AIBU to ask for this money (inheritance)

[Undecidedandtorn]

My dad died in March 2020 - although my parents split up 20 years ago they never got divorced and my dad never changed his will and my mum got everything which I have no issue with. The whole estate consists of his flat which he owned outright and around £20k in savings.

My brother really wanted to be the one to sort out the estate so me and my mum agreed but I think he's found it harder than he thought it would be plus he is a procrastinator so everything has taken forever but it's all sorted now and a few small debts my dad had have now been sorted so it leaves around £17k in the pot. My mum is going to sell the flat (worth around £300k) but has kindly said that me and my brother can split the savings left between us so around £8k each.

Now the estate has been finalised I asked her about the money and she said that my brother is hanging on to it for now in case there is any further costs to do with the flat until its sold and its not on the market yet. These costs will be minimal- ground rent, service charge and a very small electric bill.

I split up from my husband last September but am still living in the same house as him with our 2 children as I can't afford to buy until I sell a rental property I own and the last tenant is only just going (I gave him notice 8 months ago).

I've just had a look at the local area and have seen a 3 bedroom property idea for schools and my work but I could only afford half the rent. With the money from my dad I would be able to get a 6 month lease by which time my flat will be sold (hopefully). AIBU if I ask my mum to release the money she said I could have now?

@quizqueen

Your mum is the benefactor and can do what she likes with her inheritance. Your father didn't change his will, even though he was separated from his wife, so you should be considering why he didn't think to earmark something for his two children.

Indeed. It would be interesting to know how much if any child maintenance he paid over the years.

YANBU. I think your mother is exceptionally cheeky keeping the flat, I could never do that to my children.

@whereischiomunk

Your mum is wrong here, she's keeping the flat and should absorb any costs out of that money. I mean I don't really think her keeping the £300k flat from a man who she divorced over 20 years ago is really in the spirit of things anyway but if he didn't change his will that's the unfortunate outcome, if she isn't decent enough to do the right thing.

They didn't divorce. He didn't change his will. She is the beneficiary as his legal spouse even if they were separated. Until there is a decree absolut couples remain legally married for matters of inheritance.

Your brother can't hand anything over to anyone and you need to speak to your mum and a solicitor. Even if your mum does gift you money now there may be tax implications if she dies within the next 7 years.

Thanks for all your comments. If I am being honest I would have liked my mum to split the estate 3 ways- this would have allowed me and my brother to pay off our mortgages (and now for me to have a much cheaper mortgage on my new place).

They split up when I was 30 so no child benefit- he was a pretty selfish father and she did all of the childcare and, even when they split, still did a lot for him. I think it was his intention for her to get everything otherwise I might have considered contesting the will although I'm not sure if the fall out would have been worth it.

The costs of the flat should come out of the proceeds of the flat. But I can't believe your mum is keeping any of your inheritance!

Even if your mum does gift you money now there may be tax implications if she dies within the next 7 years.

There won’t. You’re allowed to make gifts of £3k a year without any tax implications. And to transfer between years. So £8k now will be covered by this year’s allowance and next and the following year.

You will also need to take advice if you are planning to divorce as any inheritance is part of your assets.

I am confused why people think the op should have inherited half the estate already. If my husband suddenly died tommorrow I wouldn’t expect my kids to get half the inheritance. The fact they are separated doesn’t make a difference. They are not divorced. It seems odd that if they were still together and the mum had had an easier life people wouldn’t expect the inheritance but the fact that the poor mum has been on her own with little help from the dad means that she deserves less? That makes no sense to me. It seems the father is at least putting things right on his death and the op can inherit when her mother dies just like most people do.
But I don’t think it’s unreasonable she has said you can have to ask for the money a bit early if it helps.

The bills from the flat come out of the proceeds of the flat. Which your mother should share the cf

Also everyone assuming the mum is being horrible keeping when they OP has said she believes it was intention that her mum get it.

Also it might not be possible for her not to accept it - there was a family locally that had a massive fall out over a similar thing, but the person left the money in the will was on benefits so they couldn’t give away the inheritance as they’d still have been classed as having it. Morally they wanted to, practically they couldn’t and they lost their siblings talking to them as a result.

Nobody knows the circumstances here though. ‘It’s entirely possible that he had meant the mother to inherit everything, if he hadn’t he would have changed his will and he didn’t, and as they weren’t divorced legally it’s her’s to do with as she wishes.

In theory the mother should gift half each to the DC but it says something that the father clearly had no desire for his children to inherit from him, so in that regard the OP’s mother is honouring the wishes of the deceased.

Whatever about the house, I cannot believe a mother about to receive a £300K house, would deduct the deceased final bills related to the house, from her children's £8K.

That's the issue here.

Ask for the money OP.. before there's even more deductions!

My dad wasn't great with money - my parents almost lost their house once and the first my mum knew about it was when some ballifs turned up and she had to borrow money from friends.

My dad wasn't great with paperwork either- we had power over his finances towards to end - so I'm not sure he was deliberately cutting out me and my brother- just that he was to disorganised to sort out something else and might have assumed that my mum would share the money out. But I guess I'll never know.

@Cuddlyrottweiler

The costs of the flat should come out of the proceeds of the flat. But I can't believe your mum is keeping any of your inheritance!

it's not the OPs inheritance. It's her mother's.

Yes we know @choli, no need to keep pointing out the legal situation.

We're talking about the OPs own mother, and frankly deducting the final bills from her own children's paltry share is outrageous.

@Undecidedandtorn

My dad wasn't great with money - my parents almost lost their house once and the first my mum knew about it was when some ballifs turned up and she had to borrow money from friends.

My dad wasn't great with paperwork either- we had power over his finances towards to end - so I'm not sure he was deliberately cutting out me and my brother- just that he was to disorganised to sort out something else and might have assumed that my mum would share the money out. But I guess I'll never know.

I think you are probably being sensible

I'm just saying if you get this moved to Legal Matters thread you might get some pointers

I would have expected your mum to share it out if she already owns her own property. I would have if it was my DC, and I wouldn't insist the estate fees come from the paltry savings that you were left

I think there is a legitimate claim you have of the £300k property but it's a very personal decision

The fact the will was written when they were married and still living together, and there has been a material change of 20 years of separation is relevant

OP and her brother can ignore that and go with the existing will, or they could choose to get legal advice.

It's a very personal decision

Dad wasn't good at paperwork
Usually separation is such a material change that it can change the intent of the original old will

As another said there has been a material change so you may have good grounds for challenging.
Who applied for Death Certificate?
Have you seen the will? Others have but have you?
Suggest get your own copies of will and death certificate Wills become publicly available but I think after probate is granted.
Try these websites for details.
probatesearch.service.gov.uk/#wills
www.gov.uk/browse/births-deaths-marriages
General Register Office
[email protected] (include ‘GQ’ in the subject of your email)
Telephone: 0300 123 1837
Textphone: 18001 0300 123 1837
Monday to Friday, 8am to 8pm
Saturday, 9am to 4pm

Warning please use govt sites beware of scams.
The Govt service is good and reliable and the people are helpful. I used them a cou[le of years ago.

It seems simple but surely the 300k should be split 3 ways.

@Fluffy40

It seems simple but surely the 300k should be split 3 ways.

Why? It’s entirely up to the person who’s inherited it what happens to it.

I can’t believe she’s not sharing 300k especially as she knows your financial situation or have you not explained this to her?
I agree with others the excuse to hold onto it is irrelevant you need the money and you should ask for it .

@AhNowTed

Yes we know *@choli*, no need to keep pointing out the legal situation.

We're talking about the OPs own mother, and frankly deducting the final bills from her own children's paltry share is outrageous.

Well do you know? Because you have again mentioned the children’s share. They don’t have a share, it is all the mother’s and in line with the fathers wishes. If he wants to leave everything to the woman that brought up his children that is his prerogative.

You're not unreasonable to ask, but it's in the gift of your mum. There's no reason whatsoever for your brother to be holding back any money she wants you to have - sale proceeds of the flat will more than cover any costs associated with the flat, surely.

Separation does not affect a will and all those saying it is a material consideration and could be used to challenge the validity of the will are wrong. Even a divorce does not totally nullify a will, though it does affect it. Only a marriage cancels a will altogether.

I don't know how she could keep any of the money. I couldn't take that from my children whether it was written in the will or not.

@HappyRaven

I don't know how she could keep any of the money. I couldn't take that from my children whether it was written in the will or not.

She hasn’t taken it from her children. It was never theirs to start with.