusive to her but she still looked out for him and visited him. He died without a will so she got the majority of his estate. I was a bit gutted that they hadn't divorced (as then me and a sibling would have inherited it all), but I don't think she should have given it all to us. She felt he owed her anyway, as he had been financially abusive.

Mamamamycorona · 01/08/2021 04:15

It's absolutely not unreasonable to ask, but as I've found with family and money, you may not get the completely reasonable answer you hope for ...

Ihavehadenoughalready · 01/08/2021 04:27

If it were me I'd lay low and not cause issues or bad feelings by trying to rush the money (despite your current financial situation) and hope that your mother has plans to share the 300 with you both after the sale. I also wonder if your brother just likes the idea of the cash to possibly fix up the flat before selling.

If your dad was that bad at organization, I wonder what state the house is in?

My ex served as executor for his parents' estate after they both died one after the other, and one of my ex's brothers was breathing down his neck to get ahold of his share.

Original poster

Undecidedandtorn · 01/08/2021 12:49

@bluntness1000 My mum is 81

OP posts:

RealBecca · 01/08/2021 12:57

Yabu. As someone who has administered two estates it is fucking annoying and difficult when people nudge you asking for money. Dont go shopping until the money is in your account. Its that simple.

FunMcCool · 01/08/2021 14:14

Hang on your mum is getting the 300k flat? And you’re getting 8k even though they’ve not been together for 20 years!?

Bluntness100 · 01/08/2021 14:33

[quote Undecidedandtorn]@bluntness1000 My mum is 81[/quote]
Ok,, to be fair then, as they never divorced and were elderly this probably was your dads wishes, and your mother in her eighties prob being cautious, it’s fine to ask for the money and nice she’s given it to you, but I’d leave it there,

Notaroadrunner · 01/08/2021 14:47

Your mother is 81. I daresay you'll get a share of the £300k in the next 10 years or so. As for now, it's her money. Your father didn't sound very nice so she most likely deserves it for staying with him for so long. It's him you should be annoyed with because he didn't bother changing his will to include you and your brother. Could your brother be the one holding back on passing on the monetary gift from your mother, seeing as he's the one sorting it all out?

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread